h a l f b a k e r yMy hatstand runneth over
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Recently found in the archives, it seems the hostilities
started on the 6th of February 1942, and not the 8th as
the history books show.
The initial problem was Yamashita* didn't want to bother the British commander, as he might be busy, and it took his orderly the whole of first day to convince
him it was probably ok to go tell him.
Job done, but then one more delay, neither side wanted
to be so impolite as to shoot first, "osake ni dozo", "no,
no, no, after you old chap" and so a a whole day was
taken up with playing rock-scissors-paper until the
Japanese team lost, so they had to start shooting first.
A disastrous start for the Japanese, until Yamashita
gave orders that it was ok not to stand up, bow and say
"hajimamashte" before shooting.
The battle commenced, with Japanese troops saying
"Gomen nasai, I am sorry my rifle is so noisy" and the
British saying "that`s perfectly alright, I hope my body
did not damage your bullet when it went through me".
The Emperor had to intervene at one point to instruct
his troops to stop helping the British carry ammunition cases about,
no matter how heavy they looked.
Realising the likely course of the battle, Percival pre-
emptively instructed his troops that during house-to-
house fighting, if someone knocks on the door, do not
hold it open for them...no matter how much it looks like
poor manners.
This is not even mentioning the infiltration that took
place behind enemy lines on a moonless night, a crack
squad of British commandos replenished the Japanese
forces supply of tea as it was obviously running low, but
they were too modest to mention in official records.
*One of those little known facts**, Yamashita was a sufferer of "social phobia" (what we now call "hikkomori") and was so intensely shy that he had to do the entire officer training course by correspondence.
The bayonet practice course was done by sending large man-shaped cardboard cut-outs to his house, which would then be returned and his proficiency assessed.
** Because it's not true.
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Clearly the only reason Commonwealth
forces were defeated was that the Americans
weren't there. |
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If the Americans had been there, they would
onnly have needed a couple of Marines to
drive the Japs back to Tokyo, but they have
an excuse … they were busy, standing on the
dock at Pearl Harbour and wondering how to
get their Pacific Fleet off the bottom … |
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9 were a total loss but 11 were raised and put back into service. |
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Unlike the Prince of Wales and the Repulse three days later. (Oh yea, and the entire Imperial Japanese Navy after we got through with it.) |
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Hibernating. It was February, after all. Don't
blame them, they can't help it - it's the Ursine
genes that have somehow been incorporated
into their heredity. |
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//If the Americans had been there, they would onnly
have needed a couple of Marines to drive the Japs
back to Tokyo// |
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Gosh, were the martinis really that bad? |
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If you have never ordered a martini in the bar of a
hotel in a totally islamic country at 1am, you cannot
possibly envisage how bad a martini can actually get.
And shouting only makes it worse. |
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I was thinking of some OSS martini, containing a mix of laxative, regurgitant and a slow acting poison, or even worse - martini. |
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//you cannot possibly envisage how bad a martini can actually get. |
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Having drunk Egyptian brandy, I have a very good idea...oh, that hangover...worse than soju....no, thinking about it, nothing is worse than soju. |
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//Get a cheap bottle of grappa. |
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Soju gets you 50% of the drunk feeling, like can't walk straight, slurred speech...but you don't feel at all happy...devil's brew. |
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Far too idle to track down the old C1 soju website (English version), where they helpfully labelled the 2 litre bottle "
for the heavy user" |
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There are alcoholic beverages on offer in
some of the former Yugoslav republics that
appear to be concocted from recycled*
Warsaw Pact chemical weapons … |
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* the recycling process consisting of merely
changing the label on the container. |
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You should have gone to Czech instead [8th] (can't speak to Slovakia not having been there (no idea why (I was there a whole year after all & it's not like it's a long trip to just pop over the border, just lazy I guess)) but I'd guess that's good destination too). |
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They do some good brews (the peach brandy isn't bad either (maybe a bit sweet for some pallets mind)). |
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The restaurants tended to cater for my own cholesterol & fat laden dietary leanings too (though I'd caution that they don't seem to do curry?) & their car ash trays were very 'spacious' to say the least. |
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Personally I was in heaven (given my preferred lifestyle choices I of course don't expect to live past twenty, though dying before will now be a feat of special scientific note ;). |
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Like the new emerging alternative history/ historical
fiction theme. [Bungston] made one about the civil
war recently. Saturating with that theme should
make historically incorrect statements in political
discussions virtually undetectable. |
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No, seriously! How does this idea work? |
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// [Bungston] made one about the civil war
recently. |
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Ahh, but this is a much more civil war.. |
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spent ages scrolling down Bungston`s page looking
for it... got to "Nitrogen breasts" and decided to
scroll no further |
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//No, seriously! How does this idea work |
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Ah well, they say "the victors write the history
books", not being a Victor, I just wanted to test
axiom. |
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Your use of brackets has revealed a previously
undiscovered way of generating vertigo in this
human. |
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Well... as they are after the way of not doing it... it's a bit hard to tell really (which on re-consideration of your query leads me to believe the correct answer may be 'no'?). |
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Ah, Indian food. Britain's greatest gift to the world. |
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//Get a cheap bottle of grappa// |
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On second thoughts, it might be gin. |
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// leaves are a relatively minor part of the recipe// |
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That's pretty much all you need to beat salad. |
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There is of course the BACON, lettuce and
tomato sandwich, more truthfully known as
the bacon sandwich … |
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During the time I was there I never encountered a curry of any description [bs], there was a lot of pork with dumplings & gravy, with half a duck on the side. |
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They didn't seem to do cider either, eventually resorted to combining 'alcoholic' & 'apple juice'. |
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All I got was blank looks so I asked my English speaking Czech associates, who told me there was no such thing. |
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To be honest I thought they were yanking my chain (they appear to ferment everything else so it seemed unlikely they'd overlook apples) but I never did come across any while I was there (not in Prague anyhoo). |
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