h a l f b a k e r yBaker Street Irregulars
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The Socializer
Sharp spikes facing the inside of the wearer's cheeks encourage a pleasant smile at all times. | |
The device would clip onto the user's upper teeth like
those
clear braces. On the sides would be two spikes aimed
outward and upward facing the upper inside of the
cheeks where the smile muscles are located.
These would work by encouraging the person to smile
since
while smiling, the interior
of the mouth is pulled up and
away from the spikes. If the Gloomy Gus or Debby
Downer forgets to turn that frown upside down, the
upper
interior of the cheeks would lower onto the spikes
causing
pain and therefore encouraging a pleasant, happy smile
at all
times.
A must for salesmen, new job applicants or any guy
forced
to go to weddings, class re-unions or other horrible
events
that require a phony smile at all times.
A lower tech version of my first idea which was to have
muscle stimulating electric shocks provided via
electrodes attached to the person's smile muscles.
Although that would have the advantage of being
able to be activated via remote control. "Honey, have
you met Thelma from my high school glee club?" (click)
"Let her go, Let her go man. Let her go..."
http://www.youtube....watch?v=SGzSNeq79U0
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 04 2012]
Plastic surgery for kids
http://www.youtube....watch?v=_m-sCr1hWRM
[oscil8, Jun 02 2012]
Even lower-tech version.
http://img.moonbugg.../the-smile-machine/
[Phrontistery, Jun 02 2012]
[link]
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Painful, pointless (apart from the two spikes), humiliating, potentially dangerous. |
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//Painful, pointless, humiliating, potentially
dangerous.// |
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Like most weddings I've been forced to attend. |
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You mean there was one that wasn't ? |
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I'm gonna leave my own wedding off the list for
strategic purposes. |
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I kept reading this as The Sodomizer, which would
probably be preferable, on balance. |
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Different number of spikes I think. |
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The device would have as many pain inflicting spikes as necessary to insure a broad smile at all times. |
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I need motivation to wear this device. Like a whole
lot of money maybe? |
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I thought this was going to be an elimination reality
show based on Klout scores - "Jim........you are The
Socializer!!!" |
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A radical socialist republic would probably jump on this
idea. If
you condition everyone to look happy, everyone will be
happy, right? |
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They'd make me wear one for sure. Apparently, the natural
set of my face (my 'screen-saver') looks like I'm scowling.
Every once in a while somebody asks me what's wrong, and
I have to explain that nothing is wrong, I'm simply not
doing anything with my face at the moment. |
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I've got the exact same problem. My wife tells me I "intimidate people" by not smiling enough. What, I'm supposed to go around smiling like the village idiot all the time? |
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Besides, when I try to force a smile it just makes me look sinister so why stress about it? My job is to pay the bills and take care of the family, not to walk around smiling like a clown 24/7. |
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Your wife, forgive me in advance, sounds like a
realtor. |
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My wife finds it funny that I sometimes intimidate people.
She says it's because I'm taller than most folks, I don't blink
very often, and I habitually look everyone in the eye. I
guess that makes me seem predatory or dangerous. Jenny,
however, knows that I'm harmless unless provoked, and it
takes a lot to provoke me. She's always been amused by
the occasional person that takes a nervous step back when
my head swings around to regard them like, as she once
put it, "a velociraptor considering lunch." I honestly don't
mean to do it; maybe if I smiled all the time it wouldn't
happen. |
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