h a l f b a k e r yProfessional croissant on closed course. Do not attempt.
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marching is not a very good all round exercise in my opinion, and pretty boring too <yawn>. assault courses? well I can see the need for these but there is a need for a complete, full and daily exercise to keep our lads fit and for their every muscle and sinew to be working to the peak of perfection.
what they need to do is dance. (don’t tell anyone but I believe the SAS have this baked already)
they will pull on their tights and begin at the bar for some nice warm-up leg exercises. “mind where you kick up those feet, lads” “not that bar, laddie”
as we have discussed elsewhere, ballet is probably the most disciplined and athletic form of dance, so get ‘em to do some of that. singly, in pairs and as a troupe – teamwork skills are good.
an army marches on its stomach, so it is said but it also requires a means of transportation and so, a short burst of ‘doing the Locomotion’ will get that sorted. not sure how this works but something similar to a conga routine in and out of the army mess huts.
the strategists (and this is where [8th] might come in handy) are the choreographers of the military world. they can provide us with some modern dance moves.
it takes two to Tango, so guys, take your partners for the next dance. those Argentinian dudes sure know how to fling themselves about to this one, seeing as they invented it. the rhythm came from the music of their saloon bars and characterised by an unusual staccato accent on each beat. that seems suitably warlike – so its added to the routine.
you have to be pretty foxy in wartime, so the Foxtrot is next, a dance born in the nineteen twenties & named after an American performer Harry Fox. it was danced at 48 bars per minute tempo – hey man, that sounds like some pace.
o.k. lets slow the pace for a moment and try a Cha-Cha, originally known as the Cha-Cha-Cha. the dance consists of three quick steps (triple step or cha cha cha) and two slower steps on the one beat and two beat. so that’s the obligatory marching taking care of.
we need to get those fingers worked out and liven up those sluggish wrists with a little ‘Hand Jiving’; this one is, oh so necessary, for gun/rifle action. (hand jiving was what one did when completely jigged out; my grandmother showed me the moves once. something like a close up magic practitioner, making various passes and movements in time to the music)
finally we save the Waltz for last, to gently unwind. (when the Waltz was introduced into England during the early 19th century it scandalized society but we are not so easily shocked these days) so its 1,2,3 – 1,2,3 – 1,2,3….
alright boys, exercise over for the day, lets retire to the ‘other bar’ “who's shout?”
(?) The SAS Fan Dance
http://www.sortedsi...ecial/Selection.htm
...is actually a 4-hour march over the Brecons. [DrCurry, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
[link]
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Excellent. Many societies have war dances, and I think the British army is missing out. The sword dance is traditional in Scotland, so something similar with rifles could surely be worked out. And I can't imagine anything more terrifying than a regiment doing the dance to Agadoo as they stride into battle. |
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Can I borrow someone else's coissant? I used mine up. |
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Recommended dance - The Capoeira. (+) |
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Tapity-tap,tapity-tap,tap click! |
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he he, just pictured a whole platoon river dancing. |
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The thing that has made the British Army the best in Britain is it's complete inability to dance. As pottedstu' says, many societies have wardances which they have to humiliatingly demonstrate each year to visiting tourists from the UK, having been thoroughly conquered and assimilated. Once you start recruiting soldiers who have got the imagination and ability to learn dance, you will shortly thereafter discover that they have also got the imagination and ability to picture themselves being disembowelled by heavy mortar fire. At which point, the army's will to charge recklessly across open ground into the teeth of enemy machine-gun fire will completely disappear and they will start to demand, just like the Americans, that they don't get any closer to the enemy than 40,000 feet up in the air. No, no. The fine tradition of employing the uneducated, uncultured and unimaginative dregs of society to fight wars on behalf of untrustworthy and unscrupulous politicians must be allowed to continue at all costs. Otherwise, how is our arms industry going to make a profit? |
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did I say anywhere that they had to be any good at it? |
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The thought of a company of infantry mincing menacingly across open moorland in an extended skirmish line, trailed by the Close Support team carrying a ghetto blaster and spare battery packs, has caused uncontrolable diaphragmic convulsions resuting in coffee coming down my nose, which is really a quite horrible sensation. |
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// Otherwise, how is our arms industry going to make a profit? // |
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By doing what it always does - selling overpriced and not-terribly-efficient weapons to all our potential enemies, without fear or favour. |
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The air above the battlefield would be filled with autonomous mirror-ball drones illuminated by laser designators synched to the music. |
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8th's anno has just reminded me of Monty Python's 'Camp Square Bashing' sketch, two, three, four. |
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Knock, knock
Who’s there?
An autonomous, music-synced laser mirror-ball drone-launched Hellfire missile.
Saddam, I think it’s for you! |
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Oh yes po, very pastry! I would like front seats to Parade day please.. a Butter Laden Croissant for you! |
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This would lead to a new line of weaponry, the ballet-pump-seeking missile, the anti-mirrorball grenade, the fandango detector... |
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// Otherwise, how is our arms industry going to make a profit? // |
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"The fine tradition of employing the uneducated, uncultured and unimaginative dregs of society to fight wars" |
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I find that generalisation highly offensive, DrBob. |
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/on behalf of untrustworthy and unscrupulous politicians// |
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I find that offensive very general, DrBob. |
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And now the Army Catering Corps will demonstrate the Mash Potato.
egbert, it's just a truism. |
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// untrustworthy and unscrupulous politicians // |
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This is blatant tautology. Referring to "untrustworthy and unscrupulous politicians" implies that somewhere there exist politicians that are trustworthy and/or scrupulous. |
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30 - 15, new balls please. |
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There are, just not for long. |
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Qu'est que-ce "squaddies"? |
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Privates in the British Army. I expect someone like 8th can entymologise, when he's finished talking balls. |
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The functional group adopted during Basic Training in the British Armed Forces is a "Squad" (abbr. presumably from 'squadron' in the distant past). The process is commonly referred to as "square bashing" - essentially the process of marching round the (square or rectangular) parade ground to the accompaniment of much crashing of boots, rifle butts, and yelling by assorted NCOs.
Recruits who fail to sucessfully complete Basic Training can be "back-squadded" i.e. forced to repeat the whole process again.
The survivors of this process then move on to more specialised training in a chosen skill or competence. |
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"Squaddie" refers to a recruit who is undergoing or has just completed Basic Training, but the use of the term "squaddies" to refer to (usually infantry) Other Ranks is (generally speaking)affectionate in nature, i.e. "The Lads". It can also be used in a derogatory sencs as in "For F***s sake you stupid, useless sack of S***, you're meant to be a Lieutentant, not some wet-behind-the-ears F****** squaddie, so smarten up and get your act together you useless C*** or I'll kick your A*** into the middle of next F****** week !", the same to be shouted directly into the ear of the offending (very) Junior Officer by a purple-faced RSM who's seen it all before. |
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[egbert] I thought you were my friend <sniffle>. |
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I kept the last dance for you, dahlink.welcome back |
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The Grand old Duke of York.
He had 10,000 men
He line danced them up to the top of the hill and he line danced them down again. |
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//...throw in a bit of line dancing...// Wouldn't that be frontline dancing [IVnick8or]? :) |
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Croissant for reminding me of "It ain't half hot mum". |
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