h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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Venus's Aquarium
They'll be drawn to it like a Borg to any mention of felicide... | |
A seemingly regular aquarium, populated with dwarf
lanternsharks and/or any other carnivorous fish
(piranha?) that will eat mammals if they are made
available to it. The top of the aquarium is slotted
like
a kitchen spoon, with an oscillating fan atop it to
blow
the aquatic scents far and
wide.
The slotted lid,
accessible to even the craftiest feline only by
leaping
atop the aquarium, is in fact a trapdoor held shut
with
a 5-pound-test spring.
Placed in an open window to serve as both
decoration
and lawn/garden pest control, it is no more cruel to
cats than Venus's Flytraps are to flies. Don't want to
see your own cat end up as fishfood? I recommend
keeping your cat out of the yards of such
homeowners, and in return we will gladly continue
to
control our own pets thusly.
If it wasn't so bloody impossible to catproof a lawn,
such measures wouldn't be necessary. Here in
Spokane, Washington, USA, the maximum legal
height for a front-yard fence or wall is 4 feet (6 feet
for the backyard) and
topping it with barbed wire, nails or broken glass to
keep small animals from landing atop the wall or
fence is illegal.
A 4 foot fence is more than adequate for keeping
stray dogs out (and usually adequate for keeping
them in, too). They actually respect well-defined
boundaries.
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… and there was Much Rejoicing.
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Excellent idea, [21]! I shall recommend this to our city fathers for use as municipal decorations on every street corner... [+] |
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//maximum legal height for a front-yard fence or wall is 4 feet//
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You have a yard with dogs in it, and you worry about cats on your lawn?
tsk tsk |
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I don't leave my dogs out at all day, 2 fries. Most of
the time, they're in the house with me. And a haha
would be awesome, but they can be expensive,
especially one deep enough and with a smooth enough
wall to keep a cat out. |
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// especially one deep enough and with a smooth enough
wall to keep a cat out. //
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I rather thought the point of a haha was that things stay
_in_ it. Terminally, even. |
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Well either way, it wouldn't keep a cat in or out. |
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Picket fences and some block walls are often topped with blunt pyramidal forms in order to make their use by cats, skateboarders, and other pests more difficult. |
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What's strange about it? Am I not allowed to be
amused by the success of my adaptation of nature's
plan? |
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I think it was intended as being entertainment for the cat! |
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// Be prepared for your Assisted Curiosity Programme
to backfire as your property is surrounded by hundreds
of staring cats//
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This is what is referred to as a target-rich
environment. Backfire you say? I call that success. |
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