h a l f b a k e r yMy hatstand runneth over
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The black garbed family walks up the mountain in silence, apart from the sobs of the inconsolable, following the black hearse. Once there, the Italian priest gives a sombre ceremony in honour of the life of somebody who was obviously much loved, and now muched missed.
I watch as the coffin is ceremoniously
sent into the volcano, a fleeting image of brown polished wood over the edge, then nothing. The family walks down the mountain and goes home, the funeral over.
The idea is to cremate bodies in volcanoes, except there are no remains to take home - but I suppose you could keep a nice little postcard, complements of the Way To Go Volcano Co.
For an extra price, you can have your casket stuffed with dynamite and launched over the centre of the volcano, where it goes bang and creates a pretty little display for you.
This would have to take place in one of the few places in the world where there is a volcano that you can actually see the lava/magma.
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Easier all round, I would think, to do this in a steel mill (as in the end of Terminator II). Volcanoes are haphazard and unpredictable things, and the funeral cortege might all too easily get cremated itself. |
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But, hey, no one lives forever - croissant! |
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I'm fine, thank you. Hawaii. |
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Hard to get close enough safely--but I'm sure people would be willing to pay. |
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//Hard to get close enough safely// |
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Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...
FIRE!!! |
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<Catapult gives almighty twang> |
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OK, I was going to stay neutral, as death by volcano is a routine end to any action film involving mountains. But "I suppose you could keep a nice little postcard" just cracked me up. |
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"Oh, look, here's me and Aunt Kathy at your father's funeral. It was so nice until a glob came down and landed on her arm. Shame, too. Do you know what she paid for that dress?" |
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Funny thing about potential spots, there aren't many around where I live, this would be for the super rich. Also volcanoes are tricky buggers, tough to get close to the best parts, this would have to be done in helidrops, videotaped or with far off witnesses. |
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Like [Jinbish], I was going to suggest a trebuchet to fling the coffin into the volcano. |
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//Vocano// Sounds like a vacation spot. |
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//volcanol// Ouch! My back hurts, better take some volcanol. |
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If you'd settle for mini-volcanos, Las Vegas-style, you could franchise this one. And offer various motifs: volcanoes for the tropically inclined, burning stagecoaches for the country-westerners, houses-on-fire for insurance brokers and arsonists... |
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another fine choice you've offered us [froglet]. |
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