Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Go ahead. Stick a fork in it.

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Uber Toaster

 Pickup or delivery
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To save counter space the toaster is attached to the wall via a pantograph, the power cord safely attached to each link thereof.

To use, bread is inserted into the toaster and the toasting mechanism activated. For local operation nothing else need be done. Upon completion the toast will eject, be plucked by the user and spread with any number of delicious spreadable spreads or just gnawed on dry in truly barbaric fashion.

For remote delivery the user will follow the steps for normal operation followed by pressing the RED BUTTON, then go sit at the table to prepare the breakfast beverage and other breakfastables. Upon completion the toast will pop up followed by the entire toaster zinging out across the counter and the width of the floor to the table, scaring the shit out of the cat and delighting the children.

—whatrock, Mar 02 2021

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       Why are your wearing dark glasses? The toaster hit me.
—wjt, Mar 02 2021
   

       For sound and sober reasons of health and safety, the toaster should be encased in an outsize shiny red boxing glove. I mean, that is the default for anything deployed on the end of a pantograph, isn't it?
—pertinax, Mar 02 2021
   


 

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