h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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When you go on a blind date, I imagine, it can be hard to
identify one's potential date and both people try to make a
particular impression on each other in various ways. Also,
it can probably be really tense and serious, which might
stop people from coming across well.
All of these problems
can be solved by the dating agency
insisting that everyone dresses as a tomato. It would then
be easy for dates to recognise each other, the ice would be
broken, the embarrassment would already have reached a
pinnacle and it would be downhill from there and there
would be no easy way to make a false impression. The
potential trauma of being seen in public dressed as a
tomato would throw the potential for the relationship into
a mild crisis situation which will bring out how people
really feel about each other at the start and prevent them
from wasting each other's time. The website could just
have tomatoes as profile pictures, and it would be harder
for people to invade intimate space in quite the same way.
In order to avoid tomato competition, the dating agency
itself would supervise the suiting up.
In case you're wondering, yes I really do want to dress up
as a tomato but don't let that influence how you feel. I
can handle it. I have other interests too.
Alternatively, well you can guess - it's just selecting the
isotopes with the shortest half lives in tomatoes to
calculate how old they are so you can sort them in terms of
probable freshness. Of course the ones highest in
radioisotopes would stay fresh for longer anyway.
[link]
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There are SO many varieties of tomatoes! Plum, Vintage,
YellowBoy, Cherry, etc, etc. Maybe there could be some
type of graph or correlation as *what* kind of tomato your
personality might be represented as...I don't know.
You try it first! |
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Well, I was just thinking of yer bog standard round one
without going all fancy about it, [xandram], but thanks for
the heads-up about the potential problem. |
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You spend all that money on the gym membership and herbal testosterone, then you want to dress like a tomato? |
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Only if you want to be a beef tomato. |
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It's a great leveller, [bungston], is the idea. |
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Tomato... tomahto... let's call the whole thing off! |
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I had that very pronunciation controversy in my mind as I
put this together. |
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Nervous people could date an actual tomato, saving themselves from the embarearsement of actual human interaction. |
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It'd be my luck to end up with a lemon suit. |
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Well, at least you might get a squeeze ... |
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This has worrying similarities to "furries" ... |
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Don'tcha just hate it, when you're dating a vegetable and then find out its a fruit? |
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Yeah it is a bit furry, but that could be circumvented by getting people to fill in questionnaires about their kinks while connected to a machine which measures their sexual arousal somehow, possibly by detecting perineal blood flow. |
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What if having their perineal blood flow measured is one of their
kinks ? |
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Well then it will just be positive all the time and they can be a
tomato anyway. But the question can be included to see if
there's an extra surge. |
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"What's tomato with you?" |
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She was a hot tomato. She had cruel shoes. He was a ketchup heir. There were dollar signs in his eyes. |
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This was not going to end well. |
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"If you like to talk to tomatoes... if a squash can make you smile..." |
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I cannot believe you just put that song in my head. Talk about earworms... |
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" And you're tired of blind dating, you'll go the extra mile...
If you'll wear vegetable costumes, hoping you'll meet the one...
Then you should try something different, and you're sure to have fun." |
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//What if having their perineal blood flow measured
is one of their kinks ?// |
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Are tomatoes annuals or perineals? |
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// annuals or perineals? // |
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Anuals, shirley ? You could verfy it by looking it up … if, that is,
you like that sort of thing. |
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What if you really Lycopersicum but you're
afraid to tell her? |
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You mean you've been in the nightshade all your life? |
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