h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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Taking your date to a restaurant that
only caters for first dates has many
obvious advantages – you won’t end
up at a table next to a family with a
screaming toddler or nosey five year
old, for example. Nor will you have to
suffer through badly-sung choruses
of “happy birthday dear Gran”.
But this restaurant goes far beyond a
romantic mood with soft music and
secluded tables.
To help your date go better:
Every table has been especially lit so
that there is no unflattering harsh
light that will show up those little
wrinkles or bad skin.
Each table setting has a strategically
placed mirror that can be used to
check for spinach between the teeth.
Strong breath mints can be found
just about everywhere – on your
table, by the bar, in the bathroom –
so that you’re always ready for a kiss.
You can request the ‘special’ menu
with unobtrusive cue cards that will
suggest interesting questions to ask.
And, if your date really isn’t going
well:
Both the men and women’s
bathrooms have an exit that leads to
the street (and preferably a taxi
stand). If you desperately need to
escape the date, it’s as easy as
saying “I’m off to powder my nose”.
If you don’t think this is a very classy
move, you can simply give a secret
signal to your waiter who will
immediately appear at your table and
proclaim that there’s an ‘emergency
call’ for you at the bar, giving you the
perfect excuse to cut the date short.
Then there’s the complementary
glass of red wine that can be thrown
at the offending date if he says
something really inappropriate.
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Annotation:
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Went to a restaurant not long ago and my "blind date" received a phone call and had to leave immediately. |
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Does this sort of thing go on?+ |
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Scenario: Waiter arrives with covered dish. The couple sipping wine at their corner table pauses their repartee as the waiter places the dish between them and lifts the cover to reveal -- a single cream cheese stuffed Medjool date. |
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Complimentary condoms in the mens room for when things unexpectedly go right. |
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Tar har! Great Idear. Plus de croissants. |
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Sounds great! I would add that the bar could become a 'second chance' area - for those that have been stood up or were left behind by a toilet-escapee. The hope is that the alcohol would eventually compensate for the quality of these 'seconds'. |
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Does the fact that I feel like taking people I don't like here, and leaving through the toilet exit just before the cheque arrives make me a bad person? |
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Did you tip out like a champion, or stiff the staff like a bitch? |
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I really like your addition, LostBrit. |
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But, is there -besides the regular menu
and the wine list- a third menu with
dates (not the kind from palmtrees)?
(Only available for conoisseurs, opulent
tippers and close friends of the maitre-
D) |
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"Aah, the third list... (nudge-nudge,
wink-wink) Certainly, sir" |
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"Eehhm, yes, garçon. I'll have the
Saltimbocca for starters and the Pollo al
Forno with lemon, a bottle of 1999
Valpolicella and the 1973 red-head
from Bastogne. Thank you." |
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great idea, now please post 'divorce restaurant'. thankyou. |
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The Second Chance bar is a must. |
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Divorce restaurant - now that could be interesting in a
sadistic kind of way (if that's the place you take your wife/
husband to let them know you're getting a divorce). |
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I think they call that bar the 'Meat Market.' |
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To exit through the restroom would require a "checkout" with the staff, to pay the cheque, and to let the staff then discretely notify the person waiting that they are now "leftovers"... perhaps by draping them in a little white shawl as if to comfort them, and then quietly placing a card on the table for them to discover (with a personalized msg from the dumper)... |
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This restaurant would have to charge 3x-5x the usual prices, as it's very tough to stay afloat as a restaurant, and they wouldn't get much business except Fri/Sat. That may be good, as your date would know you're not cheap. |
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Oh, and there would be too many guys coming in solo to hang out at that bar. Forget that. |
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One of the services they would have to provide is a disreet notification to the woman (or whoever isn't paying the bill) that the bill is just about to come out, so that she can go to the ladies room and not be involved. Then again, this may not be necessary. So many of the women I dated could smell the check coming and made themselves scarce. |
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Sophocles, I think the checkout is
exactly what the restaurant needs. |
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But I don't see why dates are
limited to Friday and Saturday.
Weekdays are so much better
because you can use the old "oh,
gosh, look at the time - I've got to
be up early for work tommorow"
line. |
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Weeknights say: this is a date, but
not something so serious that I
have to miss out a good weekend
with friends. |
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