The Popper

Not only can this handy-dandy super-convenient machine make great popcorn, it will serve all of your house's other poppables as well.

Have a balloon you don't want anymore or a child you want to scare? Simply press the button with the balloon icon and a shiny pin will extrude from the body of the machine. Slide open the safety door to expose the pin, apply the balloon, and POP! No more balloon.

Need to open a champagne bottle but have run out of kitchen towels? No problem! Simply loosen the wire surrounding the cork, insert the bottle head into the terrycloth-bordered slot, and let The Popper do the work. POP! The cork dislodges while a carbon-fiber chamber absorbs the energy of the flying cork and catches any dripping foam in its easy-to-clean basin.

Now, I know some of you have been clamoring for a machine that will help you deal with your garden weasel population, and I think I have just the thing. At night, simply attach The Popper's compressed air cartridge, open the Weasel Hatch by pressing the red weasel button, and set it out in your garden. When the unsuspecting pest enters the trap, the air gun fires and POP! goes the weasel.

Finally, for you teens, you teens out there: What could be more embarrassing than having a big pimple and needing to use your fingers to pop it? Ewww! But once you've got The Popper in the house, your zit worries are over. The Popper comes with 4 zit popping tubes (one for each member of the family). Simply place one over your zit and press Pop, and POP! The pus is sucked into the machine and you've got no more whitehead.

Never before have you been able to say "Popper" without ambiguity as to what you were going to pop. Is it for popcorn, a weasel, a balloon? Finally the day has arrived when one machine can perform all your household popping with a single word: The Popper!