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Most travelers on commercial air services will have seen a demonstration of how to put on a lifejacket.
Very, very few have actually done it for real, or have any concept of how difficult it actually is. (It is actually quite remarkably difficult, which is enough in itself to engender low-level panic
even to an experienced aviator)
BorgCo are developing a system to allow passengers to practice.
The idea is simple; somewhere in an airport, there is a cupboard-sized space containing three standard airline seats. To make the simulation more valid, there is no "aisle" seat, only window - centre - window, thus equally restricting all participants; the "door" is another dummy "window".
Three participants watch the training video, they then enter and sit down,put on their seat belts, fold down their tray tables, and set up any relevant laptops, portable games, magazines, books, knitting, or other clutter.
When they are all ready, the lights dim somewhat, the "cabin" starts to joggle around a bit, and the occupants have to reach under their seat and extract a "lifejacket" (actually a cheap, tough, re-usable facsimile, but with all the "bits") and then put it on, in their seat, cramped in by other people performing the same task, the overhead lockers, and all their clutter.
They're video-recorded while they do this.
Sometimes, an airport or airline employee (or indeed a community volunteer) will substitute for one of the participants. They may either pretend to be very confused and request help, be extraordinarily clumsy, simulate panic, or simply be remarkably obese; any of which will make the process that much more of a challenge for the other participants.
At the end, the passenger gets a mini-DVD of their experience to watch, and their passport is stamped so that they can't just go round repeating the experience because they find it fun. When their passport expires and is replaced, they can have another go.
[link]
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This is similar to the proposal that commercial airliners have their seats all facing backwards, for better protection in a crash. |
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// a rapid decompression also, // |
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Of course what they don't mention is that said decompression often induces a sudden and catastrophic loss of sphincter control ... |
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Why don't I ever see seat cushions floating around the scene of a water accident? Be honest, they sink like stones don't they? |
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The wind blows some of them away; those who manage to grab one tend to keep it as a souvenir; and the rescuers harvest the rest and take them home for their patio chairs. Free cushions, how bad can that be ? |
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And the water helps to get rid of most of the stains, and the smell ... |
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The set of seats should be mounted on gimbals so that passers-by
can
amuse themselves by spinning the occupants with a random,
chaotic motion, to add verisimilitude to the simulation experience |
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An excellent suggestion, [hip]. |
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// Only if you're full of shit. // |
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Someone will be. Young, fit, healthy people don't tend to have a problem, and most military personnel - the ones who get to experience decompression - fit that profile. |
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Older passengers, who may have been pondering the optimum timing of clambering over their fellow inmates to pay a visit to the lavatories, are notably vulnerable. |
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Those who have just had a meal, and washed it down with carbonated drinks, tend to have problems with their gastric contents. |
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Don't forget the water. And a battering ram to jostle the room
containing the passengers just prior to water being squirted onto
them. Airplane cabins probably leak after a rough water landing.
Shirley this one does. |
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No, you get a bit of warning in most water landings (apart from US 1549, which was about three minutes) so you get to put your lifejacket on in the dry ... it's the other passengers who are going to be your problem. |
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What a bunch of miserable cynics you are ... why do you lot always assume that any idea we propose is devoid of innocent altruism, but rather a covert vehicle for viciously inflicting needless suffering on the unwary and an opportunity for us to indulge in smug, misanthropic gloating ? |
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Because we will be assimilated... resistance is futile. |
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...and that sucks, so... NOT!
Infinity no take-backsies! |
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Be thankful I don't charge you a royalty every time you type
//smug, misanthropic gloating//, [8th]. |
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//getting the mask on AND getting into a lifejacket// |
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Well I'M not putting on that stuff. It's all a hoax. |
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That's right, you'd just be doing what *THEY* want you to do. |
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[This message is sponsored by Friendly Funeral Facilitators Inc.] |
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// I don't charge you a royalty // |
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It's a delightful turn of phrase, but we doubt it is original to you. Nothing else you come up with is original, so chances are that isn't either. |
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// It's all a hoax// You could video the outside of this unit and find official staff photos of the other "passengers" to prove it. |
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That's right. Everyone knows that aircraft never actually crash; the passengers are snatched away by Them, and then the "crash" is staged to fool onlookers. |
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They've got very good at it over the years. |
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Clearly what's needed is a lifejacket mask. |
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Be saved by how well your mask hooks to your ears... |
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Well, have -you- ever been killed in an aeroplane crash? No, I thought not. |
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Yes, don't you think it's highly suspicious that there's no evidence of a conspiracy ... ? |
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// Be saved by how well your mask hooks to your ears... // |
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In that situation it would make more sense to take your ears off, and carry them separately - maybe in a bag, along with the mask. |
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Hmm...Kind of cute and helpful. What the hell is wrong with
you, 8th? You have a reputation to maintain. This could be the
end of your being a cat-hating dick. |
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We like to throw in an occasional curveball to keep the class paying attention. |
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Whew, for a moment there I thought you said 'the classy' and
was understandably concerned. |
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What, you're awake too, and actually paying attention ? Amazing. Must be some sort of new record. |
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"Confused" or "Bewildered" makes more sense than "Concerned", because "Concerned" implies a level of comprehension* that doesn't relate to previous performance. |
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