h a l f b a k e r yI like this idea, only I think it should be run by the government.
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Fred Phelps will form an exploratory committee to run for the next governor of Kansas as a Tea Party candidate. |
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Social media will turn into a workplace. |
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A new food group will be discovered through space exploration. |
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The last annotation to this idea will be dated
December 20th, 2012 |
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Puerto Rico will petition to become a territory under the watch of the Maldives. Maldivians flee to there in droves to escape rising sea levels. |
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Damn you, [theircompetitor], we were just
about to post a very similar anno … |
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Historians will reveal that the Mayan Calendar is actually a taco serving tray. |
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I'm not sure on the details yet, but I expect the word "distopian" to feature heavily in descriptions of it. |
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Someone will claim the N-Prize, but then it will be discovered that they illegally applied Rentisham's wax to the stabilisers, disqualifying them, saving Max B from having to make a payout that he obviously cannot afford. |
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The word "dystopian" will be spelled
correctly. |
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//Someone will claim the N-Prize, but then it will be
discovered that they illegally applied Rentisham's
wax to the stabilisers, disqualifying them// |
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Highly unlikely. Trust me, you do NOT want to
expose flenting wax (really, any sort of flenting
related material at all) to a vacuum. |
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The Royals will welcome a new addition to their
family, albeit an alien. |
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//you do NOT want to expose flenting wax (really,
any sort of flenting related material at all) to a
vacuum.// |
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I beg (and I use the word merely as a social nicety)
to differ. One of the very few occasions on which
Rentisham's has been offered to a foreign power
was during the final preparations for the Apollo 11
launch. |
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You will recall that that mission involved
reconfiguring the spacecraft mid-flight, and
coupling the lunar module to the command
module by means of a docking probe. It was
discovered, 36hrs before the launch, that
ionization of the thruster gases would create a
significant static charge between the two parts,
and there was a real concern that this charge
would arc between the probe and the lunar
module, creating a spot-weld which would foul
the docking. |
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After some tense negotiations and some hasty
back-of-the-envelope calculations, it was found
that a thin coating of Rentisham's would solve the
problem. A representative was sent, carrying a
small canister of Rentisham's which he, personally,
applied to the critical components. The rest is
history. |
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[Letsbuildafort] Will make a brief resurgence with
ideas and a few annos. Then quietly return to his
place in HB obscurity. |
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Quite right, [MB], but I believe there may have been some misunderstanding.
When I said you don't want to expose flenting wax to a vacuum, I meant the
type that's used for sweeping floors and such (I suppose I should have used the
word “Hoover” for purposes of clarity (not to mention general cultural
appropriateness)). You see, that sentence was a bit of a non-sequitur—I was
merely scoffing at what I saw as a particularly blatantly idiotic prediction, as
well as providing helpful advice regarding the cleanup of spilled or otherwise
misapplied flenting wax. |
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The reason being, of course, that it tends to gum up the motor quite badly,
necessitating costly repairs. |
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I made no apology, and still make none. I was merely
explaining the source of any confusion that may have arisen
from my use of the homonym “vacuum”. As I explained
previously, my skepticism regarding the prediction made by
[sqeaketh] and my helpful household hint regarding the
cleanup of excess Rentisham's were largely unrelated
thoughts, tied together solely by the common thread of
flenting wax, not space exploration or household
appliances. |
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My actual reason for doubting the prediction is that I
have seen no verifiable proof that outer space actually
exists. |
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Japan will build a massive watermill to take
advantage of future tectonic activity. It will become
the favorite toy of a large lizard who will provide
Japan with free electricity most of the year. |
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//My actual reason for doubting the prediction is that I have seen no verifiable proof that outer space actually exists.//
And I have seen no convincing evidence that [ytk] actually exists. It is said that [ytk]'s annos are actually created by a random number generator based on the decay of a radium source. |
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//It is said that [ytk]'s annos are actually created by a
random number generator based on the decay of a radium
source.// |
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Basically correct, with one minor addition. Radioactive
decay being a quantum event, each annotation splits the
universe into an infinite number of alternative realities,
with a different anno in each one. A filter is then applied
to check if the annotation makes sense in context. If it
does not, the universe is simply destroyed. |
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1. Native Americans, North and South, will discover Europe, plant their flag and start taking indentured servants. When they find out just how useless these slaves are they will pack up their collections of plundered soccer paraphernalia and sail back home.
