Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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pet Helen

 for all your blinking needs
  (+5, -9)
(+5, -9) 		  [vote for,
against]

Helen is a sweet, misunderstood lass from the Valleys (Wales, not California, although the similarities are striking). This special three-foot-tall breed of Helen will bring a ray of sunshine to every moment of your day. She will dance around your living room, high-kicking and bottom-wiggling in a truly post-feminist manner. She will tend your barbeque, but leave it unattended to go show off her pretty dress to you. You can't fail to be besotted by little Helen. She can soliloquise at length on the joys of blinking, chickpeas and Jack Daniels. She is the 21st century manifestation of Cliff Richard's "crying, talking sleeping, walking, living doll". Give a home to a Helen today.



[later, after [jutta]'s annotation: This may not mean a lot to anyone who didn't see UK Big Brother, so I apologise. But it's a genuine halfbaked idea - I'd love a miniature Helen running round my house making me giggle, cringe and want to go out and buy sparkly pink things.]
—lewisgirl, Aug 02 2001

[link]






       [Thanks for the background.]
—jutta, Aug 02 2001
   

       I didnt watch Big Brother - that would be absurd - but this idea sounds pretty cool. However, she`d need to be at least 5 foot 4. Any less and i`d get back ache (no, i`m not being rude). If she was taller, she could do all you suggest and more - certainly there`d be more real estate for sparkly pink things. She`d also be more practical, when it came to reaching up and fixing high things, like lights. Or getting things from tall cupboards.
—Pallex, Aug 02 2001
   

       steady on, old chap! She's only just learned how to make porridge!
—lewisgirl, Aug 02 2001
   

       I will never understand. But I agree that Wales is exceptionally like to California, especially in that both places have...uh, both places are...well, they both...No, never mind.
—Dog Ed, Aug 02 2001
   

       they just -both-
—technobadger, Aug 02 2001
   

       I HATE BIG BROTHER!!! (rant) Well as for wanting a mini Helen I guess you should buy a monkey.
—Monkeyboy2, Aug 03 2001
   

       //You're talking about a fairy, aren't you?//   

       No, that was Brian.   

       Actually, there's an idea. You wouldn't want your pet Helen to get lonely when you're out at work, so maybe you'd want to get a pet Brian to keep her company.
—Guy Fox, Aug 03 2001
   

       NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

       Every single person from Big Brother should sink back into the nothing that they deserve.
—CoolerKing, Aug 03 2001
   

       You're rebelling against your student instinct, CK. Give in. Your struggles are futile. (How about a pet Davina?)
—lewisgirl, Aug 03 2001
   

       What's worse is the site won't let me give this fishbones!   

       But my student instincts tell me to watch all the shows I watched as a kid - 'A-Team', 'Airwolf', even 'Knight Rider' sometimes. Now all I need is for a channel to start showing 'He-Man' and 'Dungeons & Dragons'. It says nothing about watching 10 people who don't really like each other spend 10 weeks of their life locked up together.
—CoolerKing, Aug 03 2001
   

       you need cable.
—lewisgirl, Aug 03 2001
   

       My student instincts tell me to watch my Alan Partridge videos repeatedly. And MTV clones like PlayUK.
—-alx, Aug 03 2001
   

       I'm working now so I can invest in the wonder that is Sky Digital.   

       And so I can afford to clone Narinder and Amma and use them to irritate everyone into letting me take over the world. (I'll just so happen to run a former-Big-Brother-entrant extermination service. While I'm at it I might as well clone the Brummy woman from the first one. She coud irritate for Great Britain)
—CoolerKing, Aug 03 2001
   

       There's already a clone of that Brummie one from the first one. I'm sure she drives the number 62 bus up the Bristol Road.
—lewisgirl, Aug 03 2001
   

       I love Helen (in much the same way as I have/had strong feelings for the Flumps, inflatable plastic furniture and Daphne & Celeste), but I can't help thinking that in a few months you'll probably be able to hire the real thing for 50p a day.
—pottedstu, Sep 24 2001
   

       You might not find it as appealing as the real thing, [lg], but Helen's releasing a 'dance fitness video', so you can enjoy her in yr own home. Kinda.
—-alx, Dec 20 2001
   

       Fishbone because it's not Helen Hunt.
—phoenix, Dec 20 2001
   

       "It's amazing how England looks nothing like Southern California." -Austin Powers
—ye_river_xiv, Jul 01 2006
   
      
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