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There are two main problems with toilets and men who want to stand up when they void: toilets are too low and there is messy splashing, and there is the seat issue - men raise it so as not to sprinkle on it but then leave it up, leading to matrimonial discord.
The solution: an accordion like sleeve
connecting the underside of the seat with the top rim of the toilet. This sleeve would be made of something like dryer vent hose. When the lid is down, the sleeve in compressed unobtrusively underneath, between lid and bowl. When the lid is raised, the sleeve extends up. There is a hole placed in the forward edge, converting the toilet into a defacto (where have I read that defacto word today???) urinal. The target is much closer and so aim plays less of a role. All splashing and stray drops will be contained within the sleeve and run down into the bowl. Finally, there is no risk of confusion by women looking to sit in the middle of the night: the profile of the toilet with sleeve deployed is much different, and if an effort is made to sit, contact with the sleeve is early and not unpleasant.
I considered various ways to clean the sleeve interior - possibly the flush could be made to rinse it out, but this would require custom toilets. The beauty of the sleeve is that it can be cheaply added on to extant toilets. Probably it should just be chucked in the wash.
Final bonus: play Lady Of Spain by rapidly lifting and lowering toilet seat.
Glowing toilet seat
http://www.kiss-textil.de/galactikaen.htm
[spacemoggy, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]
For those who have apparently never seen a dryer hose
https://www.google....dryer+hose&tbm=isch
Note in the pictures how the hose is longitudinally collapsible. Imagine this kind of hose, but as wide as a toilet bowl, and only a couple of feet long when extended. Mentally attach one end to the rim of the toilet bowl and the other end to the underside of the seat. [notexactly, Sep 16 2019]
[link]
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//where have I read that defacto word today???//
One halfbaker's nic is defacto.
Are you describing a dryer vent hose which extends to the Point Of Release? |
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Indeed, I'm with bliss on this one. + |
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And when the accordion sleeve contracts and puts the seat down, you'll get a warm breeze to dry your hands. |
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Do you have to stick your hand in the toilet to pull it up? The invention would have to be very simple to be disposable, and I'd rather piss carefully than wash it. |
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I'm not sure how simple it could be whilst still rising and falling and staying rigidly in place when erect. Because I really don't want it tipping over my shoes or leaking where it meets the lavatory bowl. |
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A set of interlocking collapsible tubes could be placed inside the accordion rings (easier to imagine than describe) at the front, back, and sides, to lend it some extra rigidity. I'm thinking of those collapsible camp cups for inspiration. |
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Can someone explain to me why women don't just switch the light on when they use the toilet at night? Ooh, that gives me an idea. |
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Quick google search later: damn, it's thoroughly baked. See link. |
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that would be a bitch to clean.. |
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// Mentally attach one end to the rim of the toilet bowl and the other end to the underside of the seat. // |
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Clearly, you have formidable psychokinetic powers, [not]; we hope you can be persuaded to Turn to the Dark Side. |
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For those lacking the undoubtedly useful ability to Give In To Their Hate, and incidentally effect arobust, permanent juncture between two dissimilar materials merely by the power of thought, some sort of adhesive, or possibly a very large, thin Jubilee clip, would be a more consistently effective approach. |
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