2. Jutta will install a spell checker so I won't need to google paraphernalia. |
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After the Mayan calendar cycle is a non-event, people's smug 'foolish Mayans' attitude will be replaced by a contrite 'gullible us', as they realise that the Mayans made no prediction of change. |
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Paradoxically, this will usher in a New Age of rational enlightenment, as people everywhere learn not to believe anything without evidence. |
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Alternatively, people will also learn not to act on prejudicial disbeliefs without evidence... |
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The Mayan calendar is revealed to herald not the end of
the world, but rather a revival of the Soul/Motown scene,
kicked off by the runaway success of the first studio album
by “Agnes Day & The Riders”. The confusion was due to an
unlikely series of mistranslations, as well as a mixup
involving the Book of Revelation. |
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Obligatory Prediction: late in the year 2013 (probably in December) someone (probably 8th of 7) will post an idea (probably very much like this one) for Blatantly Idiotic Predictions for 2014. |
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In the summer of 2013, a Peruvian llama herder will discover that llama tears are a suitably renewable fuel source, providing power equivalent to gasoline while producing virtually no harmful emissions. |
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Soon after the discovery, PETA will announce a massive world-wide campaign to protect unhappy llamas from cruel comments about their weight and taunting due to the llamas' inherent inability to line-dance. |
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Peru will be the founding member of OLTEC - Organization of the Llama Tear Exporting Countries, joined by minority members USA and Canada. |
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Chinese entrepreneurs will attempt to market imitation llama tears which will be proven to have come from the fabled Grass Mud Horse. |
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//I have seen no verifiable proof that outer space
actually exists// Shropshire. |
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// Shropshire//
Oh, right. That's where the Native-American invasion boats landed. |
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Somewhere around December 13th of 2013, people will finally be able to get some use out of the Christmas-themed gifts they got for Christmas 0f 2012. |
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"Oh, look! A souvenir Salop Christmas ornament! How nice. I can hardly wait for eleven-and-a-half months from now." |
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An archaeological expedition to Central America will discover, deep underneath a Mayan pyramid, a highly complex timing mechanism of unknown manufacture which has stalled just before it is due to expire. |
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The expedition members will return to their camp, and send urgent emails to all major world governments requesting the immediate dispatch of personnel skilled in Explosive Ordnance Disposal and related skills. |
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They will then sit around their campfire, speculating wildly and imbibing large amounts of alcoholic beverages. |
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However, before the Black Helicopters arrive on site, one team member, having missed their way in the tropical darkness due to intoxication, wanders back into the excavation, trips, and reaches out to save themselves from falling. Regrettably, the object they grasp is a protruding lever clearly labelled in Mayan pictograms "Manual Override. Do Not Touch". |
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And then it suddenly all gets very loud and bright and expensive. |
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I will have an original, and humourous idea, which I
will subsequently post here. |
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// very loud and bright and expensive // |
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I will have a girlfriend like that. |
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// I will have a girlfriend like that // |
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Distracted by a flock of flying pigs,
[baconbrain] will be knocked down and
trampled to death by a unicorn. |
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The man formerly known as the man formerly known
as Prince will release a much awaited sequel to his
single, "Tonight I'm Going To Party Like It's 12/21/12" |
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Ian Tindale will return to the HB. (And bakers will apologize for treating him so shabbily over that video thing.) And there will be rejoicing. |
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A "blatantly idiotic" sub-sub-sub-category will be added under "halfbakery: seasonal: predictions." |
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Correction: A top-level category, named "not blatantly idiotic" will be created, with nothing in it. |
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The new empty category will be hailed as God, and many speculations of its nature will fill the halfbakery. |
