h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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This is is for additions to a telephone hold-music system such that the cool cocktail-bar tinkly piano music doesn't abruptly cut off when you get through but instead concludes with a short AI-generated piano flourish, a ripple of polite applause, and a mumbled "thangyouverramuch"
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This could easily be implemented with a large building with many many small soundproofed booths, each containing a piano and a cocktail bar pianist. When a caller rings, the switchboard puts them through ton one of the room mics and the "on air" light lights up. The pianist starts playing. etc. |
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"...an' here's a special message for all of you out there - you're now 4th in the queue - thank you..." |
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Telephones are relatively small... |
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We'll need at least an eight inch pianist. |
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[hippo] How impatient people protest outrageously! A little time on the wire is no big deal? I hate them all. |
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The virtual assistant says:
“Just tell me in a few words what you would like to do.”
“I’ll get someone to help you with that.”
“Please wait for the next available rep.” |
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They really mean:
“Just sit there and stew, you loser.”
“No one is coming.”
“If you call back you will be added to the blacklist.”
“Wanna hear this again, faster?”
“Here’s that 404 again. Bwa-ha-ha.” |
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Piano flourishes would be nice. |
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Oh, I'd appreciate it if whoever answers shared my listening experience. |
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[Thank you for calling Huge-&-Impersonal. How may I offer you quality service today?} |
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Me: Thank you, yes, I do have a question. |
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//We'll need at least an eight inch pianist// |
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Be careful what you wish for... |
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Why not go full piano bar dramatic tragedy, with flourishes between every voice update, e.g. "You...flourish, flourish...light up...triple flourish with back flip...my life..."? |
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