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Fireworks. Loud, noisy, "fun". 2am, the day before a crucial job interview.
Time was, fireworks were used sparingly. They were special, something to really spice up an occasion. New Year's Eve: fair enough. Guy Fawke's Night (July 4th in USA): fair enough. A large fireworks display twice or thrice
a year is fine, acceptable, even commendable.
Not, as fireworks have come increasingly to be used for, any celebration you could possibly think of. A birthday? Yeah sure, lets have a house party and let off a few dozen fireworks just to let everyone know. A barmitzvah? Of course. A christening? A Housewarming? A minor religious festival? Why not? I need elaborate no further.
Trouble is, the nature of fireworks is that, watching in desperation from a few blocks away, you can't always work out which house they originate from. Thus any plan to halt the so-called "celebration" with an angry phone-call or a brief-but-explicit letter in the morning is thwarted. Even a call to the police (fireworks after 11pm are illegal in Britain) is usually pointless, as the police have far better things to do.
Fear not, however, because the solution to all those sleepless nights is at hand: Where'sThatFirework.com, the website where you can (after signing up) search for your neighbourhood and look up the exact house where a fireworks display is currently taking place at. The system works via a carefully placed network of watchtowers, each occupied by a "spotter" with a pair of strong binoculars and a laptop. When the spotter sees a firework display, he works out which house is hosting said display and quickly enters the details on the website, ready for angry and distressed neighbours to exact their revenge on.
[link]
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Necessary for old english fogeys. [+] |
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Of course, watchtowers would not always be necessary - a very tall hill would suffice. |
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Of towering height, presumably. |
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Microphones placed on telegraph poles would be able to triangulate these displays pretty well, removing the need for trained staff in the field. |
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But then you can't have all the people up in their towers, with only small radio and a thermos for company, muttering darkly into their sleeves, muttering, muttering... |
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Ive never really had these kind of firework related problems.. is this common? |
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How about FindThatBarkingDog.com [think I saw a post on this recently] |
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As a matter or fact this idea was inspired by a particularly irksome 2-hour display last night. It started bang on midnight, and I've narrowed it down to a row of 4 houses a few blocks from mine. Now I plan to send a concise yet forceful letter to each house, hoping to bluff one into admitting responsibility. |
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Said with the withering insanity of a true halfbaker. |
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<ultrapedant> sp. "Fawkes' night" </ultrapedant> |
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Otherwise, wheeeeeeee .... bun. (Ooooo! Aaaahhhh, etc.) |
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