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London hospitals will acquire modern day phone technology known as * caller ID * that will aid in preventing prank phone calls. |
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[squeak] will post an invention called "DreamCam" with the hugely humorous subtitle "iDream," which allows one to record lucid images "seen" in a dream, then will discover that the same idea was posted by TIB in 2003 under the name "Dream Machine." [squeak] will then notice that [jutta] pointed out that this invention already occurred in the movie Till the End of the World. [squeak] will delete the posting immediately. ... |
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...which is a shame because I spent the extremely small amount of time at my disposal this morning finding relevant links you might wish to see, and so I will post them here though they are completely random with regards to the idea as posted. |
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In that case I will repost the idea to honor your efforts. |
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I am greatly pleased by this gesture and will transfer said links before incurring the wrath of the collective. |
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[sqeak] will notice a missing *u* |
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Bunning and Boning on the “Blatantly Idiotic” ideas will be rationalised automatically, by weighting individual voters’ votes, so that each idea has the same net number of votes. The principle will then be rolled out across the ’bakery over the next few months, before being adopted enthusiastically by all major world “democracies” by the end of the year. |
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All Halfbakers, on 12/20/2012, will enter a time loop (like in the film 'Groundhog Day'), forced to relive the day over and over and over ad infinitum. |
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All Halfbakers, on 12/20/2012, will enter a time loop (like in the film 'Groundhog Day'), forced to relive the day over and over and over ad infinitum. |
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All Halfbakers, on 12/20/2012, will enter a time loop (like in the film 'Groundhog Day'), forced to relive the day over and over and over ad infinitum. |
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We should do these alliterative next year for more challenge. |
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I'm still here and it's now the 21st...It seems I might have survived the apocalypse and need to get more canned food. |
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Americans will stop needing to own about a hundred guns each, and go back to carrying cudgels and hatchets. (how idiotic is that?) |
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I already have a hatchet! [xen]
It's truly sad that the media portrays this country in such a way... |
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...and go after their Congressmen with them. |
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//sticking with the first convention, all words should start with a capital letter// wot? |
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?[bigsleep] wot needs adjusting?
I agree with going after all the politicians - World Wide! |
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I will send each and everyone of you a halfbaked fruitcake. |
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//It's truly sad that the media portrays this country in such a way...// [xandram] |
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Number of Murders by firearms, Britain, 2011: 58
Number of Murders by Firearms, US, 2010: 8,775 |
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Time to get a bigger hatchet! USA seems a terrifying place to me - bristling with guns. Time for me to think up a another half-baked gun-nut idea. I have it! Convert everything so that it can fire off a single bullet in 2013. |
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I predict that in time everything sold in America will be able to fire a bullet. Even some of the animals that live in the woods will obtain weapons under new legislation. This will be called The Right To Arm Bears. |
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Under equality legislation, bears sue for the right to hunt
humans. By popular vote, an amendment is enacted allowing
bears to hunt any politician earning more than USD$50,000 per
year, with a bag limit in areas where they are scarce. |
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The quality of life in the USA improves tremendously. Other
nations watch in awe, before enacting similar legislation.
Canada becomes immensely wealthy based on bear exports.
The Ursudollar pushes the Petrodollar into the background.
Alaska becomes the richest US state. After Sarah Palin is eaten by a
Kodiak bear, property prices in the state quadruple overnight. |
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In Europe, Brussels is converted into a theme park called
BearLand. Bear-worship becomes commonplace. After wolves
are included, wolf cubs become the latest must-have accessories. |
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OK, I see the 'f' now, but not sure I'll change it. Why do you like conformity so much?
