h a l f b a k e r yGo ahead. Stick a fork in it.
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Going to the bathroom is often quite tedious. It is something we must do several times everyday, and yet it is always the same. Why not have a little fun and make a show of it? There could be a tiny spotlight mounted about head level behind the toilet that could be angled to shine down right on our "little
guy" as he does his business (I realized this only really works for guys. I'm open to suggestions as to how something similar could work with women). Also, when you turn this spotlight on, all the other lights in the bathroom automatically turn off and some showtune or favorite movie soundtrack pops on an installed stereo system. While going to the bathroom, you could imagine a huge crowd stretching before you in the darkness, all eyes on the spot-lighted "star of the show." There could also be a little clapping effect once you were done. I imagine people with the expense to do so could install elaborate curtains just in front of the toilet that trigger an announcer when you slide through them: "And here he is, the star of the show, Mr. [insert its name here]!" Going to the bathroom will never be a dull experience again.
HB: "Todger Torch"
Todger_20Torch
[DenholmRickshaw]'s approach. [bristolz, Feb 05 2005]
Esther Williams
http://www.classicm...millionmermaid.html
[robinism, Feb 07 2005]
I Smell Esther Williams
http://www.betweent...isplay.php?id=47397
Anagrams: as I'll swim there and I smell waterish [jaksplat, Feb 07 2005]
[link]
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Hmm... reminds me of enthusiastic parents applauding and
praising while toilet training their child. Freud would find
this very interesting.... :-b |
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But I have to agree with Peter. |
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RodsT So what is a clap clinic? I don't like this idea as I suffer from shy bladder syndrome. Two pints of lager in, I go to the lav to do a quick impression of the London Fire Service, bladder's aching, someone comes in and stands next to me, SHUT DOWN! My Hampton goes on strike! Last thing I need is lights and an orchestra. |
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Although you would now have a chorus line. |
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I sense a reality program here just waiting to be broadcast. |
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...and the dept of Homeland Security logging any repeated requests for Bette Midler routines from stall three. |
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Definitely a urinal only type thing, for stand up comedians or ventriloquists. |
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I suggested a POV urinal drain shot for a film we worked on once. It didn't have to show the BMW in the shot just him approaching, flying and flipping a blur but we didn't have time to track down a urinal to modify it. Big Mexican Weiner. |
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I have a more spectacular alternative.
Has anyone seen water used as a light-
pipe? So, just have a small powerful
light-source in your loo (maybe one of
those blue LEDs) and aim right at it.
When you're spot on, you will have the
mystical and disconcerting experience
of a shaft of light arcing majestically
from the loo to the end of your willy.
Hours of fun. |
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I have an even more spectacular alternative. Have 5 friends come over, and swim on your backs in a circle, and all pee in unison to create a water-ballet-fountain effect, while Esther Williams does a swan dive into the center of the circle. |
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Robinism - I had considered that, but I
don't have a pool. Or five friends, come
to think of it. |
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Just one friend, and two mirrors? |
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I'm still laughing about the BMW in my POV. |
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Robinism - Not a bad alternative.
However, I can't work out how to place
the mirrors so that (a) I get the full
visual experience (b) I don't get
splashback off the mirrors and (c)
Esther Williams can dive in without
trisecting herself on the edges of the
mirrors. And now that I think of it, who
*is* Esther Williams? And the lack of a
pool is still a handicap. No, it's back to
my light-pipe scheme for me. It would
give a sort of perverted-light-sabre
effect, I think. <resists temptation to
say 'may the foreskin be with you'> |
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I thought you'd never ask! Esther Williams was a swimming champ turned movie star. See link for a picture. |
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About the light saber - You could have a cluster of lights, so that even if your aim wasn't perfect, you could still get some light. Maybe the center light could be bright white, then a ring of yellow lights, then green, with an outer ring of blue. |
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Regarding shy bladder - this might, in fact, be good for
therapy to overcome such a problem. |
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Incidentally, I always thought that shy bladder syndrome
was a throwback from the days of cavemen, when
standing around with your genitals exposed was never a
good thing with all those sabre-toothed tigers and
pterodactyls around. |
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Robinism - concentric targets would
indeed be a good idea. Incidentally, I
wonder if a sufficiently powerful beam
would actually make your entire bladder
glow eerily beneath your skin....
And re. Esther Williams...she looks
much to wholesome to get involved
with this kind of shenanigins... |
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References to spaceballs abound... |
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Fun! Women could have something mounted in the bowl. Make 'em look like their telling ghost stories. [+] |
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Turn on your crotch light
Let it shine whenever you go
Let it make a happy glow
Everytime you pee |
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After using this for several years, you become a genuine performer and realise that you now have a Pavlovian reaction to stagelights and show music. |
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[+] "Pardon me while I whip this out..." |
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Have a motion sensor, camera, and a monitor. Have a 5 sec intro and let people talk. Record their conversations as they pee and have a website that randomly displays the results. |
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