“First Come, First Serve”: the golden rule of the dining world, correct? Well, not at my restaurant.
Have you ever been so hungry when you eat out that you just want your food right now? Are you so famished that you would be willing to pay more just to have your order expedited? Screw the ten others
in line ahead of you, you are starving and you deserve your order first, right? Well, at Tasty's Amalgamated Outlets of Comestibles (TAO's Comestibles or “Tasty's”) we have the solution for your malnourished soul, if you can afford it.
Let me introduce Tasty's new 'TAO' restaurant principle: 'Time Auctioned Ordering.' When you order, you are given the option by the server to have your order bumped to the top of the list so that it is the next one to be prepared by our illustrious, world renowned chefs, for a modest price. The diners with orders ahead of you have the option, however, to pay more to defend their spot, and this starts the bidding.
Example: You enter Tasty's with a group of friends in the middle of the afternoon rush. Your young, attractive, and scantily clad jailbait server gets your table its drinks with an enticingly suggestive smile. She offers to take your order and the group makes their selections, a few of them stuttering while she scrawls on her pad since they are staring at our infamous logo, “TASTY” stretched across her voluptuous, tight bosom on a very low-cut t-shirt that is two sizes too small (standard Tasty's uniform).
“Okay fellas. That's quite an order but I bet you're all very, very hungry.” She says, bending a little at the waist and pushing her arms together in front of her.
She gets a few nods from your crowd; they're all looking at her cleavage.
“Well guys, I think I just might be able to, uh, do something for you there. You see, for just $15 I can push your to the tippity toppity top of the list.” She continues, using Tasty's patented “giggle 'n' jiggle” technique.
Your table agrees and quickly forks over the cash. She smiles and then runs off to the other side of the room only to return a few minutes later.
“I'm so sorry guys but Deidre's table just outbid you at $20. She has just been so mean to me today.” she says with a small pout “I know you guys are just so hungry and you deserve it so, so much more since you're all just so big and strong.” ...giggle 'n' jiggle... “For another $10 I can still squeeeeeze you into the top of the order. With all these people here I'm just terribly afraid you would have to wait just so, so long for your food otherwise.”
What's $10? your table decides and hands the lovely lass a ten. She makes a giddy little squeak and hugs the guy that hands her the bill. She runs back to the server desk but returns again, nearly in tears.
“I can't believe it guys. Deidre got her table to bid again. They're up to $30 and I don't know what to do.” she starts to whimper, with a tear falling down her soft cheek. “I feel so bad for you fellas. I just know you are all just so hungry and really just want to eat. It will be another $10 dollars to outbid them. I don't want you guys to have to wait. I just feel so awful.” And she breaks down in tears.
Your table, wanting to console this ravaged young damsel, hands another $10 over.
“Oh guys, that's wonderful. But you know, I bet I can almost guarantee your spot on the top if you bid another $15. I don't think they will bid again and you can forget about anyone else coming in taking the spot you all deserve.” She says with another giggle 'n' jiggle.
The $15 finds its way to her and she runs off and comes back with your food in less than 15 minutes. She brings out two heaping trays of delicious Tasty's food and places it down on a stand. She hands the plates out to everyone by leaning deep, deep across the table and in front of somebody new each time.
“Oh, make sure you leave room for Tasty's legendary custard for dessert. I had some last night and it was absolutely delicious. I just had one little lick and I couldn't control myself!” She says and slowly licks her thick, ruby-red lips. “I delved right in and the next thing I knew its sweet stickiness was all over my face and even in my hair.”
(Note: If you do not particularly care for the chauvinistic example, please just consider the concept of bidding on the order in which your food is prepared. That, and please know I'm really not this shallow. Really. I swear.)