h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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Glass wine bottles are a good way of storing and transporting an essential commodity. But their are disadvantages; they are fragile, heavy, and sadly limited in capacity.
Wine boxes are good but lack style.
What's missing from your life is BorgCo Wine By The Case.
Available now, the Wine Case
is an elegant, luxurious, beautifully crafted case with a substantial, comfortable carrying handle. Available in polished mahogany with brass inlay, red or black leather, sharkskin, burr walnut veneer or a range of custom finishes.
Have your chauffeur or footman convey your Wine Case to your local authorized BorgCo dealer, where the sterile plastic bag of wine - up to ten litres - is installed, and connected to the integral solid-silver valve and tap (silver is intrinsically bactericidal).
When your Case is returned, depending on the choice of red, white or rosé wine, you can plug the optional external warmer/chiller system which circulates a water/glycol mix to a network of fine metal pipes integrated into the case at a controllable temperature.
Get your butler to place a goblet beneath the spout and dispense a suitable quantity, then enjoy. No more annoying popping corks; no more waiting; no more alarming piles of clinking bottles outside the cockpit door before takeoff the next morning.
Not available in the shops.
Some standard keg sizes
https://www.kegwork...-to-beer-keg-sizes/
As implied by an annotation. [Vernon, Jun 12 2017]
The $400 juicer, which just holds a bag
https://www.theverg...omers-ceo-jeff-dunn
I recommend a different marketing approach than what they tried. [RayfordSteele, Jun 13 2017]
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You've been spying on me, haven't you, [8th]? |
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We've been watching you, certainly, but it hardy counts as "spying" when there are lots of other people at the party too. |
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Not our fault if you were too off your face on the Intercalary's Retsina-and-pyrethrin Margeritas to notice who's standing in front of you. |
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Standing? Can't have been one of my parties, then. |
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//the sterile plastic bag// Classy. |
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All plastic bags are sterile - it's the result of the parents (a male wicker basket and a female paper bag, or vice versa) having different numbers of chromosomes. |
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Somehow this does not seem that different than having naked ladies squirting mouthfuls of diet sprite from capacious genetically engineered silkworm cocoons into your mouth. |
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That's just gross, [beany] - DIET Sprite? |
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What's wrong with using industry-standard beer kegs to hold
a lot of wine? You don't have to use carbon dioxide to force
the liquid out of the keg; plain old nitrogen would work
fine. |
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where's a cooper when you need one? |
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// What's wrong with using industry-standard beer kegs to hold a lot of wine? // |
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Apart from proclaiming to the world that you are a giftless little prole with the aesthetic sensetivity of a horseshoe crab, nothing at all ... |
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Since alcohol is a poison, and since wine usually contains a
higher percentage of that poison than beer, on what basis
does a more poisonous substance need a fancier container
than a less-poisonous substance? Wouldn't it be more logical
to put more-poisonous substances into more-ugly
containers? Just imagine how ugly a moonshine container
should be, if that was the Rule! |
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//a giftless little prole with the aesthetic sensetivity of a horseshoe crab// says the person proposing to serve wine out of a plastic bag |
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They tried marketing that with juice already; not so sure
it
flew. |
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What are you going to do when an ex-wealthy homeless
man, or worse yet, a Floridian with a taste for these
realizes he can just procure one of your bags at BorgCo
and forgo the expensive case? (We're
keeping a close eye on Sturton)... |
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There goes the prestige and your entire business model. |
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// serve wine out of a plastic bag // |
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Serve wine out of a plastic bag inside a hand-made hardwood case through a tap made of chased and engraved sterling silver ... |
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// ex-wealthy homeless man with a taste for these realizes he can just procure one of your bags at BorgCo and forgo the expensive case? // |
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But he can't. It's a subscription-only service. |
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// (We're keeping a close eye on Sturton)... // |
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So are Interpol (although that's been a given since the so-called "Tirana Unpleasaness" in 1992 ... it was the first time he actually managed to bring about regime change solely though his own efforts. Yes, his breakfast coffee was a trifle cooler than he was used to, but all he had to do was wait for the waiter to bring him a fresh cup. Oh, no. Not acceptable. No, he HAD to make a scene. Unnecessary, we call it). |