Next subject:
Population of Britain= 62,641,000
Population of USA = 314,980,202. That would certainly make a difference in any statistics you wish to represent or misrepresent! I am not a gun owner, nor have I ever witnessed a murder and I've lived here for 60 years. [xenzag] must visit some horrible places. |
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// I am not a gun owner, nor have I ever witnessed a murder and I've lived here for 60 years. // |
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There's this lovely little village called St. Mary Meade ... |
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"Americans don’t just have more guns that anyone else – 270 million privately held firearms. They also have the highest gun ownership per capita rate in the world, with an average of about nine guns for every 10 Americans." Washington Post. |
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I predict that eventually Americans will own every gun in the world - ha! - sorry [xandram] but I know all too well where to feel fear. Whether it be at my friend's remote house in Vermont, or my other friend's apartment in Los Angles. America is a country stalked with fear and paranoia. That's why they need all those guns. Why else would guns sales have gone through the roof again this week? I'm just glad I don't live there. Even our police are unarmed in UK. |
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Hope my fellow Americans are all safe and sound this coming year. |
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// Even our police are unarmed in UK // |
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You haven't been to Heathrow recently, have you ... ? |
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it keeps coming back to the same thing. Why do
you need all that oil. Why do you need all those
guns. Why do you need all those gadgets. Why do
you need all those SUVs? |
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You can think that the answer is in bourgeois
marketing impulses. Or some other nouveau riche
impulse. Or paranoia. No doubt they all play a
part. |
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But really, whether you like it or not, our
fundamental understanding of liberty is that not
only is it none of your business, but we believe
that you asking actually infringes on those rights --
because we are individuals, and our rights are
inalienable, and no one -- not even a temporary
majority of us -- should be able to dictate
otherwise. |
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"Why do you need" ultimately is a moralistic
question -- one that you have no right to ask
anyone, unless you are actually answering a
request for money, say from your loser brother in
law. Which, funny enough, is often
the opposite of how this conversation is going, at
least lately. |
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//we are individuals// surely you can't all be. |
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//our rights are inalienable, and no one -- not
even a temporary majority of us -- should be able
to dictate otherwise// |
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I think that's a fair point. Relatively gunless
nations tend to look askance, but they can
legislate for themselves. |
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At the same time, it's not usually possible to have
rights which are inalienable for all time. At some
point in history, people were allowed to bait
bears, buy strychnine at the corner shop, and sell
children. Society changed, and bear-baiting was
outlawed; doubtless strychnine and child selling
will also some day be restricted. Are you
suggesting that, at no time in
the future, ever, will the right to own firearms
become alienable? |
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It was, presumably, every person's inalienable
right at one time to carry pretty much any kind of
firearm wherever they like, yet my understanding
is that now that right has been limited, inasmuch
as carrying a concealed gun may be illegal (I don't
know - I'm guessing). |
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waxwings will come to my garden... |
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have I lightened the mood? |
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// strychnine and child selling will also some day be restricted. // |
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The horror, the horror ... how will chimneys be swept ? How will inconvenient elderly relatives be removed ? 'tis but a Modest Proposal (q.v.) ... |
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'Are there no prisons ? And the Union workhouses, are they still in operation?' |
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'If they would rather die,' said Scrooge, 'they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population." |
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// have I lightened the mood? // |
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The jury's still out on that one ... |
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there's a process for that MB, it's called an
amendment. |
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Sorry, po, et.al -- did not want to get into that
debate but didn't really start it :). |
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Here's the next Blatantly Idiotic prediction: There
will be no further references to gun control in this
annotation stream! |
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[Ian Tindale] will quietly re-capitalise each of the previous Idiotic predIctions. |
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//Party Like It's 12/21/12// On 12th September 2013, the Mayans will turn up and laugh at people for getting the calendar wrong. |
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//it's called an amendment// So what's the
difference between an amendment and an
alienation? |
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An amendment requires a solid shift in super
majority
opinion, sustained over significant time (requiring
approval at multiple steps in the political
hierarchy).
Amendments can be major mistakes, too (the
income tax,
Prohibition are two examples that come to mind).
