h a l f b a k e r yNumber one on the no-fly list
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Toast is an excellent snack. But in the modern world,
Shirley we can do more? Plug the bs0-co toaster into the
wall, spend 30 mins scrolling through the menus and if
you're lucky it'll be connected to the WiFi*. Now you're
only
an app download and Google/Apple account login away
from full
functionality.
Next morning, pop in a couple of slices of bread and sit
back. The bs0-toaster will dutifully download your
preferred information: Time, date, little cloud symbol
with
"11C" next to it and a reminder about your 3pm dentist
appointment. Your second slice might contain a couple
of
brief news headlines or the latest Presidential tweet.
Now you may marvel at how far technology has come.
Only
yesterday you had to get your phone out or turn on the
tv
for that kind of information. But there it is.
Now, after 30 days, your free trial period will end, but
you
will still be able to enjoy your personal schedule
rendered
on bread, however you may notice the first two slices
are
devoted to full page ads. Gone are the days of plain,
soothing brown slices of toast***. Now you're probably
staring at an ad for a toaster, or flenting accessories.
Rest assured, at only $6.99 per month you can go
premium,
completely ad free. Please note that the bs0-co toaster
requires power and internet access at all times. Ad
blocking software may result in uneven toasting
performance and software updates may take up to an
hour
to complete during which time toasting is disabled for
safety reasons. Information on bread preference,
toasting
performance and usage habits will be collected to
improve
user experience/revenue streams. For consistent
toasting quality, use only convenient bs0-co branded
bread-pods, none bs0-co bread support scheduled to end
Q3 2018. Talking model due Q4
2018.
*Sadly, PoE lacks the oomph for toasting
** If locations is set to "Macclesfield" The toaster simply
uses this every day as a way of saving data and increasing
accuracy.
***Unless there's a big push on Rentisham's.
Toast_20Text_20Messaging
[hippo, Mar 15 2018]
[link]
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[+] well, of course ; naturally, the content needs be formatted in bites. |
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See linked idea, and the BBC news story linked to
that |
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/Prior to turning to the web, he considered extracting
information from the TV text services Ceefax or
Teletext, but this could have meant buying a TV
licence for each toaster, and running costs of up to
£104 per year for the gadget would limit its appeal./ |
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Oddly enough, the entire Felthill expedition survived for
nine days under seige by a Gwadani-Nçobo hunting party, by
eating nothing but Rentishams on toast. We of course do
not endorse the eating of Rentishams, but we can report
that all members of the party emerged from their ordeal
with remarkably supple - if somewhat flammable - skin. |
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//nine days under seige by a [...] hunting party// |
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That's a funny form of hunting. |
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"Have you caught anything yet, darling?"
"Well, yes and no. You see, they're in there, and ..."
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"So, your plan, in hunting for food, is to stay here and wait for
*them* to become weak with hunger? Do you not see a slight
flaw in this plan?"
"Silence, woman; you know nothing of hunting!" |
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(Translated from the Anabatic Swahili by P P Angst) |
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*** UNREFERENCED FOOTNOTE ERROR *** |
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You missed a trick. The toaster should only work with bs0-
co’s proprietary brand hexagonal bread slices. Other than
that, you’ve pretty accurately captured the modern
consumer experience. |
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Would there be religious options eg Jesus face? and of
course porn to amuse the kids at breakfast . Then you
could put jam on a vagina |
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Jam on a vagina anyone? I thought I was being droll..
Oh never mind, I think I haven’t been in the cult long
enough to play with the sacred relics |
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// all members of the party emerged from their ordeal with remarkably supple - if somewhat flammable - skin. // |
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Their own, or someone else's ? |
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