h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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One often hears the advice that when speaking before a group of people, the nervous orator should alleviate his or her anxiety by imagining the audience in their underwear. This is not an easy thing to do for those not gifted with a vivid imagination, so I propose the employment of underwear plants.
Underwear
plants are professional audience members whom you can hire to sit in the front row wearing nothing but underwear* and shoes. For an additional fee they will ask very easy questions at the end of your talk.
*Including sock garters, wife-beater undershirts, bloomers, polka-dot boxers, and bras with tassels. Gender conventions are not necessarily observed.
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The plants would have to be people that the speaker would find unattractive. Could be quite distracting otherwise. |
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See, but by using your imagination, the speaker is put at ease without the audience knowing he's about to have a nervous breakdown. If I saw a guy in a chicken suit flapping arround behind the last riow of chairs, I would KNOW the speaker was up to something. |
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thank goodness, I thought this was going to be a cactus in someone's knickers. +1 by the way. I like it. |
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How about special, very tight rubber bands that fit around the *speaker's* pants? This would alleviate any irrational fear that the speaker's pants would fall down during his speech. |
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