h a l f b a k e r yA few slices short of a loaf.
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Looking at the remnants of salami and leftovers in the fridge and, thinks me, why doesn't anyone make salami from veggies? Dry the veggies, put 'em in a 'sausage machine' and squirt 'em into something like a gelatin capsule (and yeah I know some gelatins are made from animal parts; oh, well..). It'd
be great, sliced, for sandwiches, hors d'ouvres at parties, etc.
Destination - everywhere
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9kGHmIZ4IUY
[xenzag, Jun 24 2015]
Vegetable Roll
http://www.homebutc...vegetable-roll.html
Take out the meat and animal fats to make it non-toxic and you have the perfect Vegan Salami [xenzag, Jun 27 2015]
Conjoined Anus and Pigeon.
http://i.dailymail....5DC-479_634x456.jpg
As it is not obvious from the picture, the pigeon is the one on the left. [8th of 7, Jun 27 2015]
[link]
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This would work well, as long as you don't mind
replacing the vegetable part with meat. |
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The thing about salami is that it is matured, aged
and allowed to dry and ripen. There is no equivalent
for vegetables. Or rather, there is, but the result
would be gross. |
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Salami making is basically a cheese-making process
adapted to the specific needs of preserving meat, and
some of the things done to it aren't the same things you'd
do to adapt to a veggie. |
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Cure soybeans to get tofu; ferment milk to get yogurt.
Both pretty squishy - in salami, you take pretty much all
of the water out, but it's not left powder-dry because of
the high fat content. If you removed the water from tofu
or yogurt, there'd be not much left. |
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You probably wouldn't associate it with the salami family,
but breads fit in this category as well. |
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Since it's difficult to get a vegetable fat to solidify and
cure, you'll probably end up leaving the fat out, and
applying it at the time of consumption. Like dipping
veggies (or chips) in ranch dressing, or croutons in olive
oil. |
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Of course, that means it's going to be really dry / hard;
you can't leave it as big as a salami or you've just created
a crowbar. |
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If I happen to get on an experimental food kick, I might
just try something like this. Probably start with chickpeas
(prepared like I was making hummus), add some sugar,
some yeast - let stand for a while, then spread thin on a
cookie sheet, cook enough to kill the yeast and dry the
chips. Serve with avocado. |
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I'd be willing to try it. Doesn't sound really good, but it
doesn't sound like it would make me puke either. |
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It's only step 1. Then, after you taste it, you think
"hmmm - this might be good with ____" or "it would have
been better if I ____" |
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I think what we're inventing here is wood. |
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Compared to the term 'toxic muck' that aptly describes all
processed meat products, I'd say this is quite a good idea. |
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Maybe..... dehydrate, then somehow reconstitute with enough oil so it doesn't break teeth, adding enough spices so's it doesn't just taste like oil... colon blaster. |
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//'toxic muck' that aptly describes all processed
meat products// |
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Ah, I see you have never been to France, Germany,
Italy, Spain, Greece, Poland... in fact, where have
you been? |
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Actually, I think I may have stumbled upon a new
rule
for the internet. |
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Godwin's Law states that, sooner or later, in any
argument, someone will mention Hitler,
whereupon
the debate is over. |
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I propose Bacon's Law, which states that as soon as
anyone mentions bacon, vegetarians and vegans
have
no plausible option but to concede defeat. |
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My bad english and the halfbakery.... |
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I thought that "veggies" was a slang for "vegans". |
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And then, the idea and the annos became something really weird :-p |
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I propose Melon's which states that as soon as anyone
mentions melons, meat eaters have no plausible option but
to concede defeat. |
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//where have you been?// see last link. Currently in
Barcelona inspecting carrots. |
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//Currently in Barcelona inspecting carrots.// The
defence rests its case. |
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We sincerely hope that's not a euphemism for something
perverted and disgusting. |
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Brits and Americans arguing over food. The mind
boggles. |
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I just wanted to contribute to this discussion by saying,
"Vegan Samurai", and
then walking away again. |
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I don't feel this adds particularly to the flow of the
conversation, but at the
same time, I'm not entirely sure that matters in this case. |
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// Brits and Americans arguing over food // haha - you
may have something
there - though it may be the case that we Imperial
nations are uniquely
placed to talk about food originating from places we've
stomped over at some
time in our history. |
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My favourite factoid about British Imperial Cuisine-
is how we Brits
introduced Curry (e.g. kare raisu) from India to Japan
where it has become
somewhat of a national dish - having mutated/Anglicised
it along the way by
means of our Naval cooks preparing the dish by making a
roux containing curry
powder and flour - rather than the more Indian method
of frying down
mashed onions and spices. The resulting sauce is
distinctive and particular,
yet it only appears in this form in Japanese restaurants
and British Fish and
Chip shops. |
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//Brits and Americans arguing over food.// As I am neither
of these, that excludes me. I only take issue with meat
eaters, as generally can't tolerate their smell, or attitude
to animal welfare as all meat consumption involves cruelty
to animals. As a vegetarian I claim supreme health, fitness
and mental agility, as confirmed by the little fish who keep
rising to the tiniest amount of bait dangled in front of
them. One carrot, two carrots, three carrots, four cavorts.
