Where I live, we refer to folk who check
out second hand cars without the
slightest
intention of buying them as "tyre
kickers".
Maybe it's the same everywhere. They
shuffle around awkwardly, hands in their
pockets muttering about cylinder head
gaskets, overhead cams, and other such
drivel. This is all punctuated by
periodical
tyre kicking, which as far as I can
determine is the equivalent of a nervous
tick, and about as informative.
What they really need are a pair of my
new
Tyrematic Shoes, one of which is fitted
with a complex gauge, depending on
which
foot is used for kicking purposes. As a
further modification, extra
weights can be added to this shoe to
increase its momentum.
When the tyre is kicked, the needle on
the
gauge swings around and takes a
reading,
which the wearer can then look up in an
authoritatively well thumbed, oil
smeared, little book of arcane tables.
(In local accents) "How's thon red Fiesta
Alec?" - "Aghh, she's a grand wee runner,
with a good set of treads on 'er, but that
other Toyota yolk is a bundle a'scrap,
with
only a 6.458 reading on the oul
Tyrematics."