Some
are popular only when it's convenient (for
instance, many
advocated amending the Constitution to allow the
Terminator to run for President, when he was
popular). And of course there are limits to
amendments |
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But even when amendments are foolhardy, there
at least is a long, sustained process of thinking
about
them. Whereas the "there ought to be a law"
impulses are downright dangerous to liberty. |
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And I don't talk about amendments all the time. |
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//how will chimneys be swept ? How will
inconvenient elderly relatives be removed ?// |
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Tell me about it. I've had to bring out the badger-
on-a-rope and clean my own chimney's of late. |
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As for the elderly relatives, though, they generally
aren't a problem. As far back as my family records
go, they have had an endearing habit of
developing increasingly ill-advised enthusiasms in
their later years. |
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The First Earl Of Buchanan took himself out of the
picture at the age of 74 (admittedly an indecently
old age for those times) shortly after he started
work on a crossbow capable of shooting around
corners (or, as it turned out, around three
corners). He sort of set a trend. |
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Our latest departure (Ffygs Trenchant-Buchanan -
a distant relation) made a graceful exit only three
days ago off the coast of Hobart; apparently he
took the sign "Box Jellyfish" literally. |
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//As for the elderly relatives, though, they generally
aren't a problem. As far back as my family records go,
they have had an endearing habit of developing
increasingly ill-advised enthusiasms in their later
years.// |
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//I've had to bring out the badger- on-a-rope and
clean my own chimney's of late.// |
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Hear that wailing off in the distance, [Max]? |
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What's happened to that beautiful antique boxed set of foot-
turned panda-bone fropping rods then, the one with the inlaid
silver badger screw attachment? Admittedly the ferrules are a bit
worn, but careful repacking with owlskin shims would soon put
them right- any competent tree surgeon should be able to do the
job. They seemed to work wonderfully well when the Third
Assistant Windowbox Undergardener was clearing the blockage
in the flue in the second bathroom of the Slightly Off-Beige Guest
Suite in the North East wing after the unfortunate
misunderstanding during the last New Year's Eve party. After all,
there are only so many syllables in the world, and no-one could
have reasonably forseen what that phrase meant in Latvian; but
perhaps you should buy the Christmas Crackers from a different
supplier this year. The tradename "Acme" on the carton did not
inspire confidence, and it isn't usual for pulling a cracker to result
in a brisk game of hunt-the-fingers so that they can be surgically
reattached. |
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I would like to submit a quote (prediction) from an astrologer friend of mine: |
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The main falsehood our species is wrestling with is the illusion of duality, that one group of people somewhere is worse than another. This external split reflects the inner division of humanity. For a long time we have been a split species with an unhealed emotional wound that some say goes back to Atlantis, when the elite ruling class first dominated and controlled the populace. This inner split must be healed if we are to cross the gate and get to something better. If that occurs, I do not predict wild euphoric visions of paradise arising on the other side, but normal life.~~Mark Borax |
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Normal life - Hah! The world is so vast and diversified. The US itself is like 50 different countries. I have travelled from coast to coast and have seen the wide array of differences and lifestyles. I have travelled to third world countries and have never felt fear, even watching cabbies have a knife fight over who would drive us! [xenzag] - look inside your elf as that is where the fear lies.
I live in the countryside where we don't lock our doors! |
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// The tradename "Acme" on the carton did not
inspire confidence// But they looked so attractive,
with those little knobbly cases and the fancy pin you
pull to make them go bang. |
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//normal life.~~Mark Borax// An astrologer who
believes in Atlantis and who is named after a salt of
a mineral acid is hardly in a position to comment on
normal life. |
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Except of the car accident estimate, it's about 100 per day. |
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That's about how many there is in the US. |
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I don't disagree with you. In fact it actually seems like a reasonable expectation in a society with such an availability of high-powered assault rifles that someone will kill a bunch of people from time to time. One cunning strategy to reduce the phenomena is to simply normalize the occurances, reduce reporting of the incidents down to daily mundanity, and once normalized it will become an unfavorable means. |
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// it actually seems like a reasonable expectation in a
society with such an availability of high-powered assault
rifles that someone will kill a bunch of people from time to
time // |
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Now that, sir, is a blatantly idiotic prediction. |
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On a side note: after being repeatedly informed via
multiple news sources that AR-15s are very dangerous
guns, I've been keeping a close eye on my collection of
them. So far, none of them appear to have exhibited any
sort of dangerous behavior, but I'll keep watching. |
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Maxwell will learn to be polite and stop calling people names or he will not be allowed to go out for recess. |
