h a l f b a k e r yWhy on earth would you want that many gazelles anyway?
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I overheard a man on a cell phone call exclaim "Jesus
Christ What type of shit is that!"
I assumed that he was not in fact on the phone with
Jesus,
However it did seem as though he expected Jesus to
show
up and have an explanation for whatever the nature of
the
situation was, and it
seemed based on the mans tone
that
he would not be too pleased with Jesus if he showed up
Sounded like the almighty had something to answer for.
I thought how nice it would be to have an actual Jesus a
Jesus Christ proctor if you will, to follow me around and
provide immediate answers and explanations in all of
those moments when I call on him.
So this is a Jesus rental service for people that find
themselves calling on him frequently when they are
having
trouble dealing with reality.
As a Jesus renter you pay money and a person named
Jesus
pals around with you and is there to help make things roll
more smoothly.
As a customer you would pay extra for period Jesus
wardrobe, or you could save money and just have the
street clothes Jesus on your side.
Each Jesus would have to prove via birth certificate that
their first or middle name was Jesus, only this would
make
them official.
I also see room for the Jesus rental service to kick back
a portion of proceeds to important charities.
Your Own Personal Jesus
Your_20Own_20Personal_20Jesus
[xaviergisz, Jul 26 2010]
Westwind
http://books.google...%20westwind&f=false
For [Tulaine] [mouseposture, Jul 29 2010]
[link]
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half a bun... a wafer if you will. |
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Your own, personal Jesus?
Someone to hear your prayers?
Someone who cares? |
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I could reach out and
touch faith. |
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BODOM, BODOM, BODOM, BODOM..... |
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We all have our whimsical service based ideas. Mine are
catalogued for no one's pleasure, and now this will be
added to the pile. |
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Anything can be turned halfbakededly into a service: A
personal Mary Magdalene wipes your face in the morning,
a personal Judas lies to you constantly, a personal .....
pfft. You get it. Not to discredit the idea but []. |
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Wouldn't it be nice if, for the low low cost of $29.95 you too could have your own personal connection to the devine,
BUT WAIT, there's more!
You also receive this commemorative plaque entiteling you to belittling, scorn and un-ending tests of character for absolutely no aditional charge,
and if you act RIGHT NOW, we will also include a free pair of holy socks. |
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{prices subject to change without notice, all sales final} |
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...and then Jesus said "I am sorry - I would love to carry on talking to you like this, but senor, I have to carry on cutting your grass". |
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Beats having Death following you around. |
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or that bloody albatross. |
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//BODOM, BODOM, BODOM, BODOM....//
sp: BODOM, BERDEBOM, BERDEBOM, BERDEBOM..... |
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Personal Jesus is an alarm clock this is Jesus =
Copilot Actual. |
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Its a good thing i did not include a Muslim version of
this concept I might have Jihadists after me. |
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also this is not a "whimsical" service idea
this is serious, you pay money to have Jesus on your
crew that's special. |
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any time now.... wait for it ......wait for it....... |
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So, at least in this instance, LORD might be an acronym for Liaison Of Religious Doctrine. This might bring additional credence to the assertion so often seen, "Jesus is LORD". |
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Baked, surely. Apart from the physical manifestation part. Untold millions of 'Christians' would have us believe that Jesus (by one name or another) is constantly _with_ each of us, ready to hear whatever we have to say and provide the answer we need. Pity it's all so virtual though, and all so dependent upon imagination. |
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//Its a good thing i did not include a Muslim version of this
concept I might have Jihadists after me. // |
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(pardon my nerdiness) a bun simply for the lolz |
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//is constantly _with_ each of us// |
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thats totally not weird in any way shape or form |
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Oh. I would hope for Traci Lords. |
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But isn't she old and all wrinkles now? |
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