h a l f b a k e r yYou gonna finish that?
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It seems curious that, as technology advances and we all go from 3G to 4G and then 5G mobile phones, we are happy to pay for more powerful, better and faster communications, but the loons who believe that radio waves cause cancer or allow the government to control your mind see no need to upgrade their
(essentially 1950's technology) tinfoil hats.
Thus, this idea is to sell very much more expensive tinfoil hats, which will come with a guarantee that they provide the same level of protection against cancer and government snooping from 5G communications as regular tinfoil hats do for 3G and 4G communications.
EMF-protecting crystals
https://www.healing...ction-crystals.html
I don't know whether to laugh or be angry [Frankx, Oct 11 2019]
What about the gut-brain?
https://www.scienti...al-systems-excerpt/
what about that? [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 11 2019]
Baked
https://www.dropbox...W-Wp0L6eTvsOvUZP0Za
[doctorremulac3, Oct 11 2019]
Metal Hat
https://www.google....grc=g3UJar4U5hDTGM:
Another prototype [Frankx, Oct 12 2019]
Gold Fedora tinfoil hat. Expensive too.
https://www.google....HeXUASMQvhd6BAgBEE4
My birthday is rapidly approaching, you know. [blissmiss, Oct 13 2019]
[link]
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are you talking about extra layers, thicker foil, a lead base or something more fashionable that you could wear to ladies' day at Epsom? |
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that link is annoying [Frankx] |
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More deserving of pity than condemnation. |
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We agree that there really ought to be an upgrade available by now, given the advances in materials science; graphene foil hat ... ? |
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If you're into "crystal healing" then the most effective crystals are (completely coincidentally!) also the most rare and expensive. Not much is said about the crystal healing properties of salt, for example, and ruby and sapphire are "better" crystals than corundum, despite them all being Al2O3. In the same way, this new, more effective tinfoil hat will be the same as the old tinfoil hat, but more expensive. |
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What people don't appreciate is that the moon's gravity
influences the electromagnetic waves. Accordingly, you need
at least six subtly different tinfoil hats, depending on the
phase of the moon. |
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I think gold-coloured aluminium will suffice. In
advertisements, the word "gold" can be interpreted as
meaning "gold in colour" rather than "made of gold", so I
think we're safe there. |
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It's also worth pointing out that the effectiveness of an anti-
electromagnetic hat increases markedly over time, as its
orbital resonances come into tune with the wearer's
chakras, assisting the protection by means of destructive
interference. For this reason, we recommend that each
family member has their own dedicated set of hats, rather
than simply purchasing one set to be used by all members of
the family on an ad hoc basis. |
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I think you'd do better to go the other way.. It's also worth
pointing out that the effectiveness of an anti- electromagnetic
hat decreases markedly over time, as its damaged by incoming
probes, much like a crash hat after any sustained attack on it's
integrity it needs replacing with a new one. |
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Which also opens up a companion market for lead tinfoil hat
boxes to store spare ones in so they don't get damaged
just sitting on the shelf. |
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Hang on, let me just see if there's a vacancy in out marketing
team. |
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We presume you are going to clean that properly this time ? |
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Unless you prefer (we certainly do) to let one of your gamekeepers do it. They do a professional job; no boiled sweets left jammed in the barrel, no used AAA batteries wedged in the magazine, no marmalade shreds in the recoil spring ... |
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I think we might be missing out on the bigger picture here.
What about the brain in our guts? Obviously the gut-brain can be just as affected EMF as the head-brain and so full on jump suits will be required... with specialty dry cleaning services. |
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We were considering that very issue. |
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Tinfoil hats are clearly intended to reflect incident electromagnetic radiation; but it's likely that they can actually absorb stuff - charged particles, evil thoughts, bad karma etc. - while in service and this presumably needs to be "cleansed" periodically to prevent the device becoming saturated (like a blocked filter). |
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We forsee this service involving a ritual or ceremony with much chanting, incense, candles, and of course a swingeing fee ... |
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perhaps a nice coat of flenting wax would be appropriate to stave off rust. |
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All this paraphanalia is distraction from the real issue which is undirected attention. If you would only send £100 a month into my account my new Directed Attention Service will direct sufficient attention to you at all times, to successfully counter the ill effects of all mystical and undetectable influences. £500 per month will increase your cover to direct twice the amount of attention. |
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This service is exclusive to me. Do not be misled by others claiming to offer the same benefits - they are in collusion with Them and their services will make you more vulnerable. Only my original offer guarantees complete coverage. |
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//a nice coat of flenting wax would be appropriate // there
are so many situations in which that is very true. Even when
Sturton wants to... but perhaps we'd best not go there. |
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Well no, not a second time. It's his fault you all got permanently barred from the place. |
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It's the lap-dancer we felt sorry for. OK, so she wasn't hurt, and in that line if work you have to have a fairly robust attitude to life, but even so, there are limits. |
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We spoke to her afterwards and she was startled rather than frightened - actually, a very nice young lady. She was only doing it to help pay her university fees, too. A normal person would be ashamed, or at least pay something towards having the mess cleaned up, but being a Buchanan such things never enter what he presumably refers to as his mind. |
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//what he presumably refers to as his mind// Sturton actually
had himself declared brain-dead by a neurologist who owed
him a favour. It's a surprisingly versatile defence. |
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Aren’t these hats subject to neutrino degradation
over time? |
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[po]'s right. Any fashionable head adornment could be gilded for a lined price. |
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Presumably we should come up with s version that
protects people from gravity waves too. Now that
those have been invented. Overall, this looks like a
highly diverse an growing market. |
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I want to encase my head in superconductor so it
expels the magnetic fields. |
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We got your liquid nitrogen hat right here ... |
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I'll have a golden fedora, por favor. |
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