Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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cineplex jerk ejector

 acme-style theatre seating detects and ejects chatty cathys and cellphone charlies
  (+3, -2)
(+3, -2) 		  [vote for,
against]

You're just gotten to the last scene in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" when some jerk three rows over starts talking. Or beeping. Or playing with the velcro on his parachute pants. Do you fume silently? Hiss? Pistol whip him and risk getting that third strike your parole officer warned you about?

No. Just sit back and let the Cineplex Jerk Ejector do its work, as the powerful spring-loaded seat either propels the offender through the roof into nearby sewage treatment plant, or merely smashes him into the ceiling repeatedly.

An optional gag attachment could muffle the screams.

—politburo, Feb 24 2001

(?) Theater sniper http://www.halfbake...ea/Theater_20sniper
Doesn't have to be bullets, could also be tranqs. [centauri, Feb 24 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Sniper Perch for Modern Office Workspaces http://www.halfbake...Office_20Workspaces
And for you, UnaBubba. [centauri, Feb 24 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

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       i left the theater early crouching tiger...but i *do* like the idea. a nice big "ssshhh!" always works.
—reginagirl, Feb 24 2001
   

       Rant. Redundant rant at that...
—egnor, Feb 24 2001
   

       I think the only answer to this problem is mob justice.
—bartkusa, Feb 24 2001
   

       Don't some theaters have rules against the use of cell phones (just as many courtrooms do)? If not, they should. Perhaps a reminder could be shown on the screen before a movie begins; that's one advertisement on the big screen that many moviegoers would not mind seeing.
—JoeBader1, Aug 20 2001
   

       Issue the ushers water pistols ?   

       pslst.. pssst... pbtsst...   

       What they don't have ushers any more!
—popbottle, Feb 04 2017
   

       Did you not read "Fall of the House of Usher"?
—MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 05 2017
   

       Left the theater early during " Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon " ?   

       [reginagirl] was only here for a brief time. She joined up early in 2001, and during a brief ... period, posted one idea, annoed on this and one other idea.
—normzone, Feb 05 2017
   


 

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