Ha! |
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Meat consumption also causes cruelty to vegetables (the animals eat them). Vegetable consumption naturally causes cruelty to vegetables, but vegetable consumption also causes cruelty to animals (killed or displaced by farming and processing processes). |
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Perhaps we should just eat each other? |
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// I only take issue with meat eaters,// Oh, get over
it. There's more of us than there are of you. |
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I don't like okra, but I'm happy not to make not liking
okra my mission in life. |
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//As a vegetarian I claim supreme health, fitness and
mental agility// ... and the moral highground. |
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Yes! From up here the view over the lesser morals is
stunning. I also claim that free coconut I just hit. |
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Take what you like. I'm too busy eating my
vealburger with foie-gras and larks' tongues. |
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I've never had foie-gras tongue. |
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Force-feed a vegetarian his favorites, and then cut
out his small intestine. |
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There's more Southern Americans than there are
Brits, so I don't know if that argument works so
well... |
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//I'm too busy eating my vealburger with foie-gras and
larks' tongues.// Clearly a barley disguise eupanism for
having anal sex with pigeons. |
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//I'm too busy eating my vealburger with foie-gras and
larks' tongues.// Clearly a barley disguised eupanism for
having anal sex with pigeons. |
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That too, and they make a tasty post-coital snack. |
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// having anal sex with pigeons // - interestingly, this
would be far harder than you might at once imagine,
since
pigeons (and all other birds, I suppose) lack an anus,
instead boasting a "cloaca" or "vent", a single multi-use
orifice that functions as external interface for both
gastrointestinal and urogenital purposes. A Swiss-Army
arsehole if you like, but strictly speaking, not an anus. |
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I suppose it might be possible to surgically attach an anus
to a pigeon, and depending on how quickly you wanted to
actually engage in such an unusual act of anal intercourse
, you might have to perform the surgery yourself, as I'd
imagine it'd be tricky (and certainly time-consuming)
locating and persuading a suitably deviant veterinary
surgeon to undertake such a procedure, considering it
were for the sole purpose of engaging in the sexual abuse
of said creature later. |
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But, each to their own I suppose. |
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From a nutritional point of view, fresh meat is much preferred to cured or processed meat. Also, it is considered far better if the meat is sourced from animals which have been fed their natural diet. On both these counts, vegan salami would be considered inferior. |
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//having anal sex with pigeons - interestingly, this would
be far harder than you might at once imagine// That
depends on how you look at it. Birds are very attracted to
dark places that they can use as potential nesting sites, but
better ask Max about all of that, as after the event, he
seems to view them as a suitably prepared snack. Ha. |
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//From a nutritional point of view, fresh meat is
much preferred to cured or processed meat. Also,
it is considered far better if the meat is sourced
from animals which have been fed their natural
diet.// |
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Possibly, but have you any evidence? I think meat
_tastes_ better if the animal has eaten well, and I
certainly think the animal is _entitled_ to a decent
life, but I'm not sure there's any evidence that
either of these seriously impacts on the
healthfulness of the meat. |
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One case where processing is probably deleterious
is when it used as an opportunity to pass off fat as
meat, so that the food is higher in fat. |
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Plenty of evidence that it is considered better; just look at the markup on “grass-fed beef” at the pretentious farmers markets. |
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I never mentioned that it actually was better. |
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(I'd still go for the grass-fed beef, though I don't think
there's any other sort in the UK. I may be wrong,
though.) |
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[EDIT] OK, a quick Google says that most UK beef is
grass-fed (or fed on hay/silage in the winter). What
is the point of feeding cattle on grain? |
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You're right, I think it's a US thing, probably a combination of a lack of good grazing, an abundance of grain, a strong grain producers lobby, etc. |
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Reasons why naturally-fed might actually be better include a much more nutritious and healthy fatty acid profile in the finished product, and the neccessity of supplementing the un-naturally fed animals with routine medications etc. traces of which remain present in the end product. |
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//lack of good grazing// 10 million square
kilometres??? And 1/8th the population density of
the UK? What is with these people? |
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You can dry your leafy vegetables if you want to. Lettuce and kelp can be salted and dehydrated. If you tried to apply the same process to a vegetable with a stalk, you'd probably end up with something that would be really stringy and unpleasant to eat. Chunky vegetables are best preserved through pickling. |
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// Lettuce and kelp can be salted and dehydrated.//
So can grass cuttings and snot. |
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//What is the point of feeding cattle on grain?// Just
watch what happens to the price of your UK grass-fed
beef the next time you get 344 sunny days in a year. |
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While working for the U.S. Forest Service, an uncle of
mine was tasked with evaluating an area in eastern
California for its ability to support grazing. His team's
report opined that a cow "would need a mouth six feet in
width and the ability to graze at 60 miles per hour in
order to pick up enough food for bare survival." That was
in 1955, not nearly so dry as current conditions. |
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//Just watch what happens to the price of your UK
grass-fed beef the next time you get 344 sunny days
in a year.// I will. It might be a while before I get
back to you. |
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This idea has more lives than one can possibly imagine. |
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// it might be possible to surgically attach an anus to a pigeon // |
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Baked. Totally Baked, and WKTE. |
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One of the problems with vegetables is that a lot
of the nutrition in them is inaccessible to the
human digestive system. This is why we cannot
live on grass, for example. |
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However, there may be a solution. Just as passing
coffee beans through the intestinal tract of a civet
cat produces the highly sought after Kopi Luwak,
so there should also be a way to pass things like
grass through the intestinal tract of a herbivore to
produce a partially pre-digested food suitable for
vegetarians. I am
thinking that a large, domesticated animal such as
a horse might do the trick nicely. |
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Baked and WKTE. Governments already have policies that involve feeding large quantities of horseshit to their citizens. |
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//Baked and WKTE.// I was thinking more along the
lines of vegetarian burgers. |
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Yes, they're shit too, hence "Grilled and WKTE (unfortunately)" |
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// Cure soybeans to get tofu // |
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We thought soybeans were healthy ? Who wants a food made from convalescent beans ? |
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//a way to pass things like grass through the intestinal tract of a herbivore to produce a partially pre-digested food suitable for// isn't that how beef was invented? |
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Or, already mentioned in the body of the idea: //hors d'ouvres at parties, etc.// |
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Sorry, accidentally deleted my anno at the top there! |
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