h a l f b a k e r yI think, therefore I am thinking.
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But only a few days left. Here's one attempt:
There once was a temperate planet
And sentient species upon it
But one winter day
It all went away
The Mayans, they wrote it in granite
[marked-for-apocalyptic destruction]
Unsurpassable apocalyrics.
http://www.youtube....watch?v=TIoBrob3bjI
[MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 16 2012]
FAQs about 2012
http://www.famsi.or...stone/2012/faq.html
2012 Phemomenon: Blatently idiotic misrepresentation of the Mayan calendar by New Agers [spidermother, Dec 17 2012]
Mayan Limerick
http://petenali.hub...merick-just-because
[xandram, Dec 17 2012]
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Annotation:
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If the Mayans had been so great at seeing things
coming, we'd still have Mayans. |
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And this year's award for Wilful Abuse of Scansion
goes to... |
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//If the Mayans had been so great at seeing things
coming, we'd still have Mayans.// |
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Damn you for pointing that out when I only have less
than a week to smugly repeat it. |
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This end of the world, for the Maya
Did not guarantee a Messiah
Though Quatzequatel
Hey, pass me the bottle
Will bring his own brimstone and fire
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"There is nothing in the Maya or Aztec or ancient Mesoamerican prophecy to suggest that they prophesied a sudden or major change of any sort in 2012. The notion of a "Great Cycle" coming to an end is completely a modern invention." (Link) |
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There once was a man from Nantucket
Who said "12-21-12? Oh, f___ it!"
"There is nothing to fear,
they say this every year,
Nothing's going to hap............ |
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There once was a planet in space
it was inhabited by a smart race
they numbered each day
until they all went away
that planets know numbers there's no trace. |
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There once was a calendar mason
Who chiseled away while free basin'
And one day, on the cliff
He inscribed the wrong glyph
Thus the end of the world he did hasten
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That's the closest yet to a viable limerick. |
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The end of the world was predicted
And our life spans unfairly restricted.
It was blamed on the Mayans,
Those Mexican scions,
Who wanted the Spanish evicted.
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Er... that would be the Aztecs. |
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//If the Mayans had been so great at seeing things coming, we'd still have Mayans.//
Plenty of Mayans still. Go there and they will sell you trinkets, in my case a tie dye tee shirt with a image of Bob Marley tokin' a huge one. |
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There once was a group of halfbakers
Philosophers, sinners and fakers
They assure that the end
Though the Mayans portend
Will come not from fire, but through makers
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//Er... that would be the Aztecs//
Not only but also. |
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The end of the thirteenth baktun
Is believed by many a loon
To signify
The day we all die
A fear to which I feel immune |
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(With thanks to rhyme zone online rhyming
dictionary for help with the last line) |
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There was a tribe on the Yucatan,
stone carvers no one's better than.
They ended the calendar
on Year Salamander,
survive it the fuck you can. |
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Since we're talking about a pretty specific event,
shouldn't it be 'thepocalypse' ? |
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Also, rather than a limerick, should we not be
concentrating on apolcalypsos? |
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Land of Maya, the nights are gay-a,
The blood flows daily on the temple top... |
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It seems the Maya took pleasure in ripping
open the chests of their victims and tearing
out their still-beating hearts. |
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Some sort of ex-wives club, clearly. |
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Somewhere I saw a haiku, along the lines of |
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The world has just ended
We are here still
Let's party! |
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An ode to the Mayan ex-wife
So good with the ax and the knife
She'll carve out your heart
She considers it art
And not really taking your life
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Ooh. Better ending line for mine. |
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I can't guess what they'll say in June. |
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An ancient race from Yucatan,
Has predicted the ending of Man,
So don't hesitate
And before it's too late,
Get down to the pub while you can.
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He was feathered and scaled, no mere man
He was more like a god, Kukulcan
No, he was no mere mortal
This Quetzalcoatl
We shall soon know his ultimate plan
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[bigs], you're channeling William Topaz McGonagall again … … |
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My bad. I had thought the Mayans were all dead by
the time the Spanish set shore. |
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There once was an unemployed prophet
Who peddled cheap futures for profit
A true ignoramus
He's no Nostradamus
But the Mayans, they made him like Buffett
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When an apocalypse is nigh,
And large rocks fall from the sky,
Take your collective heads,
Put them between your legs,
And kiss your asses goodbye. |
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Mayan
May end
number
calendar
pretend
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Add your own syllables limericks. |
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The Mayan god, old Quetzalcoatl,
had priests as smart as Aristotle,
who condemned the crock
that was carved on a rock,
"We won't believe, but a lot'll." |
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[bb], a lot'll like your limeric too. |
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Final one from me, I promise
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The pyramids of Chichen Itza
Compete with the desert of Giza
But the end didn't come
And so now, my dear chum
They are peddling nachos and pizza
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[bigsleep], I'd like to officially license "The End Of
Dais' " as a title :) |
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