h a l f b a k e r yStrap *this* to the back of your cat.
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Tramp Stamp
Loyalty card scheme for vagrants, mendicants and the like | |
Look at that poor tramp over there. Look at him. Look at him shivering under his blanket, slumped in a doorway in winter. Look at those three pennies sitting forlornly at the bottom of his begging cup. Poor tramp.
Imagine if that tramp had a delicious cup of hot coffee. Imagine that! Tasty and
piping hot, just the thing to give warmth, pep and pizazz to a cold tramp. But you're in a rush and you're on your way to work and you don't have any time to buy the poor tramp a tasty, piping hot beverage. As you walk past that begging cup and down the street you wonder if that tramp will survive another night on the cold, unforgiving streets.
BUT NOT SO FAST. What if you had an easy way to contribute toward a cup of tasty hot coffee for that tramp without the inconvenience of scrabbling for spare change or stopping past a nearby Corporate Global Coffee Chain to pick one up? Enter the 'Tramp Stamp', a simple loyalty card scheme to streamline the transfer of charity betwixt busy citydweller and needy vagrant.
The Tramp Stamp operates using the following mechanisms:
1) The Tramp Stamp Loyalty Card: This card can be collected from outlets of participating Corporate Global Coffee Chains. The impoverished can pick one up for free. Once all of the boxes on the card have been stamped it can be exchanged for a tasty hot coffee (not including promotional items, extra shots or toppings).
2) The Tramp Stamp Ink Stamp: A limited-use ink stamp that can be purchased using change from your coffee purchases (that you would previously have put into a charity donation box). The more change leftover from your purchase the more stamps your Tramp Stamp Ink Stamp will be loaded with.
Now, let's reimagine the scene...
Look at that poor tramp over there. Look at him. Look at him shivering under his blanket, slumped in a doorway in winter. Look at those three pennies sitting forlornly at the bottom of his begging cup. Poor tramp.
But hark! Beside that cup is a Tramp Stamp Loyalty Card! By simply stopping and using the two remaining stamps in your Tramp Stamp Ink Stamp to complete the tramp's collection he is now entitled to a tasty hot coffee. Lucky tramp! As he whispers a muffled 'thank you, sir' with his last remaining breath you can skip off down the street, content in the knowledge that you've done your civic duty, free of the burdens of guilt or loose change respectively.
Suspended Coffee
http://www.suspendedcoffees.com/
[EnochLives, Jul 15 2014]
tramp stamp
https://www.google....2MKHWxBAosQ_AUIBigB
Tramp Stamps [popbottle, Jan 17 2017]
[link]
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If the tramp had formerly worked for Donald
Trump, but was sacked for being effeminate,
and it was raining, would this be a Damp
Camp Trump Tramp Stamp ? |
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Most coffee chains you can get a card. I use one because it saves fiddling with change at the drive-thru. Easy enough to load one with a couple bucks and give it to somebody. [+] for giving me that idea. |
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Umm..Tramp stamp has an altogether different
meaning hereabouts. Might it cause some confusion? |
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The problem is that cards are easily lost or soiled. |
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A better solution would be to apply the stamps to
the forehead of the tramp. Once she has a
complete row, she is entitled to go into a coffee
shop (or is forced to go into a Starbucks) to receive
her free coffee. A moist paper towelette would be
used to wipe the slate clean. |
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And to save the donor bending down, the stamp could be mounted on the toe of their boot. Anything that reduces the effort needed to donate to the poor has to be a good thing. |
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I think we can, not unreasonably, expect the tramp
to stand up to be stamped. |
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Alternatively, if the stamp were attached to the front of your trouser
turnups [MB], the tramp would be effortlessly stamped while in the
process of grovelling before you and licking your boots (yes, yes, we
know you already have people to do that for you). |
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And then you coud kick him in the teeth, laugh loudly, and re-embark
in your sedan chair. It would be quite like when you go out at
Christmas
to collect the rent from your tenants, except you'd have to a bit more
discreet about how you plied the horsewhip. |
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What [FT] said, but a bun anyway for your compassion. |
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The cafe near me allows you to purchase additional hot drinks at roughly cost price which they then hold in trust until a person who looks sufficienty destitute comes to claim it. This has the benfits that a) feeding the homeless is cheap, and b) homeless people are less reliant on begging. |
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[Enochlives], that is a nice place that you speak of. |
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// that is a nice place that you speak of. // |
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You haven't been to the English midlands have you, [blissmiss]? |
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Anyway it turns out we're not abnormally nice. Apparently people are doing this sort of thing all over the place. It's called a Suspended Coffee (link). |
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// that is a nice place that you speak of .... the English midlands // |
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[MB], do you have ANY idea what this bloke's on about ? Or, more
likely, on ? |
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We think he may have consumed some of [bungston]'s Funny
Mushrooms ... |
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Search me. I know there's an East (I'm sitting on part
of it), and of course the Home Counties, and then
there's Scotland and (if you'll excuse me) Wales. So I
suppose there must be a bit in the middle to join
them all up. |
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Yes, that's the frightening bit, isn't it ? |
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Do you think it might be that almost-blank bit of the map that shows
the M6. the A38, and an illuminated hand-drawn text reading "Hiere
Bee Dragns" ? |
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It's possible. I'll have a word with my cartographer
and see if he can shed any light. |
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Thankyou. Oh, and please tell the Intercalary Twin that his Great-
Uncle Molotov says that second-class post is fine, but to make
sure that the ends are properly tucked in and taped this time. |
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Oh dear - they didn't escape again, did they? I hope
they didn't bite anyone important. I'll mention it to
the Intercalary. Oh, and can you spare him any more
of that ointment? |
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// Oh dear - they didn't escape again, did they? // |
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//I hope they didn't bite anyone important. // |
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No, just a couple of cardinals and an archdeacon, and one of the lap-
dancers got a nasty shock. |
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// and can you spare him any more of that ointment? // |
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Of course. Does he want the old fashioned stuff in the tub, that you put
on with a sink-plunger, or the new stuff in the tube that you put on
with a brass brush ? |
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But if it isn't any better by now, he really should go and see a
herpetologist, rather than just messing with it. What if it starts to
spread ? |
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I think it's unlikely to spread any further than it
already has. The intercalary is a bit of a one-off
habitat. |
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(Of course, he wouldn't be so worried about the rash
if he hadn't had one off.) |
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// that is a nice place that you speak of .... the English midlands // |
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// Do you think it might be that almost-blank bit of the map that shows the M6. the A38, and an illuminated hand-drawn text reading "Hiere Bee Dragns" ? // |
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All true, but also where they invented Bakewell Pudding and Engineering. |
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Eh ? Bakewell's in Derbyshire, and
Engineering was invented almost
simultaneously in Tyneside (Stephenson) and
Cornwall (Trevithick), not to mention the
esteemed Mr. Darby at Coalbrookdale which
is on the West bank of the River Severn … |
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Now you're just confusing the issue with facts, [8th]. |
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