The improooved cow.

Cows would be the best lawnmower but they have serious design issues for operating in a suburban neighborhood and because those issues they are banned. So now it’s time to fix some of them.

4 fours legs good, 6 legs better. If you live in a windy area, or one with annoying kids, then there is the likelihood that it will get tipped. Much more stable with this.

The spine. Bah! Who needs one? So instead we will replace it with a concentrating solar thermal collector system. This will provide the heated air that will power other systems. Why air? Because a steam boiler that fails and explodes tends to put a divot in your yard. And sometimes the neighbor’s children. Of course with this collection system the cow will only mow in an east to west fashion so that the mirrors can concentrate the most amount of the sun’s heat onto the pipe with a clear view to the south.

The skin just has to go. Instead, we will replace it with a flexible covering of solar cells to provide the electrical power for the bits and bobs. The slow speed of the mooower won’t require as much power as something that requires more power for greater speed. This thing will mow your lawn in an everlasting cycle, not once a week.

The mouth will instead be replaced with a vacuum with a set of spinning blades at the end. You might be reminded of a garbage disposal, because that’s how it will operate. Sliding back and forth, while moving up and down; the blades can be adjusted so that it cuts the lawn to your preferred height. Probably not so tall as it won’t make it back to that section for a few days while it mooooves around. The blades will be powered by the air that gets compressed by the hot air system.

The guts. This is probably why they’ve been banned, they really really stink. So how do we fix this? Fire! Yep, we will be burning the excess methane that comes out of the grass fed bacteria digestion system. Think of it like a mobile biodigester. So this cow will constantly have it’s ass on fire providing heat to the solar concentrator system. Of course there will be one digestion chamber which excretes in two directions, one will be the methane storage to flame and the other will be a slurry holder.

We know what the fire does, so why a slurry holder? Because then we can have an auto-seeder with a fertilizer built in. So while this thing walks around the “eyes” will be looking at the lawn and when it sees a patchy section then it squirts out a little slurry and seed mixture. Small and direct, with minimal excess smell and won’t over-fertilize your lawn, nor have your fertilizer excess wash into your waterways and cause algae blooms. So the eyes will have to be replaced.

So now you can release this wonderful cow into your lawn with the full knowledge that it will look after your lawn without your involvement.