h a l f b a k e r yYou think: Aha! We go: ha, ha.
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Ever been at a gig or in a really packed club, where it takes half an hour just to push through the crowds to get to the bar, and even longer to get back, and by the time you are back, you've spilt so much of the drink over yourself that your t-shirt's more inebriated than you are? Sometimes the bar
isn't even that busy, it's just that there are far too many people in too small a place for you to get through to it.
How much nicer if you just held up a flag, and a bartender swooped down from above to take your order, returning in a few minutes to bring you your drink in the midst of the crowd. When there's people all around you and you can't move, the only way to get supplies in is from the air. Adding trapezes just makes it more fun, but if you're worried about splashing, you might go for something more responsible, like a network of cranes on aerial tracks criss-crossing the room.
(My next invention will hopefully be a way to evacuate 300 drunk punks from a small, dark, overcrowded room up a slippery beer-and-rain-sodden staircase and to safety in the event of a fire.)
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But what about all the party-goers who, in the midst of dancing, throw their flags in the air? The bartender comes by and asks for the drink order and none is to be given. A small argument arises and all other drink orders are late. Otherwise, I like the idea. I always like seeing people flying around while in a bar, why not for a good reason now? |
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It would rather limit the pool of suitable qualified bar-staff (but perhaps provide gainful employment for redundant circus performers). Would the bouncers wear leopard-skin Strong Man costumes? |
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Re. next idea: Springboard Ejector Speakers and Open Skylights? Pretty please? |
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"Could everybody please pogo calmly up to the speakers and stage-dive. One by one, please." |
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Clump clump BOING! clump clump BOING! clump clump BOING! clump clump BOING *SMASH* tinkle tinkle tinkle. |
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"Who forgot to open the skylight?" |
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Half baked in a SF book that I can't remember...low gravity world, the waitrons flew overhead by long jumps with the aid of small 'flying squirrel' type wings. I love the idea, if it'd work... |
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Maybe the mosh-buddy-pogo-weebles could have built in fire extinguishers... |
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More fun to put the bar patrons on the ceiling. Tables and chairs would be glued to the ceiling. Patrons would don velcro shoes and a safety harness to keep their feet within reach of the velcro on the ceiling (or floor, to them). The barkeep and waitstaff would pole the bottles and glasses up to the patrons. It would be the patron's responsibility to affix the bottle and glass to the velcro-covered table, and to also retrieve the correct remuneration from their pocket and/or wallet. Too bad if they can't keep hold of that loose change--any that is dropped, the house keeps. Same goes for drinks: you spill it, you buy it. This way, the house does not have to play loud music to boost drink sales--they would make enough extra on the spillage to get by. |
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Better not tell Tom Cruise about this idea. If it occurs to him that he could have made "Cocktail" more than ten years later, and shot the film while surrounded by hot male trapeze artists in tights, he'll be just furious. |
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Sounds like a trained-monkey job to me. |
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Entremanure, it'd probably be easier to put the wait staff on the ceiling...fewer chances for drunks to fall off and hurt themselves... |
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Yeah, but drunks don't get hurt when they fall. Besides, it'd be so much work and cost so much to get drunk that any one who does ought to be made an honorary wait staff person, right-side up. |
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all commercials for beer ought to have monkeys, or a beer barrel full of monkeys |
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