h a l f b a k e r yIt's as much a hovercraft as a pancake is a waffle.
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Many mothers-to-be opt to deliver their baby in a birthing center or at home, perhaps using a hot tub or the assistance of a midwife or doulah. The perception is that institutional Medicine is impersonal, artificial and profit-driven, and has stripped what is natural and beautiful away from the birth
process.
However, at BUNGCO we realized that midwives and birth centers just substitute one artificiality for another. The solution: Wildbirth! With this special program, the mother-to-be is taken into the country and introduced to a group of friendly female animals in the days before she is to deliver. Subsequently there is no human contact at all until after the baby arrives, although a flare gun is left in the case that she should need assistance and the BUNGCO sites are a quick helicopter ride away from the hospital. The birthing happens guided only by the untainted instincts of the friendly animals who nuzzle, lick, and otherwise encourage the mother through her labor. Currently an impending mother may choose between horses, sheep, "wolves" (feral dogs), raccoons or dolphins. The soon-to-be-introduced "Extreme Wildbirth" will offer birth experiences set in the majesty of South Africa's Kruger park with a choice of lions, elephants or aardwolves.
The hand book.
http://www.evilover...lists/overlord.html
#69 [my-nep, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]
Have your baby- in a pod of dolphins!
www.i2k.com/~suzanne/upforair.htm
Dolphins probably won't hurt the baby. [macncheesy, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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Annotation:
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I'm all for choice, but I'm not sure this is a new idea, I think it was baked even before baking itself. approx 4M BC.
(+) for the title though. |
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There are few species where mothers help each other. Usually the mother-to-be retires to some safe place for birth. To make it "wild" the human mother could still be dumped in the middle of nowhere, but the midwife should go with her. The midwife could be made up as Neandertal. Perhaps a career for girl scouts who are to old to be girls and turned out to be real ugly women. |
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TV crew has to be disguised as trees. |
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can't stop the vision of a horse emotionally attached to the new-born holding the little creature in his mouth.. |
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<thanks Bungston for reminding me of Duran Duran songs> + </tBfrmoDDs> |
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Whilst a natural birth sounds very lovely, wonderful
and Earth Mothery before the contractions start, I have to say that when I am in labour I want to be within arms length of some hard drugs. Some ladies can give birth with no painkillers - if I turn out to be one of those then fine. However, I don't want to discover that I'm not one of these when my nearest neighbour is a species that has yet to discover the benefits of analgesia. |
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(are you previous annotaters all men? sounds like an excuse for you to spend labour in the pub not looking at gory things) |
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my neighbour's cat decided (some years back) to have her kittens in my living room - one of the most emotional afternoons of my life. when my dog had seven pups on a caravan holiday, I was too busy being midwife to think about it a great deal but that was pretty awesome too. |
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labour is pretty much the right word for giving birth naturally. |
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Is there an additional option to leave your child to be raised by wolves ? [ ducks, covers head in preparation for beating by responsible, loving parental types ] |
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Leaving the child to be raised by wolves (as in an orphan) is a violation of the rules establised by evil overlord who read the hand book. <link> |
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The father could go along, to chew through the umbilical cord. |
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BUNGCO UK - We Put the U Back in Labour! |
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//leave your child to be raised by wolves ? [ ducks// |
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Raised by ducks? Genius. I assume that they would found a great empire that uses bread as currency and attacks its enemies with dead fish? |
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I was raised by wolves... what???? |
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Quick! Get me the epidural fruit! |
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Of all things held, I think the television industry will be slowest to relax the grip on its stereotypical portrayal of birthing situations. Nonetheless, Wildbirth!~ as a concept is weird. |
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No, no, no, no. Jings, no. Even grand-high-poomba-earth-momma Gwyneth Paltrow had the good sense to give birth in hospital. Though her judgement in subsequent matters is somewhat questionable. |
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And when the "helpful" female animals turn on your baby, do you get your money back? |
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I think if the baby gets turned on, that would be an added benefit of the experience. |
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//like an excuse for you to spend labour in the pub //
I was going to vote against but then hazel pointed out the benefits so + from me. |
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If you read _Nisa_ by the author Marjorie Shostak.. you will understand why "wildbirth" is not something women usually opt for as a unique birthing experience. The !Kung of Africa have been doing it for years, but I doubt they'd pass up the chance to poke out a kid in a hospital. Still, the thought of doing it alone would be empowering... |
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