h a l f b a k e r yNeural Knotwork
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When one commuting cyclist overtakes another on the
road, a covert glance passes between them in which they
size each other up, gauging such variables as age and
gender, and a host of factors relating to how fancy the
other's bicycle is. This judgement is used to assess
whether it is a 'worthy'
overtake, demonstrating your
physical prowess, or whether it is nothing to be proud of.
This idea then is to fit one's bicycle with
something that looks like a bulky child-seat with a heavy
toddler in, but which is in fact a super-realistic carbon
fibre shell, weighing only a couple of hundred grams.
Then, when you effortlessly glide past your lycra-clad
opponent on a steep uphill incline, they will feel suitably
crushed.
Annual_20child_20lacquering
[calum, Jun 28 2019]
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Annotation:
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"...but which is in fact a super-realistic carbon fibre
shell..."
...containing batteries for your concealed motor. |
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<psst - [hippo] - typo in title> |
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That's not a typo.... It's a speedy light eight,
meaning it doesn't have the 'w' to slow it down. |
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// your concealed motor. // |
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Now, that clears up a mystery; [hippo] is operated by a concealed motor - animatronics - rather than the arm-up-the-posterior muppet-type operation which seemed the previous most likely explanation. |
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Some of the energy could also be used by a hub motor fitted to the bicycle. |
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oops - typo now untypofied |
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Aghhhh it was more fun without the 'w'. W's should get a day off every now and again. |
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You don't need an expensive carbon fibre child, just use the
shell from some earlier lacquering of the child. This will
preserve the familial likeness and so enhance verisimilitude. |
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Actually, it's now possible to have your (preferably deceased)
pets freeze-dried in lifelike poses. Should work for children. |
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[calum] and [MB] have suggested a further improvement. |
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Take an existing child and remove the operating mechanism, leaving just the skin. Treat this with a flexible polymer compound. |
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The unit can then be attached to the "child seat" in a deflated state; when wishing to impress other riders, a pushbutton activates a small air pump which inflates the skin to normal size. |
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Once the overtake is complete, the pump reverses, deflating the skin until it is next required, and reducing air resistance. |
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Children are plentiful, cheap, and easy to produce, so this seems by far the most cost -effective solution. |
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Note that the carbon-fibre moulding techniques can also be employed to produce a super-lightweight facsimile of a large sack of onions, to complement the
beret-resembling bicycle helmet you're wearing and your stripy t-shirt. |
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//it's now possible to have your (preferably deceased) pets freeze-dried in lifelike poses// |
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Am I the only one who finds this horrific? |
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<Decides that [Voice], freeze-dried in a lifelike pose, would look quite good over in that corner between the Brough Superior and the cutaway Wright Twin Wasp/> |
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Cue audio of [8th] giving birth. |
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