Transportation Simulator Bed

Many people are plagued by an inability to sleep at night. Drugs, such as sleeping pills, can mess you up and make you feel groggy the next day, and are not a true solution. Aromatic therapies, i.e. exotic fragrances, designed to calm and lull you to sleep, often tend to have the unwanted side-effect of increased randiness, thereby reducing the possibility of sleep even further.

I am therefore pleased to present my conclusive solution to this problem.

For reasons not yet understood, those who fail to fall asleep in their beds often start snoring within seconds of boarding a car, bus, train, or plane. Something about the noise, vibration and motion of a moving vehicle provides a powerful pulling force towards the land of sleep.

No doubt you are thinking that I am about to suggest a fleet of roving bed trucks, which drive the customer around until he/she falls asleep. But no, that would be bad, not just for the environment, but also for people who like to drive their sports cars at high speed on deserted city streets.

Instead, I present you with the Transportation Simulator Bed. This is basically a mattress with a vibration source, mounted on a frame linked to steel arcs, with electric motors or a hydraulic system, a computer, and a group of high quality speakers.

After settling under the covers, you may choose one of three modes.

If you choose Train, your bed will shake mostly laterally, and the vibrations will be equivalent to those occurring on an actual train. From the speakers will emanate the right sounds, including the chatter of other passengers at a distance, the occasional roar as the train goes through a tunnel, and in countries which have these, periodic announcements by the conductor. The rhythmic 'clackity-clack' noise the train makes as it goes over joints in the rails would be accompanied by the correct vibrations. As the train goes into a curve, the whole bed would tilt slightly and turn on its axis towards a new bearing...