Trumopoly

Trumopoly is another version of the famous board game Monopoly, only this one has had a make over, Donald Trump style.

The main rules are mostly the same. (except the game is not for sale in Mexico and Muslims are strictly forbidden to play - under a new law passed by recently elected Emperor Trump). In original Monopoly the players selected characters like a hat or a boot. Trumopoly has supplanted these innocents with a toxic chemical barrel; a fish skeleton; a war-head; a tank; and a box with the word "bling" inscribed on it. The currency of Trumopoly naturally features the head of The Donald, but mostly it looks like Monopoly until you start actually playing, when the real differences begin to emerge.

Firstly there are the properties: The four utilities have been replaced by notorious American prisons. There is Rikers Island, Folsom, San Quentin and of course Guantanamo Bay. (yes he kept that one open for all of the Muslims and disabled people arrested as they came off international flights at places like JFK). Other properties are conventional enough, except for the additional ability to invest in some particularly nasty companies, like Monsanto, McDonalds, Exxon Oil, or Union Carbide. Trumopoly features companies that are based on the most polluting industries, along with arms manufacturing; tobacco; the fur trade; factory farming; de-forestation industries etc - there are plenty to choose from, and all create good returns from high rents.

Now we come to the chance and community chest cards that bring rewards and punishments in equal measure. As well as going to jail, there is an instant death card - picking this means you are out of the game, unless you can bribe your escape from the impending gas chamber. Rewards can include varnishing The Donald's toes; the opportunity to bulldoze a shanty town, and get well paid; burning down an ancient forest to make room for a very profitable sterile palm oil plantation etc. Supplementing the cards are the Born Again Dumbo Numbers - throwing particular combinations of prescribed numbers means you get to endorse and collect rewards for holding certain Trumpesque beliefs - like domesticated dinosaurs being used on ancient farms to pull ploughs. The game progresses until there is a winner, who gets to wear the special Trump Wig in celebration.

Note - every game of Trumopoly also contains a free Donald Trump Colouring in book (featuring no use of either black or brown)