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Every morning after breakfast, The Good Fairy Jenny dispenses
rawhide dental chews to Jack and Rusty, our pit bulls. The chews
are 2" x 5" strips of rawhide that have been treated with various
substances intended to scour and fortify the dogs' teeth as they
are
chewed. Rusty, being on the high
end of the doggy intelligence
bell
curve, understands that rawhide chews are intended as
entertainment devices and enjoys his treat, taking several
minutes
to consume it. Jack, who possesses the intellectual capacity of a
1982 Casio wristwatch (minus the ability to tell time) and the
chewing power of a high-speed car shredder, horks his down in as
little time as possible, thus obviating the advantages of specially-
prepared dental chews.
Waffle Cows are a new breed of bovine, bred primarily for
maximum hide thickness (although, since nothing should go to
waste, the meat will be of suitable quality to be ground up and
made into Purina Orphan Chow). They will be raised wearing
special jackets that leave a waffle-patterned imprint in their
abnormally thick skins. The waffly nubbles will have rounded
edges
to avoid discomfort and chafing. Any animal-welfare activists
who
complain about this practice will be reminded about Kobé beef
production and given one-way airfare to Japan.
When the leather is dried, it will produce rawhide strips of up to
3/4" thickness with a tooth-scrubbing texture, forcing even
industrial-strength chewers like our Jack to slow down and
actually
masticate.
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What's required is a sort of cross between a cow and
an onion, creating a matryoshkaesque creature
consisting largely of skin. |
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Alternatively, elephant or rhino hide might solve
your problem. |
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I like the onion-cow. Elephant hide I considered, but I'm
aware of no source for mass-produced pachyderms. |
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Rhinoceroses are sacred beasts and are not, if indeed such
a thing is possible, to be harmed. |
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//I'm aware of no source for mass-produced
pachyderms// Pachyderms are a source for mass-
produced pachyderms. And one elephant goes a
long way; the ears alone would produce a
formidable number of dog chews. |
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Regarding rhinos, their commercial use might well
be best thing to have happened to them.
However, if you insist on treating them as non-
consumable items, some sort of paring device
could be developed. |
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Failing all of the above, I'm sure that polypropylene
can be reinforced with Kevlar and impregnated with
cow flavour. |
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Ha! I was going to post a free range Kobe beef idea, but I'll just leave it here if that's ok? |
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Using the cows own methane production, individual dirigibles would let them live their lives grazing at near neutral bouyancy.
Tender beef, happy cows, a shrinking Ozone hole,and the harness I had in mind would make your waffle pattern as a side-effect.
Gonflabull. |
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//Kobé beef// - is that French? |
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No, it's an anti-deliberate misspelling. |
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Kevlar dog-toys are baked, but not very successfully. As far
as I know, they are only available in Kevlar flavor. |
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The free-range floating Kobe waffle cow is excellent. It's
what this idea should have been. Post it, [2fries] my friend,
and I'll give you full marks. |
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>The free-range floating Kobe waffle cow is excellent. |
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and self-barbecuing if it happens to float into a power line. |
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Strictly speaking, this would mean something like "getting in the way of", whereas the sense you want is more like "missing out on". |
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It's the "ob", you see - a beautifully economical Latin preposition, which can be rendered into English as something between "in the way" and "in your face". Hence, for example
obvious - in your path
obnoxious - harmfully in your face
obstreperous - noisily in your face
obstruction - building in your way |
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// reminded about Kobé beef production and given one-way airfare to Japan. // |
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Better,, " ... and given one-way airfare half-way to Japan." |
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Not exactly "cruel to be kind" ... more "cruelty for cruelty's own sake", really. |
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Misuse of the word 'obviate' has been a persistent thorn in
my side. At least I've finally started spelling 'thier'
correctly. |
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Actually, yes;
*Obstetor would be a man who stands in the way,
Obstetrix, a woman who stands in the way, and hence, a midwife. |
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I suppose you have to imagine her standing in the way of the emergent Latin sproglet, rather than its mother. Not "in the way" in a blocking sense, but presumably quite hard, nevertheless, for junior to avoid. |
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Anyway, back to the cows... |
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Interesting and educational annos like that one are raising
the property value of my low-rent ideas. It's Halfbakery
gentrification. |
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