h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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If you are the type of person who is accident prone in most situations, yet you have the type of occupation where your image can make or break you, then you can take out your very own Black Eye Insurance.
The way that it works is that if you are required to conduct a business meeting or a seminar
and you have the unfortunate incident of bruising your face, the insurance company will pay out on your missed income opportunities while you recover.
Insurance insurance
Insurance_20insurance
Covers the cost of your Black Eye Insurance if you suddenly become pretty and famous. [DrBob, Jan 27 2010]
There's money in black eyes...
http://news.bbc.co....culture/8470393.stm
"A self-portrait of artist Lucian Freud sporting a black eye could fetch £4m when it is auctioned next month." [hippo, Jan 28 2010]
[link]
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Perhaps you can get a specific insurance policy on your face, much like some top models have done. I hear it's pretty expensive. |
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Or, you could buy an icepack and some concealer. |
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Or you could stop instigating barfights and blaming it on innocent doors or floors. |
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Black eyes are badges of honor that should be worn accordingly. If your business opportunities suffer due to having a black eye, you should get out of the artsie fartsie twinkle-toed fairy field you are in. |
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// Black eyes are badges of honor // |
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That sounds disturbingly similar to the way the Gurkhas collect ears from fallen enemies ... (and don't let ANYONE tell you they've stopped doing it in these "more enlightened" times. They do. They sit around little camp fires in the evening, sipping their filthy tea and comparing other people's ears and grinning and sniggering. Quite terrifying). |
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(Did we say how much we respect the Gurkhas ? A fine body of brave, honourable, loyal and determined men. We in no way wish to imply that Gurkas are in any way vicious grinning little psychopathic fiends, almost as frightening to their comrades as the enemy. If not more so, because their comrades get to live to see what they're capable of). |
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(And then wake up in the night whimpering every time they remember). |
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//collect ears from fallen enemies// |
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Well, what else is there to do with the ears of the vanquished? |
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Put pies on them and explore new places? |
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Human ears have always reminded me strongly of bacon. |
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// If your business opportunities suffer due to having a black eye, you should get out of the artsie fartsie twinkle-toed fairy field you are in.// But those are the fields where you find the big money. |
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// fields where you find the big money // |
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Like, with a metal detector, or what ? |
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There are actually very few - if any - situations in which a
genuine black eye cannot be turned to immense advantage. |
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[Max] I've been struggling to think of a
counter-example, but I think you're right. |
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//Like, with a metal detector, or what ?// Pretty much. The artsy fartsy careers pay people based on who they know and who they rub elbows with...oh, and you have to be pretty enough to represent the company whether you are a man or woman. Those careers include; high dollar art galleries, snooty clothing stores, luxury auto dealerships that only sell cars that most people have not heard of. (e.g. Maybech, Aston Marton, Bentley, etc.) |
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//cars that most people have not heard of. (e.g. Maybech,
Aston Marton, Bentley, etc.)// |
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Good lord, if people haven't heard of Aston and Bentley,
where on earth do they buy their servant's cars from, for
goodness' sake? |
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Who knows ? They probably have people to do that for them, and if they don't they should. Besides, cars are so plebeian ... |
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But then the insurance companies will know who's in Fight Club. |
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Black Eye Insurance will offer an indemnity policy at a special rate for Fight Club members. |
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//There are actually very few - if any - situations in which a genuine black eye cannot be turned to immense advantage.//
Indeed. Look at Giant Pandas. All they have to do is stare at people with their big, black eyes and they get whisked off to luxury accomodation and offered endless sex for life. I hate Giant Pandas. |
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