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Whoopee-Suit
Safety and soothing raspberry harmonics all in one rubbery outfit. | |
The traffic was thick and angry as John Shmedly Jr. weaved his way home in the second-hand rental car. The borrowed clunker had no airbags, the dismal paintjob made it all but invisible to the aggressive rush-hour drivers and its frayed safety belt promised little safety. Nevertheless, John Shmedly feared
not, for he wore his shiny new red velvet Whoopee-Suit (™)!
Shmedley patted the red, silky vest with smiling confidence. As he rounded the corner he caught a flash of electric blue and speeding chrome and…BLAHM! Out of nowhere a motorcyclist had zipped right into the path of the dismayed Shmedly’s front fender. With a pop and a “whoooosh,” Shmedly’s view was suddenly obscured by bulging red balloons as his trusty whoopee suit exploded into a restraining hug of rubbery goodness.
After a minute the suit deflated with a “pthooot” and “blaaat” down into its previously flat and tailored form, setting his mind at ease with its flatulent burblings. Shmedley got out of the wreck and looked around. The cyclist had flown into a hedge and was just then standing up, unhurt as his bright blue biking version of the whoopee suit deflated in rude utterances. The two exchanged information and walked into a nearby pub to compare notes on their fashionable safety vestments.
CONSTRUCTION NOTES: A full body suit with impact sensors that inflate whoopee cushion like pads on the torso, joints and collar. Single-use, replaceable gas-mixing cartridges (adapting the same process perfected in vehicular mounted airbags) send a burst of gas into all the suit’s various inflatable cushions. The motorcycle version has extra thick patches to resist puncture as the cyclist in a collision skids to a stop. The air is gently let out of the pads with musical pooting sounds either manually or by automatic release. The flatulent noise as the pads deflate notifies passerby’s or paramedics of the victim’s presence. A safety switch can turn the suit off when it isn’t needed. Vehicular safety is the suit’s intended use, but not the only possibility. Upcoming versions will offer alternatives to the flatulent noise, such as "Chorus of Starlings," "Whistler," "Mad Flautest" and "Drunken Bagpiper."
Michelin Man
http://images.googl...mages&ct=image&cd=1
Something like this... [Whirligig, May 06 2006]
Kool Aid Man
http://www.strangec...pisser/koolaid.html
or this... [Whirligig, May 06 2006]
[link]
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<pedant> Shmedly/Shmedley </pedant>
There must be two of them!
//What would you do with your whoopee suit?//
Perhaps Whoopee-Suit sumo?
Longest induced fartage wins. |
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Read it twice... still trying to see what function the suit serves that is not already served by bagpipes. (edit) Oh I see, the Whoopee Suit can be made to shut up after a while. Bun, then. |
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[BrauBeaton] safety engineering has correctly pointed out a need for a slight upgrade (see updated construction notes). The wonderful Whoopee Suit has now replaced its inadequate air pumps with single-use replaceable gas-mixing cartridges, adapting the same process perfected in vehicular mounted airbags. |
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The collision sensor has been set to ignore low velocity collisions so that it will not easily deploy while strolling about or taking a seat. Further testing has demonstrated possible deployment when the user is violently shoved or walloped (promising some usefulness in personal defense). |
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Sounds like one of those ads for children's fruit drinks. |
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//The collision sensor has been set to ignore low velocity collisions so that it will not easily deploy while strolling about or taking a seat.// |
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Awwww.... Self-contained catapult suit! |
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There's an idea. For the adventure-minded, [DesertFox], you could always make the suit more sensitive by disabling or replacing the sensor. Could be a sport in itself just trying to move about without turning into a noisy, bouncing beach ball. Perhaps an extra-sensative whoopee suit could be donned for law enforcement stealth exercises. "Whoooosh-BLAAAT! -- Sorry son, you just failed the obsticle course." |
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Excellent, a pure joy to read. |
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Love the idea of Whoopee Sumo and the human version of the board games Operation & Buckaroo. You mentioned law enforcement exercises, how well do you think it would function against a dog attack? would it be possible to make a suit that barks? maybe for postmen. |
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Future versions could use neural sensors which respond to the wearer's fear, giving them a level of security previously known only to puffer fish. The perfect accompaniment to the Ink & Stink(™) hat. |
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Very cool. But now comes Ray with the technical stuff: |
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You wouldn't want the suit to inflate when *it* was impacted. That would be far too late to do any good, and infact would do more harm. Therefore, the suit would need to communicate with the vehicle crash sensors near the radiator at a high baud rate to determine when to go off. This is how airbag systems work. |
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There are very sensitive timing issues as to when to properly inflate and deflate a vehicle airbag. The earlier, the better, generally. By the time the passenger hits the bag, it's already starting to deflate. Your whoopee noise generators would create too much backpressure to overcome in order to correctly time the optimal impact pressure. |
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You don't want bags inflating everywhere in an uncontrolled fashion. It would be disastrous if one went off on your back for some reason. |
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Wow, these are some great application ideas. I've been away from internet access at my grandfather's for a couple days and was itching to see what halfbakers would think of. I really like Whoopee Postal Suit - love to see how the dog reacts to a suddenly puffed up and barking postman. |
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Also a great critique by [RayfordSteele]. It's clear, that for actual high impact vehicular use, a removable vehicular sensor patch would have to be included as well. The pad inflation sequence and rate would have to be carefully engineered as well. I understand that the simplest sensor used for vehicular air bags uses a magnet and steel ball. |
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So, ironically, in early trials the Whoopee Suit would see more use with Whoopee Sumo, Operation, etc, until the car crash dummies had given it a proper work-out. |
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Thanks all. Oh - and I mentioned this site to my 90-year-old grandfather (a retired mechanic) and now he's getting internet access to be able to check it out himself. |
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I sent a link to a couple of friends as I thought this idea was particularly well written.
They told me that my reference to the Ink & Stink(™) hat was a bit too subtle.
I thought of it as a complement to the fear inflated suit which would mimic the defensive behaviour of a puffer fish.
The hat would combine the defensive mechanisms of the Squid or Octopus (Ink but probably better as smoke for air breathers) and the Skunk (the Stink component).
edit: removed extra lines |
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That is an intersting notion, having the suit sensors directed inward toward the wearers metabolism and adrenaline. I would still include the high impact sensor (using magnet/bearing mechanism) for this sort of use. For a particularly effective "pufferfish style" one could even include scary looking spikes with an anesthetizing drug at their tips. |
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The hat would be a workable addition for self-defense, provided the whole ensamble looked like a slick pimp suit ;) |
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For a defense that has an offensive component of course you would have to have a liscense for its use - a black belt in pufferfish ink-and-stink judo. |
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