h a l f b a k e r yNumber one on the no-fly list
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Wouldn't need any instructions for use. We're all born with
the innate feeling that pushing this button more will give
us better results, so match the mechanism to the
perception.
[link]
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I thought they all worked like this? |
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Just give the control unit a prod with your Sonic Screwdriver ... |
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In the same spirit as the "close doors" button in elevators, and likely doomed to the same fate. |
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Actually, about 30% of new elevators (specifically,
those for which the controller is supplied by
Schindler Lifts - I kid you not) do exactly this.
They
respond to rapid multiple pressing of the floor-
selection buttons (not the close-door button,
strangely) by closing the doors sooner. This was
done to prolong the life of the buttons, because
people pummel them regardless, and closing the
doors makes them stop it. |
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They (both Schindler's lifts and most others
installed in Europe
and the US) will also respond to a "tap-tap, tap-
tap-tap, tap-
tap-tap" pattern by closing the doors immediately
(barring
obstructions) and going directly to the selected
floor without
stopping; this is for emergency teams (medics,
police,
whatever) who do not have (or have time to find
and use) the
emergency key. If you have ever impatiently
pounded the button and had your wish granted,
it's because you fortuitously hit this pattern. |
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This is either a) true or b) Max having a laugh in knowing at least some people are going to now start wildly hammering elevator floor buttons thinking it will get the doors to close faster. The Schindler Lifts part would enhance the gag when the hapless dupe explained to everybody in the elevator that if it's a "Shindler Lifts" elevator the doors should close faster. |
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Nervous elevator passenger: "You mean like Shindler's List the movie?" |
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Hapless dupe: (taptaptaptap) "No, it's an elevator company, Shindler Lifts. For real, I read it on the internet. They make elevator buttons that let you decide when the door closes by how many times you bang on it. What floor do you want?" |
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Nervous elevator passenger: "Uhh, I'm getting off here thanks." |
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The Schindler's lifts part is true. As for the rest of [Max's]
story....? |
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//Schindler's lifts// I wonder if their lift music is provided by John Williams? |
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//Hapless dupe: (taptaptaptap) // |
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Well, you see, you've got it wrong there. It's tap-
tap, tap-tap-tap, tap-tap-tap (on any floor-select
button). 2-3-3. |
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Allegedly it's because (a) emergency codes differ
from country to country so there was no point
using "911" or "999" (which would be too many
taps, anyway) and/or: |
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(b) The designer who made the specs had three
children called Berta, Carl and Clara (the initial
letters of which are 2, 3 and 3 if you count A=1,
B=2 etc). |
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Obviously, if the designer had been American, it
would have been "shave and and a haircut". (The
same code is used in many American-made
elevators, though. In fact, in one of those rare
outbreaks of common sense, all lift manufacturers
who implement this feature use the same code.) |
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This works fine for areas where no cars ever appear or where high bodycounts are standard. |
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I don't see why, the light would turn red for the cars
before the "Walk" sign illuminated. Pushing the
button faster would just hasten the process. |
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As a kid, I used to think traffic lights had an inbuilt
"Jeff" backdoor, in that if emergency services
wanted to stop traffic immediately, they just had to
do SOS in Morse Code on the button. It worked for
me for about a week (I assume coincidentally) so I
was convinced and I've tried it ever since, albeit
with mixed results. |
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That and Max's post gives me an idea for an offshoot of this. Spread a rumor that you can change the speed of the light changing by some wierd combination of button pushes. |
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SOS might be good just as a final tribute to Morse code. |
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Just hook a strobe function to a laser pointer and aim it at the sensor. This, (the strobe not the laser), is how ambulances and fire-trucks make the signals change in their direction. Flashing your high-beams at a fast enough rate while driving will also work. |
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//SOS in Morse Code // I have read (a while ago)
that there is something like this for pedestrian
crosswalks, but I don't think it was "SOS". |
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OK, a quick Google reveals lots of articles, but they
have the flavour of urban myth about them. So,
this probably isn't baked for crosswalks, only for lifts
(elevators, if you must). |
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Heartbeats-adjusted crosswalk? |
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The system that works to get you across the street faster
(almost every time*) is as follows: |
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A) Press the crosswalk button 3 times in rapid succession, |
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B) Within 15 seconds, dart across the road and press that
button twice. |
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C) Look up. You are now across the road much faster than
if you had
pressed the first button and crossed the road in the normal
manner.* |
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*except for those times when you don't make it at all. |
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My estimates suggest that, since my earlier
annotation, seven halfbakers will have tried the 2-3-
3 lift-button press and, of these, 2 and 1/3rd will
have been whisked directly to their chosen floor. |
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That paints a grisly picture. So you should wait till your completely inside before pushing the buttons I guess. |
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//whisked// from the Norse "ouissen" or "vissen",
meaning to [make something] hurry, rather than
//whisked// from the Gaelic "hisk", meaning to mix
or beat. |
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