h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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[8th] will spend another year kicking himself. |
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This is reminiscent of Stephen Hawking inviting time
travelers from the future to show up to his party. |
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In December, [MaxwellBuchanan] will receive an item of mail. |
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On opening, it will be found to contain a Christmas card from the Borg Collective, containing the message "Thinking Of You" on the cover. |
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The explosion which occurs five seconds later will result in a crater six hectares in area, and level every structure within three kilometres of the hypocentre. |
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The only artifact to survive the blast is the back page of a a Christmas card (made from Unobtainium, cunningly modified to look like cardboard) on which is inscribed the message, "You think you're funny, but you're not". |
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I will advise my card-opening staff accordingly. |
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I suggest putting that envelope onto a A4 piece of paper with glue on it, fold it up into an envelope and post it to the return address. |
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Upon delivrery, the opening of said paper will almost certainly open the envelope within. |
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Having typed that, I discover I don't like the word envelope. It is stupid. |
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Oh dear. We had it in mind to use it to extend the
north-east boating lake. |
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Well, you probably won`t wipe them all out in one go, so I suggest alternating. |
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[8th] will be visited by three ghosts and spend the
last few days of the year trying to make others happy
through various acts of charity and goodwill instead
of exorcising them with the expedience of the
sacrifice of three politicians and a goat. He will also
adopt a child and a kitten and give one of them his
utmost adoration and care. |
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...by feeding it with the other. |
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The Rapture will happen, and there will be mass
hysteria until it is realized that it was just a man
trying to fly a kite in a helicopter flight-path. |
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Someone will post a "Blatantly Idiotic Predictions for 2016" idea. |
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* Just a reminder for [MB] to check his mail. |
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"the market" will become immortal, like a zombie, and will rule every country, while the people will roam about, as if one chair short of a titanic |
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//* Just a reminder for [MB] to check his mail.// |
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Hmmm. Nothing yet - just the usual social chit-
chat(or "invoices" as they endearingly call them) from
tradesmen and purveyors. Oh, and a postcard from
Sturton and the intercalary, who have apparently
rendezvoused in the Turks and Caicos Islands for the
eclipse. Sturton asked me to tell [8th] that he
greatly appreciated the set of engraved artichoke
spoons, but unfortunately neither of the pangolins
arrived intact - he advises him to take the matter up
with Fedex. |
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People will focus on what has already happened rather than working towards the future. |
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A new type of croissant will be discovered, made from philae pastry. Yeasted, and freshly baked, so that customers of the patisserie waited while it rose, ate a few, and waited for the bill to come. It's 67p, or three for £2. |
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Funny, my step-sister just got married down there at the T and C Islands. I wonder if she caused the eclipse as she is quite large... |
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Actual living tribe of Sasquatch encountered in BC Canada in August 2015. By November of that same year courts confer the status of personhood on the species resulting in the Worlds' largest land preserve ever established stretching from New Mexico to Alaska. |
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wait... wait, that might be a different reality, I think it's this one though. |
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//8th] will spend another year kicking himself. |
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As part of a Borg group, if he kicks another member, surely he is kicking himself as well...I'm not even going to think about the more....sensual side of that.. |
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The World will come to an end. (again) |
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// I'm not even going to think about the more....sensual side of that. // |
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Don't bother ... it's not half so much fun as you think. |
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// Sturton asked me to tell [8th] that he greatly appreciated the set of
engraved artichoke spoons, // |
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We are glad he liked them. The trick is of course to freeze the
artichokes with liquid nitrogen before starting the engraving. |
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// but unfortunately neither of the pangolins arrived intact - he
advises him to take the matter up with Fedex. // |
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More bubble wrap, I tole him I did..none of them old chip wrappers. |
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Someone in London gave me an online 'job interview' asking me if I smoke crack and some other questions not exactly family viewing. I of course told the truth and so I didn't get the job. I |
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Headlines and Footnotes will become wearable items. |
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Smoking crack will be a compulsory qualification for all new hires. |
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Margins will be narrower, except in some places, where they will be
wider. However, margins which are neither wider nor narrower will
stay the same. This will be ruthlessly enforced. |
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The European Union budget will be reformed to bring it more in line
with the fiscal and monetary policies of the USA. |
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The world economy will collapse (again). |
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[MaxwellBuchanan] will squat the Blatantly Idiotic
Predictions idea through 2031, thus denying the franchise to
other well meaning futurists |
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// Atheists are blamed, and burnt. // |
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Alarmist and sensational reports appear in mass media, blaming a
sudden increase in global temperatures on the fashion for burning
atheists. Greenpeace demand that all atheists are compressed and
stored in disused coal mines rather than burning them. |
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Richard Dawkins spontaneously combusts. |
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The polar ice caps immediately melt. |
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[8th] will predict that I will try to get one up on the
Borg Collective by posting "Blatantly Idiotic
Predictions for 2016" before the end of 2014, thus
becoming an object of ridicule and derision. |
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I predict that no one will take any notice of my "Matched pair of crystal balls 3D glasses" idea. |
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[MaxwellBuchanan] will try to get one up on the Borg Collective by
posting "Blatantly Idiotic Predictions for 2016" before the end of 2014,
thus becoming an object of ridicule and derision. |
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[rcarty] will post something coherent and comprehensible. |
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So [8th]'s prediction has already come true. Sheer genius I
tell you! |
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I knew it would come true. |
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Abe Vigoda will die for the third time, and this time actually be dead. Late night comedians won't know how to make a decent joke of it. |
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A prediction so esoteric it encompasses alternative universes will come back to haunt this universe. |
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In a court in the Hague, Donald Rumsfeld, George Bush & Tony Blair will argue that they did not contravene Article 5 of the UN Declaration on Human Rights because they authorized the torture of lots of people rather than any one individual. |
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Just saw that we are 10 days away from the Future in Back to the Future II. It appears they got the Cubs and possibly, the general dystopia right [link]. |
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The Queen will abdicate, Charles' first act will be the
systematic destruction of all things Doctor Who. |
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