h a l f b a k e r y"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
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Zombie Hat
Don't have the heart to kill the bastards? Just give them a hat! | |
Very simple, this idea. You know the donkey and the carrot? Well, how about the zombie and the brain. ...
Some people relish the fantasy of being able to drive around town on Zombie Night crashing into the mindless lumps until the car is used up, grabbing your chainsaw and slinging a few axes over
your shoulder before you make your final moves out of town to your hideout on foot in the dark.
Some don't, however. For these thin-blooded, rational types, I have this invention. These hats resemble big floppy derby hats with weights suspended around the brim, and three semi-circular poles coming off the top and hanging brains around the perimeter, a few feet in front of the wearer's face. In this way no matter how the hat is worn, the wearer should be able to see some brains.
The weight/floppy form serves to allow you to sort of frisbee throw the hat onto the wearer's head, nice and easy.. this way you don't risk an infection while applying the hat.
Once donned, the zombie will simply follow the piece of brain for hours, and so will his mates. If the brain is ever pulled off it's string, this sets off an exploding mechanism inside the hat itself where a light but deadly spike is lodged into the skull of the wearer.
I considered a full explosion method after the brain piece is pulled off. This way, once a few zombies are surrounding the hat guy and one pulls off his bait, they all get whacked in one fell swoop. If one were to use this model, then it should allow the explosion only after a short period of time after "application" in order that the customer doesn't blow him/herself up. Regardless, this model would be more dangerous to use.
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But where, I ask, would you get the brains? And if you're
going to throw something at a zombie, it might as well be an
axe. [+] anyway! |
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While I applaud the logic in a single Zombie scenario, I percieve a flaw when facing a pluarity of zombies. Under such conditions it seems likely,, as you imply, that the nonwearing zombies will be able to reach the brains.
Alternative approaches might include the use of Zombie holographic glasses, displaying an image to the wearer of a brain floating just out of reach. These to have flaws involving method of application, and also in that I am slightly unclear if a zombie would actually react to a holographic image. Anyway [+] for raising this important topic (from the dead?) |
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Brain obtainment does pose a problem. In the World War Z scenario, zombies want anything alive. Small wiggly live animals could be substitued. |
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This approach has a bit of the Tom Sawyer to it. One zombie alone could just be dispatched, even dispatched summarily. In the case of many zombies, one of them will take a bite of your calf while you try to negotiate your chinchilla-laden sombrero past the flailing arms of the tallest zombie. |
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Uuugh, that show is too stale for constant referencing, imho... then again, any show is. |
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The brains? Anywhere man. Morgues, perhaps. Also, stem cell-based organ growth labs that don't necessarily exist, yet. |
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A "zombie umbrella" may be in the works. This would be a sort of inside-out version of this idea, the user holding the umbrella with dangling brains, keeping a shell of interest always around her body but also at bay. |
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Re the idea of using brains as carrot, and also the idea of writing screenplays for the Syfy channel, I have pondered a giant zombie turnwheel where ranks of zombies in harnesses march slowly in circles and generate electricity for a Road Warrior style postapocalyptic walled village. The zombies would be attracted by a young person (or 2!) who would sit on a chair just out of reach, attractively clad, hugging and kissing, singing show tunes. |
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Excess electricity would be routed towards an electric zombie perimeter fence, which would generate spectacular bugzapper-style zombsplosions. As this teleplay concept is a hybrid between Road Warrior and Dawn of the Dead, the fence would also be effectively used against invading motorcycle pirates. Might as well make the motorcycle pirates cyborg mutants and the motorcycles nuclear. This is not an art form which values restraint. |
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Syfy, the above is just a teaser. My rates are low! |
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