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It is a warm night and you are trying to sleep.
The turning off of the lights seems to have triggered a change in your bedfellow's biochemistry. He/she is now radiating heat at a level more akin to the output of a particularly enthusiastic star than a human being. To compound this problem, they
insist on encroaching upon your side of the bed, by means of one of the ancient advances (The Rolling Sausage, The Fighting Starfish etc). You could kill them and bury them in the garden, but what if you don't have a garden or find yourself simply too fatigued for murder? What then is to be done?
The bed bump solves this problem. A gently-inclining hillock running down the middle of the mattress that prevents advancement into your territory and shields you from the heat output by the blissfully unconscious lump on the other side. Peace at last.
America and Bundling
http://www.trivia-l...ca-and-bundling.htm
[ldischler, Aug 06 2006]
Lanelines for the Bed
Lanelines_20for_20the_20Bed
[ldischler, Aug 06 2006]
Rotisserie bed
Rotisserie_20bed
This is the technology [ldischler]'s annotation needs [hippo, Aug 08 2006]
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Annotation:
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I'm afraid I'm not sure what a bundling board is [Idischler]. The Bed Bump is a hump built into the mattress, so I hope slightly different and superior to a discrete separation device that might be removed/circumvented by a determined attacker. |
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It's an American thing, back when there were more people than beds. In any case, it seems redundant with "Lanelines for the Bed." |
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Interesting bundling link, thanks [Idischler]. I think this can still stand as an idea having somewhat different aim (heat avoidance rather than preservation) and implementation (soft, noble, integrated hump rather than crude board solution) from the bundling board. I don't agree that Lanelines renders this redundant as they are simply markings with no enforcement of cross-mattress movement restrictions...[goes and reads Lanelines thoroughly]...dammit, alright maybe you have a case. I imagined the hump bigger than the small dividers described but the principal is identical. Sigh - to the drawing board. |
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I don't think the lanelines idea makes this redundant at all. Though I don't think the lump needs to be built in - if it were able to rise and fall in the same way those mechancial beds bend, then the lump could turn into a dip for when you want things to get a little hotter. |
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A series of rectractable and extensible peaks can be programmed to resemble mountain ranges of your choice, making you and your partner into giants resting in the himalayas one night, alps the next. |
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Or gods watching the rise and fall of land masses through the eons of time. Add it to a waterbed and you have the whole creation of earth happening while you sleep. Ah, to have the power of gods in bed... |
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Have a bun just for the subtitle, anyway. |
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//this idea could solve all my tatooing dilemas//oops, wrong cut and paste. |
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//Ah, to have the power of gods in bed...// (that's better)
Sweet dreams. |
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Surely the obvious solution is just to get a waterbed and fill it with a substance whose melting point is just fractionally above normal human body termperature? Then, when your bed partner starts emitting abnormal amounts of heat, they will just sink slightly into the bed rather than being able to come over to your side and contaminate your bit of the bed with this excess heat. As an added bonus, the melting of this substance will itself consume a fair amount of energy which would otherwise be lost to the room as heat, so your bed partner's feverish temperature won't heat up the room as much as it might have done. |
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//mountain ranges of your choice// Or perhaps cylindrical twin sheets slowly driven by a hidden apparatus, whirring and clanking under the bed frame. So that each sheet surface slowly moves from a center gap to the edge, separating the slumbering bodies like continents until they plunge off the edge. |
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Lovely idea [jutta]. You too [hippo]. I like the sheet dividers [Idischler], perhaps if you could actuate these individually from buttons in the headboard instead of having constant outward movement they could be used to defend against invasion. |
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//constant outward movement// Okay, let's have four cylindrical sheets, each pair slowly moving in opposition so that each of the bodies tends to become centered on their own territory. Of course, the constant motion will tend to twist up the PJs, or abrade the skin of those not wearing PJs, and eventually, someone will get too centered and get themselves subducted. I guess some might see that as a problem. |
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Excellent idea, particularly the subtitle, and and adjustable one would be even better. [+] |
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//Excellent idea, particularly the subtitle//
Bed Bump is not bad either, which the urban dictionary defines as "The matted, teased lump of hair that females get after vigarous missionary intercourse." |
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Brilliant [ldischler]. The Halfbakery is so educational. |
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//Okay, let's have four cylindrical sheets, each pair slowly moving in opposition so that each of the bodies tends to become centered on their own territory.// |
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This idea is moving away from mountian ranges and god power, etc., etc., toward 7-Eleven hot dogs roasting under a display case. |
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I feel less like a god and more like a dog (hot dog, that is). |
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