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After spending $__.00 to park, get__tickets, and __handful[s] of refreshments wouldn't it have been nice to have sat down and watched________at the movie theatre without __individual[s] babbling all the way through?
You could have if there had been a sniper.
(???) BBC News Story
http://news6.thdo.b...d_774000/774352.stm
No matter how slowly you unwrap noisy snack food packaing in the cinema, it'll always make the same amount of noise. [hippo, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Anti-phone shield
http://www.halfbake...Anti-phone_20shield
Block signal so no phones can go off in public place... [goff, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) PA man shot for making noise during movie
http://www.google.c...4ZIn6x6mJAD95BFA9O0
[thumbwax, Dec 28 2008]
[link]
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Babbling idiots and rug monkeys with laser pointers. I'm for it... |
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A less violent solution would probably stand a better
chance... Maybe there could be a decibel meter on each
seat, and when the noise level from that seat's occupant
exceeds a certain level, their seat could automatically
drop through the floor into a pit where they would wait
out the rest of the movie. |
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Replace the last word with 'eternity' and I'll like it even more. |
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Don't you love the way that the cinema kiosk's sell the crunchiest sweets that they can find and put them in wrappers designed for maximum crinklyness. |
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Not to mention that you're also extremely likely to run into some white trash redneck with a herd of noisy, snot-nosed kids or a cranky baby, or some complete moron who neglected to turn his cell phone off. |
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Maybe Lincoln was babbling when John Wilkes Booth plugged him. US Presidents are known for running off at the mouth. Or maybe that big stovepipe hat was blocking everyone else's view of the show. |
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Hey hey Thor! I think you've just given me a half-baked idea........see link to 'Anti-phone shield' |
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Two words: Anger management. |
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You've obviously seen "Scary Movie." For the uninitiated, there's one scene where a loud woman is stabbed to death repeatedly by movie goers who are screaming "You ruined 'Schindler's List'! And 'Big Momma's House'!" and countless other films she ruined in the past. A hilarious flick for the not-easily-offended, BTW. "Scary Movie," I mean. |
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reensure: "Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" |
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"Dammit, Abe, I told you before to take off your hat!" ***BLAM!*** |
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<drum_and_crash_cymbal>ba-boom_splash</drum_and_crash_cymbal> |
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OR ... seats in the theater could be assigned. Then,
when you went up to purchase your candy, a vacuum
tube took the sweets to your seat and placed them --
open and sanitary -- in something like the cup holders
that currently flank every seat. And you could have a
button you press once you've returned to your seat to
signal this (so your neighbor wouldn't take any). But
frankly, movies cost enough as it is. |
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But of course. Myself and other patrons will ask the 8 skinheads to shush thrice next time. |
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"Aw, crap. I got brain in my popcorn." |
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Hurray for them! I wish some of the ones around here would do that... |
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Hollywood executive take notice...watch ratings shoot up...shot up...by introducing theatre snipers in your cinemas. |
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How do gunfire, flying blood-n-guts, screaming moviegoers and police sirens make the movie quieter? |
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The point is, it shouldn't be -necessary- to ask. A movie theatre is a place to watch THE MOVIE talk, not to listen to other patrons. There are bars and things for that. |
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The theatre chains already have a solution in place. Simply get to your seat about 15 minutes before showtime and you will be temporarily deafened by the jet-engine volume previews. |
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If the sniper simply plugged the offender with a stun dart, there wouldn't be all the aforementioned blood spattering and screaming. The only potential downside would be if the stunned and sleeping patron starting snoring. To alleviate any such problems, naturally, a mobile three-pronged grabber hand would have to snatch them up and deposit them in the theatre ejection chute. |
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Using this method, a group of snipers could compete for prizes for effective snip-n-grabs of noisome movie attendees. |
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Bloodthirsty and beautiful in equal measure. I regret that I have but one croissant to give. |
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Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all - see link. |
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