h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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I very rarely need a slip, but today I do. I don't want to
change outfits because this is the perfect outfit for
today,
and for me today. However, my knickers are clinging to
my
tights. This is not good.
In the process of moving, by accident I guess, I think I
threw away my slip. I rarely
wear it, and it tends to be a
last minute addition.
This has happened to me on other occasions, in other
situations.
At work my hose will get a run, or at the beach I've lost
my
unders while changing clothes, or the dreaded bra
quandary, the black bra is the only clean one and you
want
to wear the white tee shirt.
Open your door, it's the Lingerie Fairy. There at your
beck
and call. You call and give the size, color and item, and
the
fairy comes fluttering down to your house. Lacey object
in
hand. For a price, naturally.
Yes, I need The Lingerie Fairy today.
(Oh yeah, and for men, when you forgot the anniversary,
a hot tempting item will magically, sort of, appear at
your doorstep, and you're covered so to speak.)
(?) Tights
http://www.uktights.com/
A pllace you can get your items for the next day. Better for the men you mentioned, but still okay if you need stuff for the next morning. [uktights, Mar 24 2014]
[link]
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... gimme a minute here... |
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nope, it's now or never boner. |
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Wouldn't it be simpler to have a strategically located device which imparts a static charge to your underwear, thus preventing knicker/tights adhesion? |
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Lingerie is one of those things that looks so good on the floor. |
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hippo, only solving part of a complex set of situational
problems, is not really a solution, et vous? |
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your knickers never adhered to your tights [8th]? |
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No. The Borg have a one-piece bioengineered cybernetic integument which fulfills all the functions (and more) which you humans partially derive from clothing. |
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(Also,we prefer natural fabrics and favour stockings rather than tights... we will consult Seven of Nine) |
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"However, my knickers are clinging to my tights. This is not good. "
You could remove your knickers and/or your tights. |
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On the other hand, if we're presuming the presence of a magical entity, why do we need to provide it with size, color and item? Surely the fairy knows this and delivered the item before you actually needed it... |
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worked my way 'round it... so the female version of the "Clean Socks and Underwear" magical-being-not-a-fairy, then. |
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I worry about the motives of the fairies who volunteer for this job. How does the lingerie fairie know what I have on underneath? What if the lingerie fairie arrives unbidden with something he or she wants me to try on? What if he or she does not promptly leave after handing off the item but is, well, lingery? |
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I wanted to use the word linger... |
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picturing [8th] in stockings and it aint a pretty sight :) |
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Victoria's Secret Service? |
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I love that name. Absolutely love it. May I borrow for
my new enterprise? |
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Blamo! Slamo!, I just got it. You guys think I mean a
real fairy. NO no...that's the name of the company.
It's a dial-up service for emergency unders. Does that
help? Category...store, chain, as in real? |
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There are going to need to be an awful lot of them around for response time to be anywhere near useful. How long would you have been willing to wait around for a delivery [bliss]? |
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I'll [+] it, I can see the attraction, but ... it's not an actual issue for me, unless you can get pizza and beer with the same delivery. |
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"oh noes, I haven't got any underwear" |
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"I simply must have something frilly and lacy" |
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Emergency condom delivery ? |
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Sorry, what does the fairy come wearing? |
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[+]'d right off the bat and [21Q] I'ma stop ferret litter delivery unless you debone it. |
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[FT] There ought to be a better word than 'debone' - something like 'eviscerate', although that has a slightly different meaning. |
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Next time you forget your honey's anniversary, oh Sir
Quest, I'd watch out. The Lingerie Fairy may drop
granny pants at your house, and say it was the size
YOU ordered. That should make for a fun night.
Hahahahahhahhhhaaa, evil chortle. Revenge is a
mother you hapless glob. |
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//a hot tempting item //
What? Like a cup of tea or a toasted crumpet?
Granny pants, eh?
[insert leer here] |
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<language snob>
I'm in favour so long as it's not pronounced "lonjeray".
</ls> |
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//There ought to be a better word than 'debone' // |
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Perhaps "deossification" although this is specifically the removal of mineral content from bone. Aha! "osteotomise" should do the trick. |
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The awarding of bread could be "panifery," which nicely brings the side discussion back to the original idea. + |
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// <language snob>
I'm in favour so long as it's not pronounced "lonjeray".
</ls> // how else would you pronounce it? |
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I'll accept "lanjeree", at a pinch. |
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There's a little shop in Montparnasse... |
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Oh, go on [pertinax], give us the rest of the limerick. |
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[FlyingToaster]- //I can see the attraction, but// ...well, are you going to say something? Or just stand there and stare at the clingy parts? |
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umm what ? yes, two double-lattes please. |
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would "lanjeray" be acceptable? |
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Wow, a heart does beat under that big hairy chest
bra. You sweetie, you. |
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yeah, back to the important stuff! I hope spiders don't feature in all this. |
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Nice one Blissy - magic undeewear. |
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//would "lanjeray" be acceptable?// |
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Yes, seeing as it's you, [po]. Mind you, seeing as it *is* you I'm now troubled by the image of a silk basque being worn over a red plush body suit, in such a way that it hides the abdominal TV screen. |
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This can't be right. It calls for a fiendishly clever moire effect (to be invented by [xenzag], or possibly [Ian Tindale]) which would somehow provide a tantalizing hint of what's on telly. |
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//nope, it's now or never boner// |
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How has this not been commented on yet?!? |
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Well, if it's up to me, then it's up to me: |
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If I only had a scotch on the rocks for everytime I've had to say that after the sixth scotch on the rocks. |
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The company sicko finally speaks;-) ( I mean that in a
kind and cuddly way, of coarse.) |
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"Carrymehose.com"
Nice one blissy - but some very confusing wording in the description until I (and possibly our Borg friend) figured out some Transatlantics!
BTW - I seem to recall that there are services that will deliver shirts and stuff to hotel rooms for busy, self-important bankers etc who have just stepped off the red-eye and the like.
I like this one better though. |
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I figured out what I meant a couple of days later. |
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I got me slip and me hose confused, you got it? |
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Hey, [Bliss], if your serious about the drinks, then could we just skip to the boyfriend/girlfriend part, because I just got a turkey from work and need someone to cook it for me ... that and the apartment is in dire need of a cleaning ... |
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I think I've traveled that road before. With less than
permanent results. (before your time). And I'm a
vegetarian. So you need to clean up after yourself,
sorry. |
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I dated a vegetarian once. When we went to McDonalds, she would order a quarter-pounder combo meal sans meat patty. Then she would meticulously build a patty with the french-fries. |
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You were dating a veggiehead and you took her to McDonalds? How long did that relationship last? |
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This would be a good side line for the pizza delivery guy. Except The Lingerie would smell like a pizza or the guy. |
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My household has a Sock Fairy who makes sure I always
have fresh socks. She also does underwear. |
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It's just lovely, really. |
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//my knickers are clinging to my tights// |
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Think I'll put that in my file of excuses for not doing
anything that day. Not exactly sure what a knicker is,
but it sounds like something that people wouldn't
want me to get more specific about. Not even sure
it's something men are supposed to wear which might
assist in discouraging further questions. |
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What about the opposite? "The Un-Lingerie Fairy".
Arrives at a moment notice to remove your lingerie (may
require removing your other clothes too...).
Naturally, I volunteer to test the concept ;-D although I don't
think I would suit a pink tutu & fairy wings... |
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Be carefull how you summon them re spelling of
fairy, otherwise you end up with a large boat
loaded with tons of underwear docking against
your house. |
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Better dash, or you won't catch the Stranraer Fairy. |
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