Blood pressure-tuned radio

There are aerials based on conducting fluids, such as mercury, galinstan and saline solution. These improve reception by altering the length of the conducting column. For blood pressure, the ideal choice would probably be mercury. So, here's my idea: a mercury sphygmomanometer which acts as an aerial and tunes to the appropriate station.

A column of mercury is contained in a tube with a series of electrodes along the side and the opposite charge electrode in the reservoir. A series of analogue radio stations broadcast at the frequencies corresponding to the length of the column, muzak or chillout trance music for hypertension, middle of the road or neutral music for healthy blood pressure and the likes of speedcore and thrash metal for hypotension. Blood pressures corresponding to shock or malignant hypertension play hospital drama music like the signature tunes for ER, Casualty or Emergency Ward Ten, and those corresponding to death play the Death March.

The problem with this is of course that systolic and diastolic readings would play different stations sometimes if the pressure fluctuates above and below the relevant frequencies.

This idea can be extended to either body or ambient temperature and to barometric pressure. Body temperature can correspond to blood pressure but with stations playing the likes of "Fever" or "Night Fever" at one end and "Hypothermia" at the other, the rest staying the same. Barometers and ambient thermometers can simply play weather-appropriate music such as "Rain", "Lazing On A Sunny Afternoon" or "Terminal Frost".