massive flat pack hysteria prevention service

spend some time outside any store that sells its products in flat-pack form, you will invariably happen upon the poor unfortunate that has purchased an item that is just too large for his car (its usually a man)

desperation sets in as our hapless victim tries this way and that to slot the package into his boot ( trunk ), firstly the contents of the boot are emptied onto the pavement (this in itself is quite enlightening – the rubbish some people cart around with them on a permanent basis is astonishing, she says with a straight face).

next comes the alternative “bundle it into the back part of the car” trick. this too is doomed to failure – as sod’s law deems that what will not fit in the boot is not going to fit in the back of the car either even though different dimensions of your purchase are involved in the equation.

the next option is to remove the mother-in-law/dog/relative from the backseat, drop down the back and try to fit it in that way. there is almost always a whole set of relations accompanying this doomed trip for the following reasons: the discomfiture of the experience is made worse by the knowledge that the sorry details will henceforth be passed on to the whole extended family with huge hilarity, its always the case that there are people on hand to offer advice and someone to curse at is obligatory.

since the flatpack refuses to be packed into the space made available, the next step is to disassemble the whole thing into its smaller component parts and fit them into the car one at a time. the logic of this is faulty; the truth of which suddenly dawns on our hero, amid a ton of packaging blowing about in the breeze, because the long bits are still as long and the fat bits are still as fat. you just can’t get a quart into a pint pot.

what’s to be done? well this is usually resolved by driving home with the tailend of the car open or half closed and fastened with granny’s scarf…

what is required is a service that provides the necessary help on receipt of a brief phone call. after a short wait, assistance would be on hand in the form of either a man and a van, a man with a roof rack or a baby elephant in extreme cases