The Raspberry

My ex-partner suffered from Sleep Apnea. I'll never forget the first time I slept over at his place. Right before bed he attaches this trunk-like device to his face; giving him the appearance of Darth Vader meets Mr. Snuffalufagus from Seasame Street. The roar of the machine it was connected to can only be compared to the sound one would hear should he be seated on a jet wing during take-off.

After several visits to Haight Street, where no self-respecting person would go without at least 3 body parts pierced, I came upon the idea of "The Raspberry". I'm not certain if everyone knows that a "raspberry", aside from being a little red fruit, is also the word used when making that flatulent noise with your tongue--spraying everyone in it's path.

Sleep apnea, basically, is caused by the tongue falling backward during sleep and cutting off the air passage. It can be a very serious disorder.

So I decided that my ex should have his tongue pierced so that we could attach rubber bands to the stud. These bands would keep his tongue in place (or at least slightly protruded) so that he could sleep soundly.

I personally thought it was a wonderful idea, but he wasn't appreciative of my genius. Perhaps you kind people will acknowledge brilliance when it rears it's vermilion head.

Now if this idea doesn't get me a couple of croissants, perhaps my website will rate a crumb or two.