Tyrematic Shoes

Where I live, we refer to folk who check out second hand cars without the slightest intention of buying them as "tyre kickers".

Maybe it's the same everywhere. They shuffle around awkwardly, hands in their pockets muttering about cylinder head gaskets, overhead cams, and other such drivel. This is all punctuated by periodical tyre kicking, which as far as I can determine is the equivalent of a nervous tick, and about as informative.

What they really need are a pair of my new Tyrematic Shoes, one of which is fitted with a complex gauge, depending on which foot is used for kicking purposes. As a further modification, extra weights can be added to this shoe to increase its momentum.

When the tyre is kicked, the needle on the gauge swings around and takes a reading, which the wearer can then look up in an authoritatively well thumbed, oil smeared, little book of arcane tables.

(In local accents) "How's thon red Fiesta Alec?" - "Aghh, she's a grand wee runner, with a good set of treads on 'er, but that other Toyota yolk is a bundle a'scrap, with only a 6.458 reading on the oul Tyrematics."