h a l f b a k e r yIf ever there was a time we needed a bowlologist, it's now.
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The London Tube system is full of dust - many decades of it.
In order to initiate a deep clean process, the Underground
have announced that all tube trains will run in reverse direction
for
exactly one 24 hour period, and have launched a passenger
consultation to determine the most agreeable
date for the
reversal.
Reversing the entire system is designed to help disturb and
dislodge the thick layers of dust and other detritus that has
accumulated on the normally protected 'leeward' side of all
pillars, cables,
supporting structures and various diverse nooks and crannies.
These
are
sheltered from the prevailing vortex/slip stream of the passing
trains always
being in the same direction, so will be easily dislodged when the
great
reversal takes place.
Passenger journeys will be unaffected if they simply pay attention,
and use the train on the opposite side of the track, which will
travel backwards to its previous station on the line instead of to
the next one.
Commemorative protective masks will be issued to all passengers
in
anticipation of the potential hazard of the resulting clouds of
nuisance dust.
A special 'hoover train' will follow up on each line to complete the
deep clean, then everything will return to normal service.
[link]
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// everything will return to normal service. // |
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i.e. hot, crowded, smelly, dirty and incredibly expensive. |
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Nice clean tubes, and you get to travel backwards for a
day. Did I mention that instead of paying for your usual
journey the money also reverses direction and goes into
your account instead? (this consession only applies to
season ticket holders of course) |
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I think all tube trains should drag massive
bottle-brushes behind them |
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The entire network should be flooded with warm, soapy water for a day. Those inclined to continue their commute regardless would be issued with scuba gear. |
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Imagine it all being flushed into the Thames Estuary at once, as if a largeish squid had been startled while engulfing Southend. |
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<manic cackling and arm-flapping/> |
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// massive bottle-brushes // |
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That would only work if the tunnel bores were smooth, and close to cylindrical. In reality, they vary from irregularly segmented (even then, with lots of clutter attached to the sides, just outside the kinematic envelope of the trains) to rectangular (for the older near-surface cut-and-cover tunnels). |
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you could do a reverse car wash : have a train of hot-water/soap tanks, with roller-articulated high-pressure sprays... probably have to refill at every station so it might take a few weeks to do the entire system, each time. Good idea, though, except the first time would probably kill everything in whatever body of water gets the effluent. |
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<peers over platform edge at exposed 4-rail 630V 5000A DC power supply/> |
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<verifies almost total lack of waterproofing of electrical installations/> |
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<more manic cackling and arm-flapping/> |
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Why not just power up the live rail to, say, a couple of
hundred kV for a moment, and let electrostatic attraction
do its work? Then just run a special rail-hoovering-train
through the system. |
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Actually, it would be really cool to do the microbiome of
the London Underground. |
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//do the microbiome of the London Underground// |
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You put your left leg in, your left leg out... |
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// brought back to life in another 100 million years // |
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//<peers over platform edge at exposed 4-rail 630V 5000A
DC power supply/>// |
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Spots opportunity for really fast phone charger? |
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//Actually, it would be really cool to do the microbiome
of the London Underground.// |
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Only in the sense that cool and terrific are synonyms. I'll
bet there's some real monsters down there, 100+ years of
the accumulated human slime of billions. Near infinite
rats, exotic carbon species from soot and frequent high
energy electrical arcs... like a Miller-Urey* experiment
with more interesting starting conditions. Didn't they find
some Godzilla-sized virus in an old chimney? |
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* They might have had much more success had they
replicated the >50 atmospheres of early Earth
atmosphere. |
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// >50 atmospheres of early Earth atmosphere // |
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"Atmospheric" pressure is determined by the planetary gravity field. On your planet, atmospheric pressure can't exceed its current value as the field hasn't changed.
Even with a much denser gas mix, 100 Bar is unrealistic. |
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If you want 100 Bar, you need liquid, not gas. |
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// Didn't they find some Godzilla-sized virus in an old chimney? // |
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Yes. He's now leader of the labour party. |
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Is the collective aware of Venus, or was it around the
back of the Sun, and what with it being a Bank
Holliday weekend...? |
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Or indeed Saturn ... gravity slightly higher than your planet, surface pressure 140 kPa ... |
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So, you are paying attention after all. Amazing. |
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