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//on what basis does a more poisonous substance need a
fancier container// |
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Container fanciness and relative lethality have a most
obvious positive correlation. Consider water. It's fanciest
container is a fairly dull glass bottle, less fancy - a plastic
extrusion, or in northern England, no container at all,
just lying around. Beer goes from glass bottles up, stout
oak casks being the pinnacle of fancy there. Now,
consider Polonium. That's found in either tea, or nuclear
facilities. Nuclear facilities are an exercise in extremely
fancy containment. You know a container is fancy when
there are burly chaps with guns outside, and studious,
careful people inside. Once I got a sample of tetrodotoxin
sent to me, its container was nothing like the fanciness of
a nuclear facility, but it did come in a tube, inside a bag,
full of absorbent stuff. The bag was in a cardboard tube,
taped closed, that was in another bag. That bag was in a
sealed metal can, full of more absorbent stuff. The can
was in a bag, with more absorbent stuff. Then a box,
taped closed, in a bag. That was all enclosed in a large
metal paint can with foam padding. In a bag, finally a
box, and a position on a register I assume. |
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//Consider water. // I have had good cause to consider water recently. |
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I bought 1 litre of HPLC-grade water and, three days later, received a hardcopy MSDS for it, which the supplier is, it seems, obliged to send out. The MSDS ran to three or four pages, and included a section on flammability, dealing with spills, and toxicity. |
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As if that were not ridiculous enough, the MSDS had a clear and obvious error, since it stated that water was not hazardous by inhalation. Tell that to Whitney Houston. |
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hmm, what's special about that? We have a lot of purity
problems, but fairly specifically with getting down to low nM
Ca2+.. wait, I've had an idea. |
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Probably nothing. I do a lot of single-molecule PCR (including bacterial rDNA), so I'm only really worried about DNA and therefore don't use Millipore water (which, potentially, could have very low levels of bacterial or algal or somethingal contaminants getting in downstream). I just got into the habit of using HPLC water, and you know how it is - you never want to change anything that works, in case the voodoo goes wrong. |
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//Once I got a sample of tetrodotoxin sent to me, its
container was nothing like the fanciness of a nuclear
facility, but it did come in a tube, inside a bag, full of
absorbent stuff. The bag was in a cardboard tube, taped
closed, that was in another bag. That bag was in a sealed
metal can, full of more absorbent stuff. The can was in a
bag, with more absorbent stuff. Then a box, taped
closed, in a bag. That was all enclosed in a large metal
paint can with foam padding. In a bag, finally a box, and
a position on a register I assume.// |
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Overpackaging runs rampant amongst all the toys these
days. I blame marketing and packaging engineers. With
everyone buying everything from Amazon, why does a
tube of tetrodotoxin need retail shelf package
presentation anymore? |
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Why not just use holy water? Having been blessed by the
church it should meet the highest purity standard
required for any old biology test, and is available at any
corner Catholic church. |
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Congratulations on your amazing achievement! Let's open a bottle of wine to celebrate! I've a plastic bag of ’78 vintage, it would be just the thing |
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//Once I got a sample of tetrodotoxin sent to me// Wow! You have some really classy enemies. All I get is the occasional dead fish. |
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Your Great-Aunt-in-law Melatonia sent you those bird-eating spiders in that chocolate box, and they certainly weren't chocolate-coated ... amazing the speed those things can shift. |
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Buckfast with a handle attached. Ha |
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//Your Great-Aunt-in-law Melatonia...// |
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Oh, that's just her way. She always likes to surprise people on St. Oswin's day. The year before that she sent the Intercalary a pair of giraffes - amazing what the post office can do when you push them. And three years ago she celebrated it by painting the driveway - all 2 miles of it - with violet and lime-green stripes. The owner was livid. By the way, she says you can release the buffalo into the wild if you really don't enjoy them. |
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No, they're fine ... great company for the long winter evenings, and surprisingly the disgusting smell isn't a problem. |
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They became accustomed to it remarkably quickly ... |
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Ah. I suspect Aunty Mel would be surprised - did the tanker of barbecue sauce not arrive? |
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