h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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The usage of threatening, savage weapons is (presumably) a
great
stress reliever. And what better to take your aggressions out on
than food? It's all going to be digested anyway in the end.
Introducing Weaponized Utensils. These functional pieces of
cutlery are modeled after deadly-looking
medieval instruments
of death.
Tear chunks of skewered meat off of a lance kebab, or pick
them
off with a fo--oops, I mean, pick them off with a wickedly sharp
trident in your other hand. And spoons? Well, in this world, all
spoons are sporks, and all sporks are jaggedly hewn battleaxes.
Also included is a morningstar mace. We didn't know what to do
with it, so use it to tenderize meat or something. Imagine
the
look on your friends' faces when they see you calmly spreading
rasberry jam on your toast with a broadsword.
Hanwei miniature swords
http://www.medieval...niature-swords.html
[pocmloc, Jul 31 2010, last modified Oct 19 2011]
Rather lower quality axes and morning stars
http://www.medieval...ature-weapons-.html
[pocmloc, Jul 31 2010]
Grilly Willy Stress Sausage
Grilly_20Willy_20Stress_20Sausage
food for stress management [squeak, Aug 02 2010]
Weaponized spoon/cup/soft drink case etc
http://www.stustake...mail-brilliant.html
A fine array of weaponized utensils [doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2010]
[link]
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Imagine the looks on your friends' faces when you see only the backs of their heads as they leave the room. |
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NO ONE TURNS BACK ON CONAN. |
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If it was posted by either of them, there would be no
"presumably" in the first sentence. |
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"They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, their spears
into pruning hooks, and their halberds into cake-slicers. Or
vice versa" |
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wouldn't work but [+] for the sentiment: the only weapon that would scale usably would be a halberd or poleaxe as a cutting instrument (f'rinstance you would *not* want barbs on your dinner-trident). |
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Tabasco sauce dispensed by a tiny flamethrower ... |
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[Dr. Worm] you are correct. And you forgot to mention [MikeD]. Which is probably a bad idea - psychos can be sooo touchy about things like that. |
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can we expand the timeframe to include "salt'n'pepper blunderbusses" ? |
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I want some incredibly evil-looking rotary pronged thing for eating corn on the cob. With spikes. |
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Btw, see linky for my version of food-based stress management. Shameless, aren't I. |
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[Flytoast], the spikes on the trident are necessary. What good is a torturous fork if there isn't an element of danger to the user as well. + |
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the things that go through my twisted mind... |
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[voice]: If you have a dinner-table argument, a trident might be going through it soon. |
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A variant could be the antique dentistry & surgery cutlery set, with gruesome-looking saws, pincers and scalpels for diners to grapple with. |
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I'd be surprised if there wasn't some desperate dentist who's
eaten with their tools. |
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That would certainly allow for a proactive dental hygiene. |
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I'd be more worried about harmful chemicals than sterility. |
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// ingested more harmful chemicals // |
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Well, that explains a great deal.... |
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