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"Blue.... no... YELLOOOOOWWW!!" |
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Who would be the host ? Jeremy Paxman ? |
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Somebody's been watching Celebrity Jeopardy. |
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I'd be grinding my teeth after two minutes and another thing that annoys me are those phone-in multiple choice questions to competitions. Grrrrrr. |
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Well you've just won a trip to Denver and five others. |
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The easiest quizshow: Do You Want This? |
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The queasiest ease show: Who Farted? |
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Queasy-est ease show is closer to what I was inventing
upon time of reading, socializing towards empathetic
control of the subject, and the functional ethos of
defining between abberation and its functional
abbreviations, as institutionalized opposites.
Functionalism in a philosophical sense is more than a
purposeful
ordering, but this "cause and effect of mental states".
Abbrevation becomes abberational to the
diagnostically abbreviated and the diagnostics., in the
contextual discourse
of medicine and law. Abberationality is a form of A->B
purposeful normativity, or ABnormality. Abberationality
encompasses all communicative action indicated by
'abberation' and ' abbreviation". The ABfunctional
relationship can be measured by the frequency of
punctuation when abberation becomes abbreviated; the
efficiency of the action at producing significance. This
distinction arises from the functional or necessary
purposful intention of all actions, but in the case of
abberation's corrollary, 'purposeful action'-abbreviated
communication, abbrevation occurs when abberation
becomes abbreviationally meaningfull - an impetus to
act. The queasy ease is the empathetic expectation of
some sort of abbrevation, that indicates some meaning
has been produced, whether purposeful or not,
intentional or not, or meaningful or not. But also right
wrong or good or bad. A quiz show abbreviates with
rewards for nonabberation and usually punishment for
abberation; assigning a meaning of right or wrong,
valuable, unvaluable; meaningful or meaningless, but
meaningful in a purposeful sense . Queasy ease is the
empathetic
expectation of abbrevation without sympathetic
acknowledgement ie. Not being effected by wrong
responses, or in the first example personal grace in spite
of publlc flatulence. |
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I imagine that this show would be high up on the 'Nurse Ratchett Recommended Viewing' list. + |
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"Are the lambs silent now, Nurse Clarice ?" |
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You have already been abducted and He guides you
through your coma dream from somewhere behind your
exposed
brain, and His stainless steel trays of surgical
implements. |
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Of course, a format for an entirely new quiz show. |
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That queasy feeling you have is when He excises
redundant tissue from a lobe of your brain to fry with
fava beans, in a thin chianti wine sauce. |
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All the questions are interspersed within a long, lispy,
monotonous lecture on the philosophy of Rene
Descartes. |
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^ I thought He was inert. |
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Maybe every now and then they send an unlucky contestant into psychotic free fall by judging every answer to be incorrect. -$1000 later and the poor sap is a babbling idiot. |
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Babbling idiot is the norm. The key to such a show is at
the end nobody likes you; a real loser. |
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That's one basic way abbreviations are used to control the
subject empathetically, so that most responses do not
result in being disliked. Ie the intuitive habitual response
of anyone to anything. An evaluative abbreviation.
Reduces all information to zero and either a positive or
negative evaluation. "That's interesting". |
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There is a rapping technique - if technique is the word I mean, I might actually mean phenomenon - called "blacking out" where the rapper goes much longer than the usual 16 or 32 bars, maintaining a steady pace and breath control such that a constant, regular stream of words comes out. The effect is such that it feels as though you could walk away from the track and come back five, ten minutes, an hour later and Capadonna or whoever would still be rapping away at the same pace. This is what I am going for with the Easiest Quiz Show In The World: the contestant blacks out on self-trivia. This has a number of effects, internal and external. |
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Internal effetcts:
Primarily, through the work of the interlocutor, the contestant enters an eventually unreflective state of self-revelation without the mediator of the rational consciousness. This state would hopefully allow the quiz-master (or -mastrix) to lob in a well-timed question getting to the essential moral or, hey why not, sexual self of the contestant in such a way that would elicit a response untainted by personal self-interest and self-deception. This would be interesting. I would create a programme that exists in both the pre-lunch "Jeremy Kyle secrets of the social underclass" format and in the post-lunch "Ben Shepherd asks questions about European capital cities" format. Ideal scheduling for lunchtime, then. |
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External effects:
The first effect is the one alluded to previously: a trance-like state of passive reception in the mind and manner of the viewer. Blacking out is easier if all you have to do is slump under your slanket, breathing the minimum amount you can get away with. |
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There is a parallel between TEQSITW and, as you would expect, Facebook. Without the well-timed searching questions, Teqsitw is a platform for utterly trivial self-expression. The contestant is brought into our homes and, though a complete stranger when he or she starts, becomes over the course of the 22 minutes becomes as known to us in the same way that we come to know acquaintances “friended” on Facebook, or the owners of public profiles you find yourself skiting over, tangled into in the gum-eyed hours before dawn. Teqsitw does what Facebook cannot: it blasts the contestant into the face of the daytime TV audience, creating an immediate link between the contestant and each viewer, a link made all the more direct due to the essential, trance-like passivity of the viewers. We have created something akin to a unilateral, broadcast mindmeld. |
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Décor:
As an aside, I have been giving some thought to the set dressing of Teqsitw. Ordinarily, daytime quiz shows on these shores favour shiny surfaces and neon, the set looking like a dreamworld version of provincial nightclub’s VIP area. I think that what Teqsitw needs is a set more akin to daytime chat shows: a living-room analogue, a slightly swank architectural extension through the screen to the front room of the viewer. The experience of watching should tend towards vapid mirror-gazing. There should be correspondence between TV world and viewerworld furtiture and fittings, TV world more to-the-minute and aspirational than the worn reality of viewerworld, yes, but that link, that similarity of essential form should be preserved. The contestant should answer questions from an armchair (or perhaps from behind an ironing board). The viewer should see him or herself as the contestant, or at least linked to the contestant, the viewer answering sotto voce the questions blue Altrincham biscuits Sally Magnusson Karl Howman cowslip I killed a man in Goole in 1994. National confession, buried histories slipping frictionlessly up through memory to lips, all thanks to Teqsitw. |
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Contestants seated in beige armchairs. Water biscuits on a plain white plate & tumblers half full of slightly bubbling mineral water placed in front of them on a low coffee table, positioned just far enough out of reach such that the effort required to lever oneself forward to get them would not be worth the paltry reward on offer. |
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