h a l f b a k e r yKeep out of reach of children.
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A jolly Rogers-and-Hammerstein style romp for all the family, having a cast of millions, featuring a whole raft* of memorable sing-along numbers such as Pink Floyd belting out "We don't need no vaccination ..." and The Police reprising "Every breath you take", a socially-distanced chorus singing "You'll
always walk alone", "No way to stop it" and "My defences are down".
<Placeholder for other memorable sing-along numbers we haven't thought up yet, because we wanted to post this idea before anyone else did/>
Intended to be in even worse taste than "Springtime for Hitler". No depth will be left unplumbed in an attempt to make cruel, insensitive humour predicated on the sufferings of others.
All the performers wear surgical masks, which will save a fortune on makeup; everyone under 65 is prancing about quite happily, as they're all perfectly fit and well. In the background are beds with old folks on ventilators, and stacks of coffins.
A contrived, clumsy, unfunny and ultimately completely unsuccessful attempt will be made to introduce Jim Carry's character from "The Mask".
We reserve the right to plagiarise other bakers' annotations if they come up with good titles for songs, and post them here.
Any mention of "His Dark Archers" or " ... on Ice" will be dealt with by immediate violent, painful summary execution, followed by a fair trial under a rigorous legal process with the opportunity for the accused to defend themselves and present evidence.
This is not a call-for-list.
*The safest place to be; a raft, out at sea, with no-one else around. But you'll probably have to come back to land eventually ...
The safest place to be...
https://www.goodrea...6-black-tide-rising
...and if everyone escaped to the sea the cities'd be more safer. [whatrock, Sep 24 2020]
Not chemtrails, bacteriotrails.
https://en.wikipedi...a-Spray#cite_note-6
[bs0u0155, Sep 24 2020]
One Song To The Tune Of Another
https://en.wikipedi...the_Tune_of_Another
Complex and challenging [8th of 7, Sep 25 2020]
[link]
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// The safest place to be; a raft, out at sea... // |
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With a nod to Waterworld, background reading in <link>.
Doesn't seem to relate to your idea but I thot I'd post if here
anyway. |
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//The safest place to be// |
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Royston Vasey, too, might come into its own. |
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Porton Down used to test the dispersion of live BW agents on rafts off the scotch coast, and in the Bahamas ... |
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In Wuhan, where I was born,
Lived a bat who got the sniffs,
And he sneezed with all his might,
In a house of Pangolins.
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And so all were feeling green,
And they coughed and sneezed and hacked,
Fell in a traders pen,
In that Wuhan wet market.
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We all live in an Makeshift Quarantine,
Makeshift Quarantine, Makeshift Quarantine,
We all live in an Makeshift Quarantine,
Makeshift Quarantine, Makeshift Quarantine,
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I'm sure someone can do this justice. |
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Yes. You did read the bit about "fair trial", didn't you. |
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Do you want a last cigarette ? If you don't smoke, do you want a first cigarette ? |
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When I wake up, yeah I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who wakes six feet from you
When I sneak out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who get snitched on by you
And if I get drunk, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk on my own
And if I mask up, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's masking up with you
But I would keep one metre distant
And I would keep one metre more
To be the man who keeps two metres distant
To comply with the law
etc., etc... |
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//Porton Down used to test the dispersion of live BW agents
on rafts off the scotch coast, and in the Bahamas ..// |
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Or other out-of-the-way backwaters like Dorset, San
Francisco or one of the busiest east coast commuting
corridors <link>. |
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Thank's 8th, I'd rather the musical "work" receive the last
cigarette and firing squad than me - but I'm willing to face
the consequences of my actions. |
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//But I would keep one metre distant
And I would keep one metre more
To be the man who keeps two metres distant
To comply with the law// |
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Metric & decimal are a clunky mess when it comes to
lyrics. |
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"Then I'm walking in Memphis |
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Walking with my 0.3 metres 3.1 metres off of Beale |
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But do I really feel the way I feel?" |
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// But do I really feel the way I feel?" // |
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"Tired and feverish, with a persistent cough" ? |
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8th, it sounds rather depressing. Oh, that's right, it is. Wait
just a minute, this is a rerun. I've seen this before
somewhere. Hmmm, not sure where but I know I've seen this
before. |
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// it sounds rather depressing // |
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No, it's full of cheerful, upbeat songs that you can whistle, with proper tunes, colourful costumes, dancing ... you'll love it. You'll love it so much, you'll want to buy the DVD ... |
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It does seem vaguely familiar though, now you mention it ... could it be Daniel Defoe's "A Journal of the Plague Year: The Musical" by any chance ... ? |
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That's terrible! What kind of sadistic government would
release potentially dangerous microscopic thingies on its
own people? They're supposed to release said potentially
dangerous microscopic thingies on the people of other
countries [points insistently in three directions at once,
each most obviously somewhere far, far away]. |
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The same sort that releases actually dangerous radioisotopes on its own people. The sort the people voted into office to protect them... |
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On a company laptop
Hot drink in my hand
Warm smell of burnt toast
Coming up from downstairs
Up ahead on my desktop
I saw a pesky alert
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to dial in for a call
There she was on the Zoom-grid
I really felt unwell
And I said (but on mute)
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she went to the next slide
And it started to load
There were voices on the conference call
I thought I heard them say
"Welcome to home-working purgatory
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
...getting bored of this space
Plenty of room at home-working purgatory
Any time of year (Any time of year)
...and it's time for a beer"
etc., etc... |
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It would be helpful if those offering alternative lyrics ("One Song To The Tune Of Another" <link>) would provide a title or reference to the original composition. |
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Obvious, surely? - The Eagles: "Hotel California",
and The Proclaimers: "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)", not
necessarily in that order. |
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<Gratuitously offensive snobbery> |
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To those fully conversant with mere popular, contemporary "music", perhaps. |
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To those with a more sophisticated palate, and with a merely incidental acquaintance with the stuff the proles dote on, not so much. |
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</Gratuitously offensive snobbery> |
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Most unfair, as us proles have but one consciousness apiece
while the Borg have the memories and musical tastes of
thousands. |
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