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Cars (and all modes of powered transportation) are
shockingly capable weapons. Really, we need to go
back to horse and buggy. |
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I've always thought that the proper opening is in the
Constitution itself (i.e. well regulated militia). It
seems that requiring a membership in something like
the National Guard, with regular responsibilities,
would pass Constitutional muster. And of course,
taxes. |
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//Maxwell will learn to be polite and stop calling
people names or he will not be allowed to go out
for recess.// |
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Hey, he's the guy who called himself Borax. |
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To predictions. [Ubie] will return and depart with
increasing frequency, culminating with a
superposition of states in which he's not all here. |
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[8th] will be found to be wearing a cardigan and
surrounded by calendars featuring fluffy kittens. |
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[FlyingToaster] will at least once more try to disambiguate the terms "assault rifle" and "assault weapon", one term referring to a modern-era stock military personal firearm that is neither high-powered nor particularly easy to acquire, the other marking the wielder [edit: "wielder of the term"] as being willfully irresponsible in the area of firearms' control. |
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The Habit: An Unexpected Burning will be the first
porn movie to be nominated for an Academy Award,
and will unexpectedly beat The Desolation of Smaug
to win the Oscar for Special Effects |
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I got yer disambiguation right here, pal! |
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heheh, I meant somebody who refers to firearms as "assault weapons", not somebody who owns such fairy-taled instruments. |
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Circumstance permitting, if'n I lived a hundred or more miles south of where I do, I'd feel obligated to have something in the AR family in the safe, alongside a small (but mildly interesting) collection of vintage and antique rifles, and perhaps an oilcan full of replacement parts inconspicously buried in the backyard somewhere. Not that I feel any great loss of course, but still... |
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Due mille tredici non sarà piu Due mille tredici |
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A study will be released on July 21, the results of which
indicate all problems are caused by sex. World
governments will unite to outlaw sex. Henceforth all
procreation will occur in petri-dishes, and only chemically
induced pleasures will be allowed. |
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Sometime in 2013, I will post a new idea. |
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13 has always been my number. Not my lucky number, just my number. |
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Wow, baconbrain, you and I are now neighbors. Who
knew???I'm in Springfield,IL. Right next door to the
Ozarks. If I look out my kitchen window... |
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Yay for you 21. That is great news. A good company is
hard to come by. Wouldn't switch Goodwill, for
nothing. Great company. We are both blessed. |
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Congrats 21Q. That does sound like a good start to the year. I was just thinking fondly about the people who work with me and realized that is probably a rare thing and worth taking the time to appreciate it. Go 2013 onwards and upwards. |
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Congrats, [21Q], and a Happy New Year to all. |
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Some marketing firm will abscond with the term
'flenting,' resulting in chaos and lawsuits in which the
plaintiffs are cornered to attempt to explain the
terminology to non-halfbakers. |
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Four snowflakes will fall on London in one 24 hour period. |
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The entire UK will close until Spring. Millions of people in other
countries where they get real amounts of snow will die laughing. |
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That happens most every year, and every year we die
laughing. For sure. |
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J.J Abrams will finally mash up Star Wars and Star
Trek in a Tom Cruise Scientology vehicle, where we'll
discover that Scientologists were the original Jedi,
and that midichlorians were discovered by a recently
married Kirk & Spock (Travolta, of course) on a
remote retirement planet vaguely reminiscent of Key
West |
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//midichlorians were discovered by a recently
married Kirk & Spock// Aren't they the little things
in your cells that make ATP? |
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No, that's Tribbles. Please, do try to keep up … |
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An archaeologist working in the Sahara Desert will postulate that, contrary to popular scientific opinion, we are not experiencing *global warming*, but rather a *normalization* of temperatures as the Earth finally returns to its natural state after the last Ice Age. |
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Among the expected future tourist attractions are an ice-free Arctic Ocean, waterfront condos in Antarctica, and glass-bottomed boats tours of many former-seacoast cities (Mumbai, Venice, New York, San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver to name but a few). |
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A race of aliens will stop by Earth in their spaceship, to
steal a shitload of heat from our ecosystem. Global
warming will be something we ardently desire, as
temperatures drop by 6 degrees Celsius, globally. |
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//The First Earl Of Buchanan took himself out of the picture at the age of 74 |
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Er, that just sounds like good photoshop skills. Have you noticed cheese depredation and just put it down to mice? Go check for false walls. |
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