h a l f b a k e r yWarm and Fussy
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Warning ! Attack furniture on patrol. This sign would be
prominently displayed on your property as a deterent. The
idea is that it places a deep dread, rising from a fear of the
unknown, in the mind of a potential intruder.
Who relishes the idea of being pinned down by a raging wardrobe, ably
assisted by a swarm of folding chairs?
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Annotation:
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[marked–for–deletion] absolute bollocks, completely lacking in invention. |
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...anything to fill the userpage "eh"? |
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Still waiting for [coproc]'s fishbone to attack. Clearly not trained properly. |
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Is the idea for the sign, or the actual furniture? If you can create real furniture that will identify and safely immobilise and intruder, then this gets my bun, just as soon as you explain how. |
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If it's just the text for a sign, I've always thought "Danger Extreme Biohazard", "Beware of the Ant" or "This Property is Protected by Snipers-R-Us. Please call 0800-555-666 for assistance or to report a pick-up" would be quite the deterrent. |
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A recent psychologists's report commissioned by the
Home Office in the UK revealed that one in ten burglars
expressed a fear of becoming entangled with folding
chairs when making good their escape. Now go and fetch
a stick and I'll throw it for you little doggies. |
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I don't find this the least bit amusing. Is it me? |
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//burlgar //
what is burlgar, some type of burlap cigar or an internet burger of some sort? is it good? can i have some? |
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A burlgar is an inturder who takes your thnigs. |
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im glad to know i played a small part in that. |
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This idea takes us into Dr Who territory I'm pleased to say. "Terror of the Autons" featured a plastic 'attack' chair that wrapped itself around it's victim and suffocated them to death. Classic stuff. |
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"A burlgar is an inturder who takes your
thnigs." |
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At first i thought you were just an idiot
... but then i realised ... and now i can't
stop laughing (God i hope that wasn't
just a typo). |
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Don't like my idea? good ! Means you won't be tempted. I
had one of these signs outside my former home for years
and my house has never been broken into - at one time
every single property on my street was robbed apart from
mine. |
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Neither do I, but I'd like to. |
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It's true, a house with a sign in the window... ANY SIGN... is less likely to be burglarized than a house without a sign in the window. I suspect burglars are deathly afraid of reading. |
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As to the furniture, Definitely! You should train them folding chairs to attack, or at least set them near the windows. They make a terrible racket. |
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On the basis that the best form of defence is attack (? Napoleon ?), why not enlist the use of an ideal covert system such as furniture? I'm thinking of anaesthetic / sedative-dart launchers in chair arms, HV Stun supply to metallic items (e.g Kitchen chairs or Bar stools), pepper spray dispensers behind eye-level devices (kitchen cabinets, cooker hoods), nylon trip-wires at the bottom of stairs (reduces risk of serious injury) and suchlike. |
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Alternatively use piezo "sound-bombs" placed inside / under furniture to disorientate / disable any intruder. |
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Also alternatively - an "on the CHEEP" option would simply to invest in three Sun Conures - those who know, know just what I mean! |
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